[ The Light wasn't waiting for her. Despite her denial of the evidence, some part of her knew that the Dark had been trying to claw its way in since she first touched the Force. It told her to force him to back down the hard way in the interrogation chamber, told her to kill him out in the cold, and it demanded restitution for Han Solo's death every moment since then.

Revenge, he was right, had no place in the Light. Maz Kanata had promised that it was always within her, but it felt farther away now somehow, and without training, she wondered if she would ever find it again. She could remember how it felt—serene, calming, like the warmth she felt around Finn and Han, but also like the peace of her isolation without anything else to cloud her thoughts.

Since she'd come under ALASTAIR's employ, there had always been something clouding her thoughts.

Now, Kylo Ren forced her to wrestle with it, goaded her with the threat of the encroaching Darkness that she reflexively withdrew from, the same Darkness that caused her to hesitate each time she went for Luke's lightsaber since she'd come to Perdition's Rest. He could sense that wariness in her, that fear. ]

I'm not afraid of the Dark. [ She closed her hand around the lightsaber, willed herself not to fear its use as she had so that he wouldn't see it in her anymore. But the fear only grew and compounded, feeding on itself. ] You see what you wish to see, but you have no power over me. I won't let you drag me down there.