epidemiology | (no subject)

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(no subject)

CHARACTERS: the Huntsman and YOU.
DATE: April 1 - 16th I think it is.
WARNINGS: Maybe? I'll toss something in the header if it gets really bad. just in general, mentioning of mind control/heartlessness probably.
SUMMARY: without magic, heartless people don't do so well.

ＡＰＲＩＬ６ＴＨ - ８ＴＨ.

( at first, it was easy to ignore. as the weakness stretches into a week, he's starting to get a sense that something is wrong. he's not magical, not in any sense of the word, yet it seems that the magic in this place is thin and getting thinner by the day.

a man without a heart in an unmagical world was a dead man. every day the magic seems to be a little less and he seems to be a few steps closer to the death he'd been so lucky to avoid.

despite obvious weakness, he can't quite stay in. he doesn't look healthy, as he goes about helping natives to make fishing traps or helping to rebuild the still devstated village of Como. still, he works and works fairly hard, even if he needs to stop and rest on occasion. he is often back in his room early each night, though, and tends to sleep very heavily. )

ＡＰＲＩＬ１０ＴＨ-１２ＴＨ.

( as the days stretch on he's seen working only a few hours each day. when he can he dedicates himself to smaller tasks, but it takes him a long time to do even simple things, like braiding ropes or cleaning fish. he doesn't have the energy to explore, anymore, and is forced to stay closeby to the inn and the village.

the Huntsman does push himself every night to go sit out on the beach with his brother. and quite bizarrely, he seems to talk to himself and leave odd blanks in the conversation, as if he's getting an answer from somewhere. the only gap in this conversation happens to be when the wolf goes thundering in the water, collecting shells that he brings back to the brother that can't join him.

Graham himself mostly looks up at the stars and doesn't move too much. )

ＡＰＲＩＬ１５ＴＨ.

( eventually, he can't quite manage to be helpful in most heavy tasks. he sleeps more often than not, a rather frightening kind of sleep that is very difficult to shake him out of. it doesn't hurt him, at least not obviously... but it's easy to mistake him for dead and he can't stay awake for very long when his eyes are open.

the wolf is hard to shake from his side, often sleeping on top of his brother and whining at anyone who will come close. )

ooc: graham is heartless and basically ceasing to function with lack of magic. welcome to anyone but especially existing cr. if you wanna specific starter, hit me up at

goplayzelda!

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[ It surprises Emma just to get a few hours of sleep in the little bed he offered her. She's dealt with a full range of emotions since arriving for this mission, from rage to fear and finally the unexpected happiness of reuniting with an old friend. Graham claims it's only possible here, but that's not the kind of answer Emma likes, and as a result, it's become one she refuses to accept. There has to be a way to get home and to bring him with her, but it's too soon to force any kind of action. The first step is to figure all of this out. Once she does that, they'll find their best chance of getting back where they belong.

It was probably going over every detail of their current situation that left the savior so exhausted, and in the end the smart thing to do had been to stay close to someone who she could count on. Losing him once meant that she didn't want to let him out of her sight, yet she wonders if the same protectiveness works both ways. He offered her his bed and her acceptance came from believing she could keep an eye on him. What she wasn't expecting was to awaken early to the sounds of a whining wolf - the brother who looked after Graham.

She barely knows where she is when she blinks her eyes open, a blurred understanding of the sleeping form on the floor starting to come into focus. It's hard not to think of the last time that she saw him in a similar situation, and that memory causes her to call out to him, a tremble in her voice as she starts - ] Graham?

[ Emma would find a way to calm herself down if he showed any sign of responding. It's how still he is that creates the panic rising within her, a tightness in her chest and her heart in her throat. She'd realize she was overreacting if she slowed down, but there's no time for that in her scramble to join him, pushing out of bed and sinking down to the floor beside the wolf who nudges his nose at his human.]

Graham, wake up!

[It's sharp and it's frantic, as unnecessary as the way she pulls him into her arms and reaches for his wrist to -

Oh.]

You're okay?

( maybe he should have considered how alarming it would be to find him prone on the floor, considering all they've gone through. it's not easier to deal with seeing Emma again a second time around, with the extra time they got to spend together slipping away from her. it's one of many things that had to fall by the wayside in the exhaustion of everything last night. he's not used to feeling so worn down; in fact, he's not used to feeling much of anything.

the wolf half reclining on his chest and whimpering in his ear probably hadn't done much to ease Emma's mind, either. the wolf knows a little too well when something is off with him, in fact the wolf seems to have caught on faster than Graham himself. after thirty years of not feeling tired, he doesn't question much how exhausted he feels of late. there's something not right and he hasn't had time to question what yet.

