epidemiology | [closed] when my brother loved me...

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[closed] when my brother loved me...

CHARACTERS: Gilgamesh and Pearl

DATE: A day or so following the scavenger hunt.

WARNINGS: Mushiness. Possible mentions of death; will update as needed.

SUMMARY: Frank discussions of the ones we once loved.

[Slowly but surely, Gilgamesh has begun to learn.

Pearl says not to kill, so he does not kill. Pearl says to act together, so he waits for her before charging on ahead. Pearl gives little hints and subtle signs of what pleases her and what doesn't; Gilgamesh pays attention and heeds them as best he can. He forgets the faces that bring him aggravation and focuses only on one.

And slowly but surely, Gilgamesh begins to settle.

He comes to her at night—asks "may I?" rather than announcing "I will"—and manifests in the corner of her room. He does not look depressed, lingering as he does, but he does look unusually docile. Something weighs on his mind, even if it isn't particularly heavy, even if it won't end in another lecture and hurt feelings.

His eyes lift to Pearl's and he wastes no time in expressing what he wants.]

I would like to hear about Rose.

[Again, in that careful phrasing, he gives her room to disagree. If she does not wish to discuss it, they won't. But that gaze of his is insistent, in its own quiet way.]

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[Pearl had noticed a change between the two of them. Not quite as tense. Content. A mutual understanding between the two of them. Things were easy for now. They were one step closer to finding a solution to this sun nonsense. It was there, they just had to unveil it somehow. Whatever Rick had cooking, she prayed it would work. Or else, all their work would be for naught.

The Gem had welcomed Gilgamesh with a smile and a nod when he manifests within the room. She was currently busying herself with straightening out the covers on her clamshell bed. It was once an eyesore, but she had grown accustomed to the ridiculous bed. It brought out a chuckle from her every once in a while. ALASTAIR had a terrible sense of humor.

Pale hands run over the covers of the bed, smoothing out creases, meticulous as she works, to make the covers as smooth as possible. Then the request comes to her ears, her eyes widening. Fingers stop, frozen and hovering over the covers. They tremble before the curl into a soft fist as she glances over her shoulder at him. Her other hand rests against the bed. Her eyes stare at him, acknowledging his request, but they flicker away, out of hesitation.

Her hands uncurl, getting back to work.]

What about Rose?

[What couldn't she say about Rose?]

Everything.

[Gilgamesh could be considerate, but that did not mean he would make it easy. He could ask "may I", but that did not mean she would like what followed after it. And though he does not intend to make her uneasy or unwell, this is something they would have to address at some point—a hurdle they would have to clear as Master and Servant. Not an obstacle, necessarily, but something they could not shuffle under the rug forever.

As a rule, Gilgamesh cannot stomach being second best, so he's trying to understand. Trying to empathize with the bond shared between them.]

I sensed it within your heart. When you were resting. Your thoughts turned to her, and you were filled with love and devotion. You were so pure in those moments. You were so happy. And yet you were torn, too, as though...

[As though there was business left unfinished. Gilgamesh comes closer, one step at a time. Like approaching an animal.]

...as though you could not forgive yourself for thinking of it to begin with. I found it startling. I found it curious.

[And a curious Gilgamesh would always act upon such an inclination. He was a very nosy Servant, after all.]

[Pearl doesn't move from her spot. Her shoulders flinch up to her ears, as if hiding herself from his gaze. It was amazing, the Master and Servant link between them. Already he knew so much, in just a fee glimpses into her emotions. This would have come up at some point. Pearl knew this very well, but perhaps she had been blind to it, haven't spent time in ignorance.

The Gem turns around silently, her gaze downcasted as she takes a spot on her clamshell bedding, her legs pulled to one side, hands resting on her knees. A silent invitation for him to sit on the space beside her hangs in the air.

A bittersweet laugh escapes her, her head tilting upward as she recalls back to her earlier days within her mind. A rush of memories.]

She made me feel like I was everything. She made me feel like I could do anything, as long as I was with her. Rose was powerful, brave, beautiful...

[None of you know what we had!

Pearl feels her shoulders deflate.]

For thousands of years, I was at her side. Devoted to helping her and her cause to save the Earth from our Homeworld.

[She smiles down at her hands, which curl in tighter on themselves.]

Rose loved Earth so much, along with it's living creatures, most of all, the humans. One in particular...

[Gilgamesh seizes the opportunity. But when he does sit, it is slightly apart, facing away, so it won't feel quite so heavy. She won't feel the sting of his gaze or the weight of his expression. He is simply there—there if she needs him, subdued if she doesn't. This was not an exercise in humiliation or discomfort; he just needed to fill in those gaps for himself. For them both.

