[If this was any other circumstance, Keats would be the level-headed one. He gets dumb when stuff like this is involved. That's totally not an excuse.]

Right, right, she would like that. [He's taking this so seriously???] Maybe you should say that I came across you and that I fought the crab that was trying to hurt you?

[A long pause - he lifts his hand to rub his face.]

This is so stupid. What am I doing...? She'll never buy it.