he doesn't hear Emma call and doesn't answer, which only makes the wolf whimper a little louder, shifting to sitting and looking at the savior like he expected her to fix it. it has to be horrible to relive something rather painful for both of them, but at least this time as she holds onto him and tries to shake him back into awareness, it actually works. he's too tired when he first opens his eyes to really have a proper reaction, peeling heavy eyes open and trying to make sense of the situation that is still a bit muddled by sleep. )

Emma? ( his voice is still a little colored by how deeply he'd been out of it. he props himself up on an elbow and then gives up on that too, ending up in her lap. there's an odd warmth to him whenever shes close, as there always is, and that prompts a sleepy and slightly crooked smile as he looks up at her. he has no good reason for it, other than the fact he is still half asleep and still likes to see her. the wolf is desperately trying to lick his face, and the huntsman pushes his muzzle back, much to the affront of his brother. ) —m'alright. ( that barely sounded like English, but in theory the mumbled promise is supposed to make the savior feel better. )

[Things have not been proceeding to well on Nalawi, particularly for those of their number who relied on magic. Sieglinde could set a broken bone, stitch a cut, nurse a concussion, and cure disease, but she couldn't do much of anything for magic slowly draining away- especially when her own was going with it.

She had offered her blood to Gilgamesh. Spread tales of Loki to the natives. But what else could she do? She largely holed herself up in her room, trying to cobble together a spell to prevent further magic loss... but it wasn't going well.

It was making her way back to her room, one hand tight on Isengrim's collar to rely on the skull-faced dog's support, that she heard Brother's whine a second after her familiar's ears perked forward. Curious, she made her ungainly way to the sound, knocking gently.]

Graham... ?

[This... was his room, was it not? Sieglinde waited patiently for a moment, but as Brother continued to whine and nothing came from the man himself, she tried the door, brow furrowing when she found it unlocked.

Cautious, she poked it open slightly, not even needing to duck like most of their number, perfectly at proper height to use Nalawin architecture. Gingerly, she peeked in, hand at the ready in case she needed to cover her eyes.]

Graham... ?

( when the door opened, the wolf was the first and easiest to spot. the dark gray head and two-toned eyes peered up over the bed, from where he was settled on the other side of it. Brother didn't get up, despite watching the company with alert eyes and perked ears. in fact after he was sure Sieglinde had spotted him, he ducked down and continued the low whines that had dragged her in, dropping his head back on the chest of the huntsman he was currently reclining on.

it troubled the wolf greatly when he couldn't manage to wake his brother up. it was getting harder and harder to do as of late, and when his brother wouldn't wake the wolf took it upon himself to be his eyes when Graham couldn't take care of himself.

the wolf looked at Sieglinde with heavy pleading eyes, huffing air in Graham's ear to no noted effect. the blonde human was gone, she was best at waking his brother, yet the wolf didn't want to leave him alone to go fetch her. at least it was obvious that he was still breathing... even if it was slower than it should have been. )

[Rather than the worst case scenario she'd been hoping for, finding the man in a state of undress or perhaps post-bath with ears waterlogged, it was... an actual worst case scenario. Sieglinde's somewhat shy expression vanished quickly in favor of concern when she saw that Brother continued to whine as if asking for help, that Graham's chest rose and fell even slower than she would expect of sleep- and she couldn't even have the luxury of thinking he might be asleep. He was a man of the wilds, of the woods, and no person of that type slept so soundly through noise and motion.

Not naturally.]

Gra-

[Sieglinde tripped in her rush to the bedside but thankfully Isengrim was there to half catch her fall, and she made it to his bedside, the skull-faced canine instead staring steadily between the sleeping master and his brother, the glowing "eyes" in its sockets bright. A small hand moved to Graham's forehead to feel for fever- none. A small ear was placed against his chest- no obstructions in his airways, heart beating. Small fingers moved to thumb up an eyelid- he wasn't unconscious. But.]

What happened?

[In her alarm she addressed Brother as if he could answer her, even as she pulled her small pouches about her waist closer to access them easier, rifling through own for her smelling salts- pungent stuff, those, of her own make.

Which she tried wafting under Graham's nose, her own pinched shut. Isengrim thankfully only had boney nasal passages.]

( Brother's ears flattened apologetically at the question, as if he would have really liked to answer and he just couldn't form the words. there was some kind of hint in the way he nosed at Graham's chest, but not one that would make any sense. how would anyone guess that the vessel that almost everyone took for granted had been stolen? in fact it was impossible unless the person believed it was. magic was a complicated art in his world.