She made me feel like I was everything. Powerful, brave, beautiful. For thousands of years, I was at her side...

As Gilgamesh suspected, it all rings quite close to his own relationship with Enkidu. He had not been nearly so lucky to enjoy his presence for millennia, but the rest fell neatly into place. Another part of her, her missing half, her joy and her satisfaction and everything in between. He needn't ask if they were in love. This alone makes it obvious, and he knew for a fact that such a relationship amounted to so much more than that, indescribable and wholesome and everything.

Gilgamesh's hand rests on the sheets, a silent invitation for her to take it if she so desires.]

She imprinted strongly on you. Yours is the way of the knight, and I see now it was for her sake.

[Gilgamesh makes no judgments either way. He shares an image of Pearl with her as he imagines her: proud and strong in shining armor, standing firm in her beliefs.]

Did tragedy befall her? There is deep regret within you. I wish to know why.

[Pearl glances to the side as weight shifts on the bed. His presence now beside her. The Gem swallows thickly as she rests one hand against the sheets, close to Gilgamesh's own. Her pinky twitches, contemplating.

She continues.]

Rose fell in love with a human. I had thought, in the past, that he was a novelty at best. Just something that would come and go. That's what always happened. That wasn't the case at all. This human struck a chord inside Rose. To this day, I still don't know what it was exactly but... I knew she cared for that human. She loved him. He gave her something in which... I could not.

And then. Steven was born. In order for him to live, Rose had to give up her physical form in order to produce Steven. The first half Gem ever known to us.

[Oh, no.

Gilgamesh was not a being inclined to compassion. He merited out of his judgment in wicked strikes, delivered cruelty upon cruelty to his own people despite claiming to care for them. But here, he can feel his heart sinking. Because he knows. Because at once, Gilgamesh understands exactly how Pearl felt—a novelty in itself for the great tyrant.

Pearl could have only felt betrayed by this, could've only blamed herself for this. "Did I not love her enough?" "Did I not do enough?" "Why him, why not me?" All questions that undoubtedly ran through her mind. It must've shattered her, and all the more when Rose paid with her own life to bring another into the world.

Gilgamesh does not regret asking, but he regrets that there is nothing he can do to erase that sort of burden. She would carry it forever. He knows that now, too.]

Pearl...

[He wants to turn around, wants to embrace her. But that in itself feels like betrayal. Did she even desire affection at all, after Rose? Or did she still carry the torch? Gilgamesh hedges and hesitates and ultimately settles on tilting his head just a little towards her, trying to ease off the naturally rough edges to his tone.]

You gave all that you could. And I know—I know—you were loved in return.

[Gilgamesh refuses to believe otherwise. For who could not love one as beautiful and resplendent as Pearl?]

[At that point, Pearl rests her hand lightly atop his. A sign of reassurance. Despite the tears streaming down her face as she finally looks up at him. Through them, a smile manages its way into view.]

She loved everyone. Rose had a huge heart and... I'm glad to have been a part of it. I was there with her, from the beginning to the end. She cared for every living thing, and so does her sweet son in which I have dedicated my life to protecting. Along with the planet Earth.

[She smiles with a little more confidence, her hand over his lightly gripping his fingers. Trembling as she tries to steel her emotions, stubbornly rubbing at her eyes with the heel of her other palm

She speaks softly... even carefully as she averts her eyes away from him, keeping her hand where it was.]

Enkidu reminds me very much of Rose. Your relationship with him... You both looked so happy.

[She is crying. She is crying, and yet he's comforted by it. Why? He finds no enjoyment in this sort of anguished sorrow. But perhaps there is more to it. Perhaps there is more to that smile of hers, that suggests for all the pain the memories brought, they also brought pleasure. A rush of nostalgia for those days of adventure. A heart that beat with love for one who loved another even more.

His fingers slip with ease into the gaps between Pearl's, and he finally decides, yes, I suppose it is time.]

You know...

[And he will shift to face her now, to rest on his knees before her. He is also smiling for a very similar reason.]

He was just like you, forged of the earth. He could be a great mountain, a soaring bird, a brilliant gem. He loved someone, as well. He loved them so much, he chose to wear their face for the rest of his days. And he challenged me on my own steps, and he was strong, Pearl, as strong as anything.

[To speak of him now, at least like this, brings him no discomfort. He regretted the way his story ended, but never the way it began. It brings life to his features. Joy.]

