[ it makes sense. stupid keith. making sense. but, no, she appreciates it. it's unbelievable, what a difference it makes to be able to talk this out with someone who offers more than single-syllable sentences and advice about repressing everything.
when he asks that question — yikes, she thinks of urahara. you can't force a person to come back to the light. you can only give them a reason to want to. no. she wasn't trying to force him. she was just trying to give him that reason.
it becomes super apparent in the slow decay of her ease into confusion and conflict that, no, he has not expressed such a want. what does ben want? she thinks of the night of the festival. what do you want to be, she'd asked him, and he'd pushed her away. but then, later, after she had fought with poe, when she touched him—
she sighs. he's confusing. ]
I don't know what Ben wants. I don't know that Ben knows what Ben wants.
[ sometimes, it's like she can see the light in him as clear as day, close enough to touch. and then it's like he flinches away from it, and his fear makes him drive it away, and then he's just … kylo ren, again. even she knows these thoughts don't make any coherent kind of sense and sound vaguely schizophrenic, so she holds them back. ]
He's so moody. I've talked to Kisuke-san about it. [ this is almost like trying to give herself a pat on the back. she has talked to keith, and to urahara. maybe not to finn and poe because they're close to it, but she's trying to talk to people and not push them away because he's right. isolating herself is the path to the dark, too. ] He says all I can do is give him a reason to want to. And I'm trying. But it's like what you said, about our futures? Every time I get close, he pushes me away.
no subject
when he asks that question — yikes, she thinks of urahara. you can't force a person to come back to the light. you can only give them a reason to want to. no. she wasn't trying to force him. she was just trying to give him that reason.
it becomes super apparent in the slow decay of her ease into confusion and conflict that, no, he has not expressed such a want. what does ben want? she thinks of the night of the festival. what do you want to be, she'd asked him, and he'd pushed her away. but then, later, after she had fought with poe, when she touched him—
she sighs. he's confusing. ]
I don't know what Ben wants. I don't know that Ben knows what Ben wants.
[ sometimes, it's like she can see the light in him as clear as day, close enough to touch. and then it's like he flinches away from it, and his fear makes him drive it away, and then he's just … kylo ren, again. even she knows these thoughts don't make any coherent kind of sense and sound vaguely schizophrenic, so she holds them back. ]
He's so moody. I've talked to Kisuke-san about it. [ this is almost like trying to give herself a pat on the back. she has talked to keith, and to urahara. maybe not to finn and poe because they're close to it, but she's trying to talk to people and not push them away because he's right. isolating herself is the path to the dark, too. ] He says all I can do is give him a reason to want to. And I'm trying. But it's like what you said, about our futures? Every time I get close, he pushes me away.