epidemiology | there is no god in heaven; you need to run for cover

[ Koltira keeps still as Olivia touches him. He has no strength left to pull away, even if he wanted to. He is not close to death--not more so than usual--but he is battered, he is cut and burned and shot through. He feels fractures in his ribs and legs, making movement difficult. The spell burns, the arrow punctures and bullet holes; these all ooze as he shifts to face her more directly.

He's in pain, of course. But it's the least of his concerns right now. It's an inconvenience, and his own intrinsic pain has settled from a roar to a dull murmur. He feels shame now, more powerfully than anything else. Guilt and misery and self-loathing.

He croaks out her name when he feels her warm palm against his forehead. ]

Olivia, I--

[ I've destroyed everything. I've hurt so many, and so badly. How can I atone for this? How can I ever possibly be forgiven? He curls up on the rock, his chains dragging harshly against the stone as he moves.

For the first time in a long time, tears--dark and acidic, burning on his cheeks--well in his eyes. ]

[ the exhaustion comes off her in waves, a week spent of tending, of mending, of cradling delicate pieces in hands that have been feeling too fragile themselves as of late.

when he speaks, she falls from her knees, taking a seat at his side as if his voice had been all she needed as permission. her shoulders sag, and her head lowers, and she knows that the weariness bearing down on her now is not hers alone.

an imagine flashes in her mind, of achilles beaten and bloody, reaching towards her, and she struggles to push it aside, because the last thing they both need now is her own pain to add on top of his. ]

I know, Koltira, [ she says in a whisper, passing her hand over the cheeks that have been burned. it happens almost naturally, the healing power she'd been blessed with working to repair the damage of his grief. she does not even seem to mind or care when the tears burn through her own flesh — the pain is barely a twinge compared to the ache lingering in her chest. ] I'm sorry too.

Edited (gently fixes something) 2016-10-23 12:32 (UTC)

[ I will cure you of your weakness.

Sylvanas had hissed it in his ear as the abomination's hook pierced his throat. She had smiled, smug, as the portal opened, as he was dragged beneath the Undercity. She meant to burn away his loyalty to Thassarian, his kindness, his compassion. The last vestiges of his nobility. She meant to strip him of hope.

But she had failed.

Locked away in the dark, tortured and bound and subject to scalpels, to poisons and slow curses, he had somehow held on to that weakness. He knew the Ebon Blade would return for him. He knew that he was not forgotten.

And now, back with Audentes, with his memories full and intact, he realizes how deep this weakness goes. How much his time here has changed him. Made him soft.

He reaches for Olivia, trying to push her hand away. Thinking of how much he loves her, and how much it hurts him to see her in any pain at all. ]

D ... don't.

Edited 2016-10-24 01:53 (UTC)

[ if hope is a weakness, then olivia stands no chance.

but that is a fate she has quietly come to terms with long ago, and even now when he tries to wave her away, tries to refuse her kindness again, she persists. she knows how terribly he feels about all this, and it encourages her to stay, convinces her he needs this. ]

I'll not be told my place twice in this week, [ she murmurs, perhaps more firmly than she means it to be. ]

Let me help you, my friend. Since you will not help yourself.

[ He's duly chagrined. His arms go slack at his sides; he lets all resistance drain from his body entirely. He just lies there, stretched out on the rock, as still and quiet as the corpse he is.

His voice is dull; soft. He shuts his eyes, and the cold light in them goes dark. ]

I hurt so many. Papyrus, and Meallan ... I hurt Fate.

[ He starts suddenly, and reaches for her, his voice desperate. ]

Achilles--Olivia, I left him for dead--

[ Did she find him? Did she save him? She must have.

But terrible guilt pins him down again, and he lets her go. Sinks against the rock, miserably. ]

[ when he deflates once more, her hands reach for him in turn. grasps one of his hand, while the magic continues to surge, slowly but steadily. ]

He's fine, [ is all she says, wishing not to get into detail, fearing that panic and fear may rise again and impede in the healing. she wishes she could say with certainty the same for the others... but she trusts in those that had sworn to help, too — the likes of her, sieglinde, and feferi—

at point this trust is all she has. ]

Don't strain yourself any further, Koltira...

[ He just keeps babbling. His hands are open in hers, his fingers splayed out and trembling, his muscles taut. ]

I frightened Sieglinde, I hurt her ... her familiar.

[ His voice falls to a guilty murmur. Shame laces through him, winds around every thought. It's a more powerful shackle than the enchanted iron that's still binding him. ]

There were other children, too. I didn't--I did not strike them, but I--

[ I terrified them. And I wanted to. ]

[ olivia quiets as another familiar name gets added to the list, and for a moment the healing magic pauses. it is a brief halt, a mere breath as she closes her eyes and swallows that knowledge down. another name to the list, another person to check in on.

it's okay. it will be okay. ]

You didn't, [ she repeats, voice firm but cracking around the edges. her hand tightens over his, briefly. ] You could have done a lot of things, a lot worse, but you didn't — let's focus on that, okay?