Inesgrim was lucky enough to not be bothered by the smell of the salts, though the wolf wasn't quite as gifted. Brother made an unhappy note, sitting up and twisting his nose away from the smell. he didn't protest much more than that, watching his human with distinct interest and obvious worry. he'd never tried to wake his human with a smell before. sounds and licks usually worked and had lost effectiveness days ago.

it was a delayed reaction, long enough it might have seemed like it wouldn't work at all. eventually Graham's expression twisted into a weak grimace, before a hand lifted to knock the offending scent away. tried to, anyway; he missed and his hand landed on his chest instead. when his eyes opened he looked more than a little disoriented, for obvious reasons. )

Sieglinde...? ( Brother was whimpering and trying to lick at his jaw, and Graham couldn't quite manage to push him away. he closed his eyes again, trying to find the willpower to keep them open. ) I'm all right. Don't worry. ( because he seemed totally fine, right? he was too tired to even present a good show of being healthy. )

[If only wolves could talk- the language of people, that was, not just the vague concepts like worry and pain and joy that could be read in ears and tails and barks. Sieglinde's expression grew more worried the longer she held the smelling salts under Graham's nose without reaction, mind rapidly trying to think of what the cause of this could be, before-]

Graham, can you hear me? See me?

[She hastily stoppered the noxious smelling contents of her potion vial and waved her hand a few times rapidly to clear the air before waving her hand slowly in front of the man's face, watching to see if his eyes would instinctively follow the motion or not. He said he was alright, but that was as bold faced a lie as they came.]

Keep your eyes open and answer me, or so help me I shall smear these smelling salts under your nose.

( now that he was out of the rather alarming slumber, he could hear her. and he'd seen her well enough to know who was with him, even though keeping his eye open was easier said than done. he was used to not feeling anything, and it was not as if he was in pain. it was as if without magic he was slowly reverting to what he was meant to be, a dead man. whatever was propelling him usually was gone and he was just running out of... everything, it felt like.

Sieglinde certainly didn't fuss around. he might have even been amused if he at all had the ability for it. he did open his eyes again, though, and at least there was awareness in the way he looked at her, even if he looked more than a little exhausted. )

Yes. ( to both. not much of an answer, was it. he shifted up to rest on his elbows, shaking his head and blinking heavily. nothing seemed capable of shaking the weariness anymore, though. ) Both. It looks worse than it is. ( DOES IT REALLY?! NO... ) The lack of magic doesn't sit well with me. That's all.

[ There's no excuse for holding him tighter when he wakes up, but the fact of the matter is he does wake up this time. He's barely awake but still alert enough to be aware of her, and even if she gives the wolf a moment to lick at him, Graham rejects his poor brother on his own. Emma will stand by being frightened. She can't help the flashbacks that seeing him like this caused, and she won't ignore the pounding of her heart or the relief that frees her from her fear when he smiles sleepily in her direction. He's okay, this just reminds her of a time when he wasn't.

For a few seconds she waits for the request that she get up, or give him space, or something other than hold him like this. She's not... they're not... whatever they are, this probably isn't a good idea. As much as she'd like to find a way to fight all of this together, he's been clear about the reality of the situation. It'd be safer for her not to get attached again. She dreads the day when they'll have to go their separate ways, while Graham is convinced that it's going to come.

That's unlikely to happen anytime soon, though. Tonight he's warm and safe and probably still a little sleepy when he looks up, and she's gentle in her hold on him without letting go. He could move if he wanted to. She's not trying to keep him here with her if it's not what he wants, but she runs a hand through hair that's shorter than she remembers and takes a deep breath, letting herself find comfort in his presence. Eventually she's going to find her way back to Storybrooke, she can't stand being away from Henry as it is, but this is enough right now.]

Sorry, I didn't mean to - [To wake him up? To make a scene? She can't apologize for caring about him, that always seems to come out whether he wants it to or not. He has a way of sneaking past her defenses before she realizes she's let them down. Does he know that she grieved for him? That she took on his badge to try to finish what he started? That his jacket is still hanging on a hook in the station? She's lived with little reminders of him for longer than she had a chance to work beside him, and sometimes all she can see is how it ended and how much it hurt to lose him.]

( honestly, at first, he's still too exhausted to register how shaken she seems. or why she might be shaking him awake in the first place. it's rather abnormal that he sleeps so deeply, he's a creature of instinct nearly as much as his brother. he wouldn't have survived long in the wild if he wasn't a light sleeper. the fact that he is so hard to wake of late is something he hasn't considered too much, just assuming that his body needed the rest despite the inability for him to really feel his weariness. it's a deeper problem than that, though, and it'll take a bit more time to realize that.

for a minute he's content to stay on the floor. the arms around him feel good, and he likes the feeling of her fingers in his hair. he doesn't watch as the wolf skitters a short distance away, circles three times, and lays down to watch them, but he can hear it. it's very tempting to just go to sleep again, it calls at him far too much. it seems so simple to just let go and fall away... but she speaks again and the tinge of her voice forces his eyes open again. being around Emma always does manage to pull at heartstrings that shouldn't even be there. he sees the unhappiness in her expression and can sense the pain she's feeling, and her pain hurts him too.