So too he chose to protect the planet. So to it he returned. I do not doubt it was the same for Rose. I do not doubt she was great as you say.

[Pearl blinks away the remaining tears, looking up to him once more in genuine curiosity. A man made from the earth? She tilts her head a fraction to one side. She turns to face him completely as well, holding his hand between her own two. An anchor keeping her in the present. To keep herself grounded. She sniffles.]

So he was some kind of rock man? Who could change shape?

[Oddly familiar when she says it out loud like that.]

What was he protecting the Earth from?

[Gilgamesh nods, glad to have her attention and glad to have diverted it from unhappier thoughts. And how he describes Enkidu... it's with just as much love and affection with which she'd describe Rose. Her estimation that they were similar was in fact right on the money, and it becomes all the more obvious as he goes on.]

He was made of clay, shaped by the goddess Anu. Anu sent Enkidu down, just for me, intended as my equal. He could converse with plants and animals as if they were human beings, because he was tied to the planet itself by the nature of his creation.

[He breaks into an easy grin. Pearl will feel it, over their bond, as his heart swells with pride, recalling the tale.]

Balance! That was his purpose. In a sense, you could say he was protecting the Earth from me. That is how the story begins...

[A man of clay made to balance out the King of Heroes. It sounded ridiculous, but from what she heard from his stories and how Gilgamesh spoke of the man... she could believe it. Just like how Rose made her break out of her shell. How she brought out another side of Pearl. She saw that same thing with Enkidu and Gilgamesh. A side of the King in which she rarely ever saw.

It wasn't as if Pearl was ever happy. She cherishes Steven more than anything, and wouldn't trade him for the world. That companionship she had with Rose, however, was something hard to come by.

Pearl gives his hand a light squeeze, offering a small grin of her own.]

I do hope you're able to find some sort of balance here.

[Pearl doesn't mean for him to find a replacement, not at all. Gilgamesh deserves to be challenged. To be opposed, with that raw strength and confidence he has. It'd certainly keep him busy, and maybe, entertained.]

The last thing I want is for you to have dull evenings.

They are peaceful because of you.

[A quiet truth admitted in a quiet space. His eyes are frightening things, terrible things, wicked things, but they are soft now, subdued by her presence. The tips of his fingers play over her knuckles, over the little dips and gaps, thoughtful. As gentle as he speaks to her where only they can hear.]

To be a good person, to be a bad person—such distinctions do not apply to me. I am beyond them. I am beyond that sort of judgment. But to find fulfillment, to find purpose... to be a better person, in spite of all else... I believe those things are also because of you.

[His free hand finds the side of her face. Flickers through hair. Dusts over a cheek. It is hard to believe is the hand of a tyrant when it treats her so fondly.]

So I have already found my balance. She sits besides me now. She fights with me. And she looks after me. And that is enough.

[Pearl's blue eyes flicker up to his crimson ones. That warm edge about them causes her shoulders to slump and relax. His eyes always seemed to command authority and respect, in which she wishes to do in turn regardless after their previous argument. She feels his hand explore her own, soft and gentle. Contrasting against the strength she had seen weeks before.

And then his hand is at her cheek, and it causes her to take a sharp intake of breath. It wasn't out of fear. She wasn't expecting such an action from the King of Heroes. Especially with a Pearl. Heat under his fingertips rises, that familiar blue tint rising to her cheeks. Lately she had been noticing how affectionate Gilgamesh had gotten. It wasn't a bad thing, she just... never expected this.

It was nice. Familiar. And she finds herself tilting her head into his hand.]

M-Me? I haven't done anything...

I-I can't possibly be the balance you require. Besides, you can look after yourself just fine!

[Despite her still checking up on him.]

[When it suited him, the King could be kind. His lovers he brought to his bed with the fondest affection, and so he showered them with attention; everyday attitudes were often forgotten behind closed doors where the world could not see him for what he truly was. He gauges her reaction and responds accordingly, tracing the bottom of her lip with his thumb. And unlike before, during their night flight, keenly watching for signs of discomfort—signs of dislike.

Ultimately, he was simply too physical a creature, too dependent on touch with his Masters. Kirei had learned this lesson the hard way.]

Was it not you who brought us victory against that beast in the caves? Was it not you who so bravely stood before me, asserting that she could and would bring down the sword if necessary? Was it not you who looked me in the eyes, and challenged me, fearing for nothing?

[Maybe she did fear for something. But the important thing was she did not kowtow to him. She did not lick his boots, did not bow at his heels and heed his every whim. She was her own individual and acted in the interests of not just herself, but others. She was fierce in her own way and committed to the mistake she'd made.

