epidemiology

Entry tags:

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Characters: Undyne and YOU!!!
Date: between the end of the Recollection Day feast and the start of the next mission
Warnings: it's Undyne... but otherwise none.
Summary: catch-all for downtime action

[ A. GREENHOUSE ]

[ Undyne isn't much of a plant person, but sometimes, particularly when she finds herself missing a certain type of tea, she wanders around and looks at the plants. She knows nothing about them and has no interest in the herbology lessons; she doesn't even know why she does it.

Maybe she just hopes she'll see that particular yellow flower again.

In a section she's never visited before, however, she's become very interested in a large plant with a WARNING sign next to it. Becuase it says DO NOT TOUCH in big red letters, that can only mean one thing. She looks up to the nearest person and points at it. ]

Hey! What do you think happens if I touch it?

[ B. STABLES ]

[ Even though they've been back for a while now, Undyne feels like she's missed a lot of time with Dogberry. He's growing into a big adult dog and she hasn't been around to train him. Today, she's set up in the training ring with a few agility trials and even a couple-- yes, those are puzzles. They're dog puzzles, though, so they don't count. ]

Hey! Play dead!

[ When she shouts the command, she's not looking at Dogberry. In fact, both dog and master are looking at whoever's closest, very intently. ]

[ C. REC ROOM ]

[ From the looks of it, Undyne has never played billiards before. Putting aside the fact that she's formed the balls in a little triangle correctly, she is currently wielding the pool cue like a spear, and pointing at anyone who comes into the rec hall. Whether they've just finished dinner or are just come to relax-- it doesn't matter. And she grins that grin that says she's feeling feisty, as she challenges them to game. ]

You! Come fight me!

[ ...that's not how you ask someone to play billiards. ]

[ D. WILDCARD ]

[ Whattaya got for me, chief? ]

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Well, my educated guess would be something bad is going to happen!

[ Though, none of his sister's special genetically altered blood-nourished roses back home ever had warning labels. Not that Dio ever needed one to stay clear of them. ]

So unless you're feeling masochistic, I would heed the warning!

[ Undyne does not look entirely convinced, but she's still holding back. But only barely. ]

Why? It's a plant, what's the worst that could happen?

Some plants can be pretty dangerous, you know!

Even the usually harmless ones can, if the wrong person is taking care of them.

It could be like a venus fly trap, ready to grab [ He makes a quick, grabbing motion in the air with his hand, his tone turning playfully ominous. ] and devour you if you get too close to try and touch it!

[And there's Sans, eating what looks like a dry brick of ramen noodles.]

Sure thing, boss. [He blinks out his eyelights, before taking another bite off the Nood Brick(tm).] ｈｏｗ'ｓｔｈｉｓ?

Heyyy, a pool tab-- [Ban had wandered over to say hello to Undyne, finding himself cut off as she got in his face with a challenge. He blinked out his surprise until finally settling.

Ban set his hand on a pool cue, rolling his fingers over it.]

--Do you mean hit each other or play a game ♪?

What? No way! They don't even have teeth, and why would they keep a plant like that here anyway?

[ As if she hasn't seen enough weird stuff on their missions to think that such a thing could exist. ]

I just meant lay on the ground?! You should be good at that!

[ Dogberry, meanwhile, seems way, way more interested in the food in Sans' hands. He doesn't know what it is, but he wants to find out. ]

...both?

[ She's not immediately sure how that would work, so she has to think on it for a second, trying to come up with a way to incorporate hand to hand combat with billiards.

She comes up empty and shakes her head. ]

Nah, I guess just one or the other. You can pick!

[Like it was nothing, his eyelights blink right back in place and Sans wastes no time following her new instructions.

Undyne was right, after all. He was super good at laying on the ground.]

Is this a paying gig? [He asks, from the ground, while Dogberry sniffs and slobbers eagerly around his food. Considering most of it is falling through the back of his skull, the pup is in luck.] 'Cuz I pay my union dues, y'know.

You're asking the wrong person that one! Or are you new here, too?

And, plants don't need teeth to be dangerous.

Getting to spend time with Dogberry should be payment enough!

[ With a command, she beckons Dogberry to her side again and, like the good dog he is, he obeys and sits next to her. ]

Just stay still, alright? This won't take long.

[ That was to Sans, naturally. To Dogberry, she issues a series of commands, and he obeys: first he "finds" Sans, then circles several times as if patrolling, then finally comes to lay on top of him, as if trying to protect or warm him. ]

Do you feel rescued yet?

Not... here-here. I guess I just don't come out to the greenhouse that often.

[ She summons a spear in one hand, and with the blunt end, pokes at the stem of the plant. This action, in particular, doesn't seem to elicit much effect, and her brow furrows. ]

Why, are you?

[When it came to staying still, Sans was particularly skilled. Even as Dogberry surrounds and "rescues" him, he remains motionless -- save the waver of his eyelights as they follow the dogs movements.