he hadn't considered anything until it was too late and Emma is already looking at him like she's seeing a ghost. again, really, because hadn't she looked quite similar when she'd spotted him to begin with? he should be a ghost, really, and yet in moments like this it's hard to feel grateful he got a second chance. he's not sure it's any easier for her to be around him knowing that when she goes home he can't follow. worse, he's not sure that this pain will be worth anything. in the end she's likely not to remember him at all when she goes back to her family. she doesn't remember the last time she was working for ALISTAIR, why would she remember this time? she might be better off not being around him at all.

he doesn't know much, about what her reality is. he had never asked and perhaps she found it too painful to tell him. he knew that she'd mourned him, though, she wore it on her face when she looked at him, wore it around her wrist as a reminder. as much as he wants to be remembered, he wishes she could remember more than misery. when he thinks of her it's mostly wonderful things. Emma doesn't get to be that lucky. )

I'm all right. ( he doesn't know why, something here preserves him despite the heart that was crushed in Regina's palm. he's as living as a heartless man can be. his hand tucks at her side and lands on her back and he wants to bring her closer, he's just not quite brave enough. ) Come here. ( it's instinct more than anything. the wolf sits on him to keep track of all the ways he's still living, and it seems like the best way to prove to her he's still living and breathing. being close, just for a moment. it might help her... it might help them both. )

[Sieglinde certainly did not fuss around when it came to potential medical emergencies and patients- and Graham has already been summarily placed in the latter category if not the former.

Once he opens his eyes back up again she frowns heavily, waving her fingers, snapping, and doing quite a few other tests that likely looked ridiculous to him, but had meaning to her. Testing his reflexes, reaction time. Slow.

His explanation didn't do much to assuage her concerns either, looking at him askance.]

You are a being of magic?

[He had never given any indication to her that he was anything but human- and she had never detected any active magic at work with her compass... What manner of magic could it be? Surely pervasive, to have laid him this low... ?]

( she was right, his reactions were slow. but they were there, mostly in a rather lacking attempt to show her he wasn't as badly off as he looked. he could follow her movements, the snaps earned a grimace sheerly on the basis he wasn't expecting them, but even those were delayed.

was he a being of magic? he'd never considered himself to be so, though it wasn't exactly inaccurate. when his heart had been taken from him he'd been forced into an enchantment of some sort. one that continued despite his heart being crushed, somehow; he'd always assumed it was the sake of magic preserving him, though he wasn't sure how. it was honestly something he tried not to think about. the day he died wasn't really one he enjoyed reminiscing about.

now it seemed foolish that he hadn't taken more care. a heartless man in an unmagical world was a dead man and nothing more. without any magic at all, he'd have been gone all over again.

he'd only explained his condition to one person in all his time in ALISTAIR and it didn't seem to come any easier to confess now. still, he trusted Sieglinde, and knew her well enough that she wouldn't be content until she got some kind of satisfying answer. and the only satisfying answer he had was the truth. )

I'm not magical, but I need magic all the same. ( he's finally alert enough to push himself into sitting, which at least makes him look less like he's about to pass out again. ) In my world, there's a way to steal hearts. ( there's far more to it than that, but he doesn't want to tell her the whole truth. that without his heart he was Regina's slave, to do whatever she wished. ) Mine is... mine is gone. ( and the less magic available, the more he seemed to be affected by it. )

[Transferring most of her weight to the mattress she was leaning on heavily already, knees locked, Sieglinde moved to pull up the compass hung on her chatelaine, frowning as she looked down at the small arm of the device... Twirling lazily, and pointing at nothing. It had been on the fritz ever since they'd arrived in Nalawi, and it had gotten almost entirely unreliable of late. Isengrim, not all all interested in such revelations, simply began to freely "sniff" around the room.

Not magical, but he needed magic- so not a being born of it, but one enchanted or reliant. Even as he begins to talk Sieglinde's mind is racing along, coming back up with possible meanings and interpretations only clarified and her mental search narrowed with each word until the vague confession comes.

No heart.

Askance, Sieglinde's gaze darted between his chest and his face.]

You mean that... Metaphorically, no? Your blood is still circulating, and you're alive...

[But even as she says it she realizes that a particularly complex series of spells, if woven into the body... Could do all of those things. Keep "heart" pumping, lungs inflating, brain functioning, if one just substituted a magical "organ" for the real thing. One that was weakening even now.]

