[ It's a wonder she can hear him over the sound of blood rushing in her ears. It's as cold as it always is in the heavy rain like this, but Rey feels hot in her jacket. It's not the weather. This conversation is stifling.
That Keith and Loki know so much drives home what she had already concluded long before: that she's the weak link here that keeps giving things away by acting impulsively. And Keith paints it for her.
The fact that she doesn't know how to be anything but honest and earnest makes her a truly awful liar. She focuses instead on what she does know how to handle, which is the piece that's really between her and Keith. ]
I didn't want to use Gram because I didn't like that you asked me to talk and showed up with a weapon. [ Rey says this in no uncertain terms because she'd thought that much would have been apparent. ] I was scared and hurt. I know that losing your trust was my fault, but I didn't expect that. And when I saw what it could do, the way it hurt Ben, I only felt worse.
I understand now what you were trying to do. [ She reiterates this because maybe he thinks she didn't mean it in the hotel. ] And I'm glad that Poe and I were able to talk about things on the Headquarters because of it. But at the time ... [ That wasn't true at all. She shakes her head. ] Refusing to touch it had nothing to do with Ben. It was because I was hurt. You may have never intended to attack me with it, but I felt like I was being punished.
[ Maybe she deserved punishment. Maybe admitting her mistake hadn't been enough, but that's never been Rey's way. Punishing people who were apologizing, who knew they'd done wrong, seemed cruel, and Keith wasn't cruel. Still, coming out with that sword without even talking to her for the days between the roof and that moment, when she'd offered nothing but apologies and willingness to meet him on his level, left her feeling like he saw her as something truly awful.
And now, seeing that this still lingers beneath the surface, she's not entirely sure if that was off the mark. Maybe he does still see her that way. She doesn't want to think that's true, though. Like he said — they're still friends. Surely, if he saw her the way she feels like he sees her in this moment, and when he'd brought Gram, then that wouldn't be true. ]
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That Keith and Loki know so much drives home what she had already concluded long before: that she's the weak link here that keeps giving things away by acting impulsively. And Keith paints it for her.
The fact that she doesn't know how to be anything but honest and earnest makes her a truly awful liar. She focuses instead on what she does know how to handle, which is the piece that's really between her and Keith. ]
I didn't want to use Gram because I didn't like that you asked me to talk and showed up with a weapon. [ Rey says this in no uncertain terms because she'd thought that much would have been apparent. ] I was scared and hurt. I know that losing your trust was my fault, but I didn't expect that. And when I saw what it could do, the way it hurt Ben, I only felt worse.
I understand now what you were trying to do. [ She reiterates this because maybe he thinks she didn't mean it in the hotel. ] And I'm glad that Poe and I were able to talk about things on the Headquarters because of it. But at the time ... [ That wasn't true at all. She shakes her head. ] Refusing to touch it had nothing to do with Ben. It was because I was hurt. You may have never intended to attack me with it, but I felt like I was being punished.
[ Maybe she deserved punishment. Maybe admitting her mistake hadn't been enough, but that's never been Rey's way. Punishing people who were apologizing, who knew they'd done wrong, seemed cruel, and Keith wasn't cruel. Still, coming out with that sword without even talking to her for the days between the roof and that moment, when she'd offered nothing but apologies and willingness to meet him on his level, left her feeling like he saw her as something truly awful.
And now, seeing that this still lingers beneath the surface, she's not entirely sure if that was off the mark. Maybe he does still see her that way. She doesn't want to think that's true, though. Like he said — they're still friends. Surely, if he saw her the way she feels like he sees her in this moment, and when he'd brought Gram, then that wouldn't be true. ]