[ in her mind and in her heart, she has already begun to make a nest in that tent he so proudly speaks of. in her mind and in her heart, she recalls the tent they had shared last, huddled together for warmth while their charges of a past planet slumbered on, a veritable family made safe from the elements. already, she has begun to think of how she might dress that tent, arrange the few keepsakes they have managed to save in a little corner where she might look upon them every following morning, how to best cushion the ground so that the planet's winter might not prove too much of an inconvenience.
her mind has ways of getting ahead of her, and this moment is no exception. where she would often begrudge such an imagination, for so often it prevents her from fully absorbing all that is around her in that moment, right now she finds herself wishing she could have lost herself to those dreams, for the reality before her now may as well have been a nightmare.
patroclus.
the warmth in achilles' voice is like ice water down her back. the light in his eyes like the snuffing out of a flame. he smiles at her so proudly, looking the happiest she has seen him since she'd found him near-death — no... perhaps the happiest she has seen him ever — and where she would normally delight in his joy she can only feel the sharp pinch of a needle against her heart, like the first word of a threat.
patroclus, he says. a name she has heard spilled from his lips many times before, but in past tense, always in past tense. patroclus, his companion. patroclus, his childhood friend. patroclus, his brother in arms and fellow warrior, patroclus, pleasure of his heart, patroclus patroclus patroclus—
back from the dead. here with them now. with him.
happy news?
—except. of course. of course it is happy news. (is it?) here is a man once dead, now back to life, a second chance. (at what?) a joyous occasion. (i want to throw up.) a miracle. (against all laws.) a cause for thanks and celebration. (but what about me—)
—et. he wants them to meet. ]
I...
[ she doesn't want to. please, please don't make her. ]
no subject
her mind has ways of getting ahead of her, and this moment is no exception. where she would often begrudge such an imagination, for so often it prevents her from fully absorbing all that is around her in that moment, right now she finds herself wishing she could have lost herself to those dreams, for the reality before her now may as well have been a nightmare.
patroclus.
the warmth in achilles' voice is like ice water down her back. the light in his eyes like the snuffing out of a flame. he smiles at her so proudly, looking the happiest she has seen him since she'd found him near-death — no... perhaps the happiest she has seen him ever — and where she would normally delight in his joy she can only feel the sharp pinch of a needle against her heart, like the first word of a threat.
patroclus, he says. a name she has heard spilled from his lips many times before, but in past tense, always in past tense. patroclus, his companion. patroclus, his childhood friend. patroclus, his brother in arms and fellow warrior, patroclus, pleasure of his heart, patroclus patroclus patroclus—
back from the dead. here with them now. with him.
happy news?
—except. of course. of course it is happy news. (is it?) here is a man once dead, now back to life, a second chance. (at what?) a joyous occasion. (i want to throw up.) a miracle. (against all laws.) a cause for thanks and celebration. (but what about me—)
—et. he wants them to meet. ]
I...
[ she doesn't want to. please, please don't make her. ]
I'll be there soon.