( he isn't sure what she's looking for when she pulls up the necklace she's wearing. he hasn't had much curiosity to spare since his energy started to fade, but he manages to find a bit. ) What is that? ( some kind of device, clearly, and he'd assume it had to do with magic or healing. one of the two.

his brother is possessive, far more than the Huntsman himself. he watches Isengrim wander around the room, but not even his protective tendencies are enough to drag him away at the moment. he's too worried about his human, slowly fading away, and nothing he did seemed to help. it had to be hard for his brother to watch, after he'd tried so hard to help Graham find his heart again. it hadn't been enough, in the end.

he frowns, shaking his head in answer. no, he's not speaking metaphorically. his heart is gone, his chest has no heartbeat; Sieglinde wasn't the first to find one there, but the mind was resourceful and put things where it needed to be to preserve the picture of the world that made sense. if she tried again, chances are she couldn't find it, as long as she believed him that it was gone. magic in his world was much like that, if one didn't believe they couldn't see its effects. )

It's gone. It's been gone a long time. ( and he's not sure how he's going to manage if magic in Nalawi completely dissipates. )

[If it was a magical "replacement", that would keep him alive... as long as magic wasn't being interfered with. Had she seen any such spells in her books? Not only so comprehensive, but perhaps if one stitched several enchantments together... some to handle blood, others to maintain tissue and oxygen, or perhaps a spell that more like stopped the time of his body, tricked it in to thinking he had a heart yet, and-

The thoughts ran through her head rapidly as she simply stared at him- finally blinking and looking down at her compass.]

Ah... it detects magic. But I suppose... if the enchantment upon you was laid in long ago, and is subtle...

[She stared down at it somewhat woodenly, trying to keep thinking, keep trying to find a solution, feeling already as if it wasn't fast enough even though it had been all of less than a minute.

The compass arm slowly wobbled and spun lazily in all directions.]

( no matter how much time he had spent at the Queen's side, there's honestly only so much of magic the Huntsman comprehends. he's not sure how the enchantment worked, how he could persist without a heart even after it'd been crushed. frankly it was wrong even by his standards, but he'd ignored it for the sake of not looking a gift horse in the mouth.

foolishly, really. he hadn't wanted to die the first time... he doesn't want to die all over again from not thinking to secure a solution to his lack of heart. )

It was my heart, that was enchanted... I don't know how to explain it. Or how I keep going now that it's been crushed. ( he rubs at the empty space in his chest, weariness starting to grow heavier. a body in motion stayed in motion, he just found it hard to start the process more and more. ) Try not to worry. When the magic returns to this place, I'll be well again.

( he perceived Sieglinde as more adult than child, always had; he just didn't see any point in her worrying over something she couldn't change or fix. or more simply, he wasn't used to people worrying over him. )

[ He doesn't seem alright to her. He's alive, she can tell that much, but maybe pulling him from sleep wasn't the best way to get his attention.

She couldn't help it. Graham was just lying there and the last time it was like that - he knows how it ended. The thought is enough to hold him a little closer, and there's no effort to move until she feels him try to bring her down to his level. If his instinct is to keep her near him, hers is to resist. She's about to say as much when impulse catches up to her, too. It's harmless, isn't it? She can't hurt him like this and it doesn't mean anything. He's a man raised by wolves, he's just trying to comfort her whatever way he knows how.

And she wants that right now, she does, if she's allowed to have it. He's already on the floor and it's not that hard to get down on his level, but where the wolf sits on top of him, Emma starts beside him. She curls her body against his from there, her head pressed close to a chest that rises and falls with breath but lacks the beating of a heart. Before she thought she'd felt it, but she knows better now. It doesn't beat because it isn't there. For a moment, she's struck by that absence, until her arms find their way around him and her body winds up against his, and she's reminded this isn't the same way it was last time.

When they were at the station, no amount of shaking had been able to force him awake. She'd called out, screamed, cried - and it hadn't mattered because he was gone. There was no waking him up.]

I'm sorry. [For things he won't understand now, feelings that she's carried for too long. He can decide she's apologizing for waking him too early, but it's more than that. It's not being able to help him, not believing when she could have. Not finding his heart when he begged her to search for it. She'd followed him and stood by his side, but maybe if she'd just tried instead of getting caught up in his behavior. Graham may not believe there's still hope for him, but Emma needs to. She has believe there's a way to get back what was taken from him. It's more than being the savior, it's wanting to be there for a friend.]

You should get some sleep. [Yet she doesn't move to give him the space to, at least not yet. It'll take more than a moment or two to take in all the ways he's with her now. She's still bothered by the lack of his heartbeat, how she misses what she's never known him to have. There has to be a way to get that back. If this ALASTAIR makes it possible for him to be alive, with his wolf, in some random world, they should be able to put his heart back in his chest, too.]