But ...

[ He catches that crack, and some part of him murmurs a warning, tells him he ought to let it go. Accept her words, and keep still.

He exhales, a gesture meant to steady himself. As distraught as he is, his mind is clear. More so than it has been in five years. He forces him to relax, and to articulate. His fingers interlock with hers. ]

I wanted to. With Achilles, especially. I wanted to kill him.

[ With difficulty, he sits up. ]

Olivia, it was because of you ... it was because of you that I did not. I stood over him, prepared to strike--and then.

[ He squeezes her hand. ]

Then I saw your face.

[ she tries to meet his eyes as he speaks, but when he mentions achilles again — her breath hitches, and she has to look away before her emotions betray her.

they already have, though, in just that action alone. how her brow furrows, and her hand tightens around his. how her lips purse around words she's desperate to bite back, and the look of pain that flickers across her face, as well as — anger? the faintest glimmer of it, reaching down and constricting her heart. ]

Thank you, [ she says, words soft and raspy, ] for remembering me.

[ she looks down at their joined hands, watching idly as her magic mends the torn skin there, leaving behind the blood. someone else's blood. ]

...He will come for you again, you know.

[ Koltira catches that flash of anger, that grimace of pain. Is it for him? For Achilles? He does not know, and finds it hardly his place to ask.

Instead, he shuts his eyes as the magic does its work; it's painful, and he's trying not to flinch. He responds through gritted teeth. ]

I will never forget you. That I can say for certain.

[ He exhales slowly, a way of releasing pressure. ]

And I have little doubt that he will.

[ Though it'd be a foolish move, on his part. ]

I have... tried to dissuade him, [ she says now, her own tones measured, even. a clear conscious effort, but sadly there can be nothing done for her traitorous features, the way they flicker and flare in that anger again. ]

He won't listen to me.

[ does it sting? of course it does. more than that, really, if she allows herself the time to think on it.

so she tries not to. ]

...But he might listen to you.

[ Ah. He realizes it: there is strife between her and Achilles. And, furthermore, he's the cause.

He wilts on the rock, laughing weakly. Much as he despises Achilles, he has no wish to see Olivia sundered from the man she loves. Ostensibly, Achilles made her happy, and that mattered. So long as it was true, Koltira had no objections.

And as far as Achilles listening to him ... ]

I expect he will have even less interest in my opinion now than before. But I do not intend to engage him again.

[ Intend being the key word, of course. ]

[ had she known where his guilt had come to rest, she would have been quick to dissuade such thoughts. koltira may have the subject of contention, but there is now time enough away from the situation for olivia to realize the true reason lies far deeper, something inherent in the two of them causing this friction. that in itself is a harrowing thought, but these days all olivia can feel is exhaustion.

she sighs. ]

You are a man, though, and apparently it is only a man's place in battle.

[ He's incredulous, enough so that he sits up straight, though he winces while doing so. ]

Glory is open to all with the strength to take it.

[ He thinks of Sylvanas, best of the Farstriders, and his keeper for the past long, torturous years. She is terrible, yes, and he would avenge himself on her if he could--but terrible often goes hand in hand with great, and he's not foolish enough to deny that. ]

Only temperament and ability determine your place on the battlefield. Nothing else.

[ she makes a brief, stern noise when he sits up so suddenly, the quiet reprimand punctuated by a look that she sends him under her fringe.

her hands press delicately against his shoulders, coaxing him to ease back down again so that she may continue healing him and not have him reopen anything she is still working on in his passion. ]

I have no desire to be on the battlefield, [ she tells him quite plainly, in much the same way she would tell achilles too, though now her desire to do so is far less than normal. ]

But that doesn't mean I don't find myself dragged there every now and then. And I won't hesitate to do what I have to, when I have to. Now lie back—

[ Damn, he just got told. But, point proven--and taken.

He does as he's told with a pained groan; as effective as Olivia's healing is, it still hurts like hell. But it's a productive pain, so he bears it without struggle or complaint. He lies there, exhaling frost, feeling his ungrateful body slowly, agonizingly mend itself. ]

I know, I know--

[ Hnngh. He needs a distraction. ]

--tell me what I have missed, Olivia. In the past week.

[ if it helps any, she does not hold any of her part in this against koltira. he, at the very least, tries not to make trouble.

she tries to be careful with her magic, knowing how much it hurts him, but there are admittedly a number of injuries on him that cause her to be too worried to be careful. that if she doesn't treat them soon, and extensively, then things may not end up well for the elf.

but she is very pointedly keeping such thoughts to herself. ]

I'll tell you, but only if you promise to tell me where you'd gone off to, too. [ she noticed your absence even before the frenzy began, koltira... don't think she didn't. she noticed it as much as she is noticing those chains right now.

she holds out a pinkie towards him. ]

Deal?

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