Pearl would not be wrong to sense a certain respect hanging off his words, for that is what he feels towards her.]

Whatever you are, whatever you are not, this kind of Master... is exactly what I desire.

[Pearl feels her blush spread over her face. How he spoke so highly of her. She pulls that lower lip back, pulling it back to create a thin pursed line. She hadn't been this close to anyone in decades. Her chest swells with anticipation, her other hand reaching up to take hold of Gilgamesh's.

A proud feeling rises within her, and she lowers that hand to rest it against her chest. The warmth of herself beaming at the two them. Their progress. What they've been through.]

You are right. I won't back down from what's presented before me. I know he's been rather difficult, but so have I.

I believe he and I will continue to improve. Together. And we'll have happier days ahead.

[Pearl releases his hand and leans forward, giving his cheek a soft kiss. Light and fleeting, the warmth of her cheeks felt for a brief moment. She pulls back, just enough to see her very own reflection in those blood red eyes, for a solid moment before settling back down on the bed.]

I appreciate all you do. You've been very patient with me...

Edited 2016-01-19 19:20 (UTC)

[Gilgamesh takes it all in stride. He could be an insatiable man, an insufferable man, but some part of him remained hopelessly romantic—just rarely expressed through the proper channels. Yet Pearl soothes him by nature and so he follows along without pushing too far, too fast. Though he embarrasses for nothing there's a small red spot that lingers where her lips touch, and he shuts his eyes, and finds contentment in it.]

So you were loved then, so you are loved now.

[Gilgamesh declares as much without hesitation. His body sinks in a graceful sort of arch to settle on his side near to her, almost catlike in doing so. There was so much power in that form, strength enough to ruin a world, but it's all docile now. It's all laid down, at her fingertips, for her to command.

Of course she was his balance. He'd do this for no one else, save for that long lost brother.]

It's the decree of the King, so you cannot refuse. Remember it. Hold onto it. Never let it go.

[A soft smile graces her lips then as she watches the King of Heroes curls up on the bed beside her. A strong form, and yet, so content in curling up beside her. Just like a mighty lion. She finds the similarities amusing, letting a small laugh escape her.

This is what she misses from home. The closeness of the other Crystal Gems. How they could just be themselves around one another. While Amethyst could be a handful, and Garnet was rather stoic, they felt comfortable in one another's presence. And even Pearl couldn't lie, she found herself rather clingy to her fellow Gems. Latching onto them. An anchor. She did the same with Steven. This reminded her of just that.

Her fingers reach over, threading into his golden hair softly to straighten it out absentmindedly.]

Of course. As you decree, Gilgamesh. [She giggles again, prodding his nose in a playful "I know" gesture, before pulling her hand back.]

Your word is law, after all. Even though I am your Master. [A small jest.]

[Nearly anyone else would've been struck for daring to touch him so closely. Sex was incidental, ubiquitous even for a hedonist of Gilgamesh's stature, but this sort of contact was reserved for only a few. A brush to the face, fingers in his hair. These were acts of true intimacy. These were acts of trust, and Gilgamesh trusted precious little outside of himself.

He leans in like a happy animal to it. Raises his head and his cheek to graze against fingers, and had he a tail, it would be wagging. He appears almost disappointed when they draw back though he does not think to complain. Another switch simply gets flicked within his mind; I must try harder to earn her favor. It is conditioning. He is learning how to behave because he is learning to crave the rewards that follow for it.

He does flush a little when he gets poked at, flustering at once.]

W... well... of course! It is still an honor to command the likes of me! Even if you're becoming a fine leader, you shouldn't get too cocky!

[It is very obvious, however, there's absolutely no bite to Gilgamesh's words. He's really no better than Steven like this, huffing and puffing.]

Honestly. That fool Kirei's probably bumbling about in the dark right now without my guidance. You Masters are a quirky lot, to be certain.

[It brings out a louder and much more genuine laugh from Pearl. Seeing him bristle like this. Yet again, another side she never really gets to see. She wonders if anyone else, besides Enkidu, had seen this side of him. Maybe even his past Masters? Then again, he doesn't seem to speak too highly of them.]

It was only a joke. [She reassures him, her gaze soft and gentle.]

I assure you, I won't get too cocky. I know where my limits are. [A leader though. Was she really becoming one? Had she been demonstrating such qualities, especially during their encounter with that beast? Sure, they had to act fast and plan in time with one another, but it was a team effort. She insisted upon it.]