( it's a little sad that it's been a long time since he allowed himself this instinct. the desire to be close to someone, to comfort with proximity and closeness. he doesn't do it often, he touches with purpose and not pleasure. he keeps himself detached and aggravates the distance he maintains from the world intentionally, without even thinking about what he's doing when he does. he and Emma had barely had a chance to be close before it all fell down around them, that glimmer of promise broken in a moment. it's hard for him to let go of that promise, even though he knows he should. her life has moved on without him, and that's for the best. no matter how warm and complete and happy he feels when she is close, it doesn't matter. their chance together was crushed a long time ago.

he should know that, logically. it's just easy to ignore, especially when he's had proof that these moments don't last and they can't haunt her once she goes home. it won't last but he'll be able to hold onto them, and he's not going to give up that chance. he's surprisingly content on the hard floor with Emma at his side, head lolling a little on the ground to press a scruffy cheek to the top of her head. she's maybe less so but if she's bothered by the ground she doesn't mention, curling closer than he can ever remember her being and in the end it probably comforts the Huntsman more than the Savior to get a chance to hold onto her like it's possible he won't have to let her go.

when she speaks he knows she doesn't mean waking him. his hand rubs at the bare skin of her shoulder, warm in the weather of the island yet it's not too hot to be close just yet, this early in the morning. ) I'm sorry too. ( that it'd had to end that way, that he'd had to be the next statistic in people that had abandoned her, even if he hadn't wanted to. it wasn't fair, even heartless it was practically painful to think about those last bittersweet moments. they'd tasted like freedom, felt like flying; he should have considered the risks of flying too close to the sun.

even if he'd considered them, he isn't sure he would have done anything differently. he'd rather have fallen than gone sulking back to the queen. he just wished Emma didn't have to be collateral damage in his destruction.

still, he's not mad. he doesn't blame her for not believing, for the queen making good on a vow she'd made before Emma was even born. he blames the queen for her cruelty, and himself for falling into her clutches in the first place. he wishes he could lighten the burden Emma carries, thanks to him, he's just not sure how. maybe it's not possible. maybe all he can do is distract her from it. the reality is different here, even if it won't be for long. it's easy to dwell in the dark, but for once he'd like to stay in the light, like the rays seeping in through the window. he rubs at Emma's back, slow circles — because he wants her back in the sunlight, too. )

I think that's what I was doing all night. ( it's mildly teasing, a joke in the way only he can tell them. they're not funny but he thinks they are and somehow that means it counts. his eyes are still closed, though, mostly just to savor the moment. his eyes are closed but his ears are plenty open, so he can hear the wolf rising and sneaking closer, peeling an eye open a little too late before his brother flops into the pile, which earns a disgruntled oof from the man the wolf half lands on. hope there was room for three, Brother didn't seem inclined on asking for permission to join. )

[Sure, if Sakura had noticed that he seemed to be getting a little slower, the odd pauses in some conversations when Brother was around, but she figured if it was something more serious that he would tell her, right? He knows she can heal, so....whatever it is, she tries not to pry.

It's just hard not to freak out when she finds him in such a sleep when checking in with him one afternoon. She kneels next to him, hovering, biting her lip as she tentatively reaches for his shoulder.]

G-Graham-san.....?

[It's nice to be this close to someone, no matter how long it lasts. Emma's found the love of family and friends, and her greatest accomplishment might be the son she's been able to hug regularly until arriving here. There's nothing that feels the same as embracing someone who matters to you.

With Graham, she'd given up on that possibility when she'd buried him. Her feelings on ALASTAIR are mostly negative ones but there are some things here she doesn't understand. Why pair them up? Why bring him back? Why put the two of them through this when his life already ended? Every time Emma dares to hope at a possible endgame, it's for a better story than what he had. It doesn't make sense to bring him back temporarily. If he didn't have a future, why bother at all?

It doesn't matter what they've decided. What matters is that she's decided he has to live, they just have to find a way to make sure it's a lasting change. If she only has a little time here, she'd like to think she can find a way to set things right for him. It's not fair for him to go around without a heart, especially not when it's the kind of thing they've both seen people use as a weapon. There's no telling what it'll take to make his heart his own again, but that they even have to fight for it with people who have the ability to keep him alive is kind of a problem for her.

Now's just not the time to talk about ALASTAIR and all of it's complications, especially not when Graham started to share his feelings before. His logic is that any organization that could allow people to be hurt is more of a problem than a solution, and knowing what little she does, Emma is inclined to agree. It's something that might come up later on, after they've gotten ready to start their day and decided not to talk about this. Graham isn't the type to push. He's not going to walk around reminding her that they cuddled after she thought he was dead. It's just that this helps, for the moment.

And like most things that do, it can't last. She nudges at him for teasing about sleeping, but while Graham can hear the wolf coming, Emma is caught unaware. There's no background experience of living with a wolf to know he's coming, no caution around him from a woman who's mostly been treating him like an oversized dog. She lets out an unhappy ungh when the wolf decides to join them, turning in when she should probably turn away and free herself from the tangle of limbs.] Guess he felt left out. [She mumbles her comment breathlessly, trying to figure out how to move or breathe or just find some peace in the middle of the cuddle pile.

Henry would think this is either awesome or hilarious, and right now, she's not sure which one would win out.] Morning.