When Dogberry finally settles on top of him, though, he can't quite fight the wheeze.]

Rescued from the burden of breathing. [haha as if he did that ANYWAY.] This some new training thing?

Not new, just a drill. Up!

[ Is she talking to Dogberry? Is she talking to Sans? It's anyone's guess, but she does get Dogberry to heel again. ]

I like to make sure he still remembers all the right moves before sending someone out into the forest to pretend like they're dead or lost or both.

I am!

I got here with the others right in the middle of that last [ Handwave. ] mission. It was a pretty interesting experience, to say the least!

[ His eyebrows raise when she summons the spear, though he first follows her gaze to watch for any potential reaction from the plant. ]

That's an interesting weapon!

[Well hopefully it was to Dogberry, because Sans is plenty comfortable here on the floor. He's now covered in white fur, but that seems equally unconcerned.]

So this is just a preamble to the real test, huh?

I guess kind of like a warmup, but for a dog. Have you ever trained a dog before?

[ She suspects the answer is no, mostly because she knew most of the dogs in the Underground already... ]

That wasn't a mission, that was a... a pain in the ass.

[ Well, she doesn't really have a clever euphemism, so she comes up with the next best thing. She's easily distracted as he eyes her spear.

The plant doesn't seem to care for it. ]

What, this? Yeah I guess humans don't see a lot of magic weapons, do they? You wanna hold it?

I've hung out with a dog, but there weren't any trains there. [Sans grins, sprawling his arms and legs out in a four-point star. Spread eagle, is the word. Tilting his skull back further, he watches an upside down Dogberry shuffle around an uspide-down Undyne's feet.]

Where'd you get that one, anyway? Now that we're not pretending I know stuff.

Well... [With a hum, Ban circled around the table for a moment while running his fingers over it. He had just been testing it to make sure it was level. Yanking a coin out of his pocket, he placed it on the felt surface and spun it for a moment before he was certain.

The funny thing about pub games had been that even friends tended to cheat one another occasionally. He had his heart broken, before.]

Lookin' good. I'll go with the game for now~.

Oh my god.

[ See? This. This is why it doesn't matter which Sans he is because they all say stuff like that. ]

I got him ALASTAIR sometime last year. I've been training him ever since. He hasn't really gotten to use it in the field very much, but one day he's going to be the best search and rescue dog this team has ever seen!

[ Possibly the only search and rescue dog? ]

It's magic?

[ A question, easily forgotten by her offer. He perks, eyes lighting up. ]

--can I? Really?! I want to!

I dunno, I used to work with a lot of the dogs you trained. [But it's clear he's teasing. His coworkers in Snowdin were an eccentric bunch sometimes, but they were still very good dogs (brent).] When does he get his armor?

Yeah, knock yourself out. You can't take it too far though, so don't try to steal it, 'cause it won't work.

[ The perks of having your primary weapon effectively tied to your own life force. Being a monster is awesome.

She holds out the spear, dull end first. When held, it feels cold and wet without actually being wet or getting anything damp, just that weird tingly feeling of cold, still water. ]

He's got a uniform already, if that counts. It's back in my room. Wanna see?

[ Listen. Listen. She just really loves this dumb dog, more than any other dog she has ever trained, and she wants to show him off to everyone, even Sans. ]

Hahah, alright. --uh, I guess just a friendly game, I don't really have anything worth betting??

[ Mostly she just wants to relax and have some fun. Under any other circumstance, she'd be all over making some kind of grandiose wager, but for right now, it might be nice to just play and shoot the shit.

She starts racking the balls, and nods in his direction. ]

Flip that coin to see who goes first, I call tails!

[Lucky for her, Sans' grin only broadens.]

Sure, lead the way. [He falls into step alongside her. Walking wasn't his favorite, but the idea of teleporting himself, Undyne, and Dogberry edged it out on the effort scale.] N' hey, now that we've cleared up that whole timeline thing... where'd you get Dogberry, anyway?

[One of the many things he'd been presumed to know, and thus hadn't bothered to ask.]

Betting~? Well, you don't wanna gamble with a thief.

[He was friendly enough with Undyne to at least make that clear. When it came to Ban and regular friends, he was nice enough to give a fair warning at the start.

Were Undyne one of the sins, no mercy would be given.]

Course, you may have an advantage, anywayyyy. Knights with lances tend to have steady hands in this game ♪. [Ban flipped the coin--turning his hand over to show the non-heads side of the coin. It was a picture of an eagle rather than the lion he was used to seeing on his coins in Liones.]

Tails it isssss. [He bowed politely and began racking the balls so Undyne could take the first turn. Lifting the bar, Ban stepped back and set it down on a chair.]

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A!!! Because plants

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B, because how could I not

C

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i actually have no idea how to play pool outside of what homestuck has taught me

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it's mostly about hitting balls in a certain order