I do hope to train a little more. You Servants can be such a handful. [And she nudges his side.] I have to keep up with you somehow.

[She's laughing. That's a good thing, right? Part of him still expects she'll start frowning again at any second, that he'll get berated for whatever else he did or didn't do... but he'd been trying. He'd spared that Tohsaka girl a bloody death and hadn't so much as spoken to any of the others from his world recently. So surely this was genuine, surely it boded well—surely she was happy, if only for a short while.

Gilgamesh edges closer. He's acting stubborn but his body language gives him away, what he really wants. Her Servant could be wise and powerful and all things ancient, but in the same breath he could still be awfully childish.]

I suppose that's fair enough. Servants cannot truly be considered human any longer, and when cornered, they undoubtedly act like the worst sort of animal. A hungry Servant will lash out at anything, and to put it in the frankest terms, we are little better than parasites given how we feed.

[On the subject of keeping up, however, he brightens, gestures emphatically with his hands.]

Then, you must come and train with me more often! I've every weapon imaginable to test yourself against. I hear their owner is a fine prize himself.

[She notices him getting closer, similar to how Lion silently begged for attention from Steven. The smile never fades from her face as she listens to his words, her hand reaching down to brush against his cheek again, this time, with the back of her delicate fingers. She stares at him under long lashes, a soft grin visible.]

Oh is he now? [She leans her head down to look him in the eye, both hands now holding both sides of his face gently. The Gem looks down at him with a skeptical look, looking him up and down before she raises her eyebrows.]

I guess he's okay. Strong. Effective tactics... But I wouldn't consider him a 'prize'.

[Oh. Oh. That's a real look, alright. Gilgamesh blanches and it throws his thoughts into something of a scramble. It will likely bring her great pleasure to find that she's gotten the better of him this time; it's his turn to stammer and seize up, eyes widening.

In reality, this is exactly how Gilgamesh prefers his women—as terrible teases, as domineering presences—but he's too stubborn to admit to it.]

You guess?! Such disgrace! Such dishonor! I can scarcely believe it from the mouth of the noble Pearl!

[Was this the true Pearl coming to light? But if this was part of her personality, then... did it mean she was becoming more comfortable?]

And surely he is! W-what more would you want?! Go on, tell me! So I can... err...

[...take notes...]

...inform him with no personal investment whatsoever?

[badpokerface.jpg]

[She tries to keep a straight face. Trying her hardest to keep her lips from quivering, brows furrowing. However her mouth cracks into a wide grim, snickering. That face of his! Now that sometging she's never seen! Had she really thrown him for a loop? Indeed, she was getting to be a little bolder with her teasing. Then again, Pearl had been spending a lot of time with her Servant. Perhaps its rubbed off a bit, along with a mix of her being much more comfortable around him. She didn't feel quite as vulnerable around him. Not when the atmosphere was so calm and peaceful between them.

Pearl arches her back as her snickers fade into giggles, gem glowing softly, hands still on either side of his face.]

Tell him that the noble Pearl does not consider him as a prize to be won. He's no 'thing', as she has told him many times before.

He's a magnificent Servant and a confident individual. Much more than a mere 'prize'.

[She's getting a little too good at this. He was no blushing maiden. He should be the one courting her, reducing her to putty, but... well, he can't help his own tastes. He's enchanted by her, by the soft glow of her gem, by the touch to his face. Once more his gestures betray him; his hands lift to hers, and he stares for a moment, transfixed.

No Master of his ever treated him so kindly. No Master ever would again. And so Gilgamesh vows to himself no matter what, I cannot lose this.]

You honor him with your words.

[The petty fire leaves his tongue, replaced by a quiet sort of earnestness. His eyes seem to shine. She has made him a very happy man.]

So he will honor you with his service. He hopes... no, he knows it will do, for she deserves nothing less than a King.

[Her hands softly drag up his face, a downward motion for her, and lets her fingers run through his hair once more. The soft blue hue of a blush returns to her cheeks, and even appears at the tip of her trademark nose. As her fingers run through his hair, she notes the seals on her hand. One of which was smudged away, a faded reminder. Her hands pull away from him again, resting in her lap.]

As she will honor the choice she had made with him.

[Could it really be considered a mistake anymore? Yes, she didn't know what she was getting into at the time of the contract between them. Then again, now? They were working together. As a Master and a Servant should. Well, as she would assume they would. There was much less tension between them.

Again, her eyes flicker to her seals...]

For as long as their pact remains.

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[closed] when my brother loved me...

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