( she's not the only one that wonders why he was brought back. or even by who. it's an odd situation he's in and he's not entirely sure how it works. how he lives on despite the distinct feeling of his heart being crushed, the fact Emma had been able to confirm his death. something keeps him even though there's nothing left that should, and whatever it is he doesn't intend to waste the opportunity. he has a second chance, here... he means the make the most of it, even if it means never going back to the place he'd known as home for nearly thirty years.

he tries not to think about what he's missing. easier said than done, really, yet he no longer has to frantically search for what he knows is gone. perhaps he should worry a bit more about the fact he's a dead man walking, yet he finds a bit of comfort these days in what he can't feel. he'd wanted his heart back so badly, without really thinking about what he'd be inviting back. perhaps pathetically, he's almost relieved that he doesn't have to face that weight anymore.

the wolf doesn't fit into the pile gracefully but apparently he doesn't need to. Graham spares an arm from the savior to place it over the over-eager wolf instead. his brother is nervous, he can feel it as he strokes through pale fur. still nervous, though Graham doesn't quite get why. he doesn't really register how deeply he was sleeping, not yet. )

This is how we used to sleep, with our family. ( when there were more of them. instead of just the two of them. it's a bittersweet memory, and it's a bit odd to speak of his past without feeling the need to hide it. still, there's not much he needs to conceal from Emma, is there? not anymore. the wolf whines a little, before the huntsman chuckles. he can't explain how it happened, the way he can comprehend his brother's thoughts even better than before. probably ALISTAIR interfering, but for once he can't complain. )

He says it was morning hours ago. Now it's breakfast. ( he ruffles at Brother's ears, lifting his head to catch two-toned eyes. ) Go get yourself some, then. ( Brother whines, settling back into the pile with his head on his paws. you didn't need to be able to understand animals to know what that meant. he was perfectly happy where he was, thanks. )

[His family, like his brother. She knows he's speaking about wolves, and maybe that should upset her more than it does. He'd been an orphan like her for all of his life, but she wonders if he felt like one when he had a group of animals who loved him. It's not the same as having parents. She knows it's not, and she wouldn't trade David and Mary Margaret for anything. It's just - it's kind of like someone living The Jungle Book and not knowing anything different. To someone who never felt like she found her place with anyone, it sounds pretty nice.

She's slow to reach up, though. Emma always gives a warning, and she always trusts that the wolf will turn her away if he doesn't want to be touched. There's no resistance when she strokes her hand through his fur, and it's meant to be comforting in a way that maybe Graham doesn't understand. She knows why the wolf was nervous, because it's the same reason why she hasn't removed herself from the group yet. It'd just been too hard to wake him up and too early in the morning for her to decide he was just tired.

And even blaming it on that now doesn't feel quite right, but what else is she supposed to do?] He'd like breakfast in bed. [Emma would also like breakfast in bed, but if that's not going to happen they'll have to get up eventually. She look up toward Graham to give him a soft smile. This isn't the most comfortable position they could be in, but it beats moving.] How long have you been able to ... ?

[He warned her that he could, and she's already seen it in action. The way the two of them interact with each other is like family, so his understanding of the animal is already there - but knowing what his wolf says is pretty incredible. The only person she's ever seen communicate with an animal was Mary Margaret.]

( for what it's worth, he doesn't feel like an orphan. as far as the Huntsman is concerned, he had a family, and a wonderful one. he doesn't remember anything of his flesh and blood family, and there's no part of him that holds onto resentment or anger for being left behind. he doesn't think of them because he doesn't remember not having them, the wolves had been there before he could be alone. he considers the wolves his family, no matter how strange that might be to people on the outside of it. they'd protected him, they'd cared for him, they'd fed him and kept him safe and piled close to keep him warm on cold nights and licked his tears when the dark frightened him. he doesn't have the perspective to really think that it was a poor way to grow up, he wouldn't change it for anything.

no, Brother doesn't stop her, watching her with mismatched eyes and whimpering a few notes, which earns a frown from the Huntsman. the shared connection does seem to make the wolf feel at better ease. like he's not so alone in his desire to protect his brother. he closes his eyes and huffs, apparently content with resting if the humans refused to get up and make him something tasty.

Emma might not be very comfortable, but Graham doesn't have much of a complaint. he feels better with the individuals he cares for most close to his side. she shifts her head on his shoulder to look him in the eye and the slight smile she offers reminds him of the one she'd worn for a heartbeat in the station. which isn't the safest thing to think about, right now, when she's so close and such things are so tempting. at least what she's asking is a good distraction. )

Not long. A few days. ( he looks puzzled, but more or less he's not complaining or shooting a gift horse in the mouth. he likes being able to speak to his brother. translate for him, for others that don't understand. wolves thought in simpler terms than humans did, so maybe it was a little sad that his brother was funnier than Graham himself was. ) They give us things, on occasion. I doubt this in particular was for good behavior.

( he hasn't been exactly shy about telling senior members of ALISTAIR what he thinks about the establishment in general. )

It's definitely not. You'd have to behave for that. [ Emma shouldn't sound impressed, though he'll probably pick up on the fact that she does, anyway. His defiance in Storybrooke had been more covert than overt. Here, he'll openly speak out against ALASTAIR. Maybe she should take from it that he's a man with nothing to lose, instead she's glad to see that he speaks his mind. Someone should. Everything that's keeping them here is preventing people from being with their families, and their friends. This mission has taken Emma away from people who need her. It's too soon for her to start complaining, she needs at least a week to see how this place runs, but good for him for making sure he's given these people a piece of his mind.

... There are upsides to this this place that she's aware of, too. He's alive. He has his wolf. They even threw in a nifty power that allows the two of them to communicate in a way they couldn't before. The good things only serve to make her more suspicious of ALASTAIR, because, as Graham said - they give them good things on occasion. Probably just enough good to keep from an uprising. What would happen if they became united against ALASTAIR? Would they do it, or are there too many people in situations like his? It's hard enough to speak out when there's something to lose. For people like Graham, it's everything.]

It's kinda nice. He doesn't have to work as hard to get through to you anymore. [Because they both remember how he'd tried in Storybrooke. All Graham knew at the time was that the wolf was his friend. As it turns out, they're family. They should be able to communicate with each other.] So, does he - [ Nope. She's not going to ask. In fact she almost completely hits the breaks on that one and focuses her attention on the wolf to keep Graham from following up, but she can feel his eyes on her anyway and it's no good if he's going to stare her into submission.]

Does he like me? [It's embarrassing to ask, okay? She never had to think about it until now. If the answer is no, he doesn't have to tell her, she'd rather he didn't share the negative. And that's probably why she shouldn't have asked in the first place - because if he can't answer honestly, then what's the point in mentioning it to begin with?] - Forget I said anything. [ She'd rather not know.]

( perhaps it's nothing for her to be impressed by, but it's certainly a fact that he does not bother to curb his tongue. not anymore. he was forced to for a very long time; now that he has the opportunity to say what he thinks, he does so. chances are that there will be consequences for speaking out, it's just that he has a hard time being afraid of those consequences when he's already suffered far worse, more than likely. he's even died for his defiance at this point, he's not particularly worried about what ALISTAIR might do if he speaks out against them.

and he thinks somebody should. they don't think of the people that are forced to work for them. they care little about the individual and solely about results. for that matter they found nothing wrong in deception and deviousness, in harming the very people that were forced into their service. no, he does not find them a trustworthy group, and he'd rather say it out loud and hopefully protect other people just as trapped as he is than keep it to himself. perhaps that is foolish, considering they could just as easily take away as they had given. still, it does not seem honorable to curb his tongue to protect himself. he'd never be as honorable as the animals he was so fond of, but it was about time he started to try. )

I could understand him before, to a point. ( during the curse it had been hard to understand the wolf he didn't remember, but Graham didn't suffer from that impairment any longer. he could understand the wolf fairly well, mostly from reading context rather than really understanding what his brother was thinking. he could read posture and movements and actions just as clearly, they were practically a language in and of themselves. still, the depth of connection the ability offers him is not one that he can really think ill of. it allows him to actually talk to his brother and know what he thinks in return. it's invaluable, even though it's not quite enough to make him think fondly of ALISTAIR. ) I still like knowing what he's thinking.

( he can't help but mumble a laugh at her question. as if it were so hard to tell if the wolf liked her or not. for starters, he wouldn't have wedged his way into their pile if he didn't. still, if Emma wants the affirmation, it's not hard to give it to her. ) He likes you. ( mostly the wolf seemed to tease Graham about her, asking about the lady human that had gone away and was back. he was much like a brother in that. ) He calls you Golden Lady. I think because of your hair. ( there was a lot more to Emma than the sunshine tint of her hair, but wolves had rather focused vocabulary. speaking of, Brother lifted his ears at the mention of the Golden Lady, apparently comprehending they were talking about him. he stretched his silver head to lay his chin on Emma's hand, more or less a sshhh, I'm trying to sleep gesture, but surely it reaffirmed that he didn't mind her at the same time. )

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april 4th or something.

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13th idk???

backdates to january 1st tbh

Hdu

can't be tamed etc

I'll get you for banishing me to january

& my little dog too I hope!!! COMMIT

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I will come at u so help me

TOO BAD I DON'T HAVE A DOG cackles madly into the night

Gets you a dog just for this

NOOOOOOO but ok make sure it's qt

shiba???

DEAL my cute little loaf doge... until you steal it YOU MONSTeR

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April 15th

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