( closed ) i'm still breathing

[winces]

CHARACTERS: olivia and fiona
DATE: jan. 7, during the fireworks display
WARNINGS: perhaps a potty mouth here and there
SUMMARY: two ladies let out some steam

[ they cross paths somewhere along the edge of the forest, right where it begins to taper off into the clearing that leads right into the lake. olivia had still been awake when the fireworks began, and having never witnessed anything quite like it before in her life, she had naturally assumed it to be some sort of attack. after realizing it's quite the opposite, her curiosity only grew, and soon enough she'd been compelled by the urge to see and hear more, sleep be damned.

saffron had been a little less eager to get out of the safety of the castle, but always dutiful he follows her along anyway. he keeps close to her feet as she draws the blanket she'd brought along closer around her shoulders, carrying an oil lamp along with her to try and guide her way... very nearly dropping it when she realizes she isn't alone. ]

Oh — Fiona...!

[ she puts a hand to her chest, feeling her heart beat wildly from the rush of adrenaline and shock. at least this time, she isn't in some mindless daze. ]

You scared me...

Comments

[cachemoney]

[Fiona, on the other hand, knows what fireworks are -- but that still didn't stop her from thinking they were some kind of Torgue grenade at first, explosions upon explosions. When she realizes what it truly is, she's pleased, and she heads out to the lake to watch. Apparently she's not the only one with the same idea.]

Wow, and I wasn't even trying. [She's also not carrying any light source of her own, so that probably also... didn't help.

She reaches out to pat Olivia reassuringly on the shoulder, but she's also using the closeness as an opportunity to get a closer look at her face in the lamplight. She looks a lot better than the last time they spoke.]

Doing alright?

[winces]

[ smile meek, olivia instinctively shies a little away from the lamplight. though her eyes are considerably brighter, her smile that much more genuine, the reminder of their last meeting brings a veil of shame to her that makes the urge to hide quite strong. ]

Better, [ she admits quietly. not quite fine, not quite okay, not quite great. but better. and considering how she felt a couple of weeks ago, any sort of progress is pretty paramount in her books.

she moves to take a seat beside where fiona had been nestled, saffron quick to take root at her side. ]

Are you here for the exploding stars too?

[cachemoney]

[Exploding stars, how cute. She thinks about correcting her, but decides to let it go instead, smiling fondly. It's a romantic way of thinking about gunpowder and magnesium, and she quietly prefers it.]

Yeah. They're kinda hard to ignore. [She glances up at the show for a moment, watching an explosion of gold and red rivulet down through the darkened sky, then invites herself to sit down next to Olivia.]

It's cool, though, right? How something so loud and explosive can be that pretty. [Stretching her legs out in front of her, she leans back on her hands.] Usually I try to stay away from things that explode.

[winces]

[ olivia, in contrast, has drawn her knees up to her chest, leaning forward to curl around it. at their feet she has placed the lamp, casting an easy golden light over them, only to be outmatched by even explosion that flares overhead. it must be over ten minutes now. olivia has to wonder just how long it can last. ]

I was worried at first, [ she admits, quietly confessing to her own limited experience with such things. the closet thing she can think of are the powerful spells cast between mages back home. most times, they never mean anything good. ]

But now I can't really stop staring at it.

[ each burst is bright, but not so much so that she is forced to look away. ]

I wonder what it's for...

[cachemoney]

Hm? [What it's for -- Fiona really hadn't thought about it. The Mercenary Day (or whatever intergalactic equivalent it was) celebrations seem to have wound down already, so she doubts it's due to that, even if that's how she initially wrote it off.

She glances from the sky over to Olivia, watching how she's curled up in herself. She's struck her as a shy person, if not someone who's habitaully insecure, which is strange to her, judging by their first meeting. Olivia saved her life on the battlefield and seemed different then, confident and quick.]

Usually they're for some kind of celebration. Hell if I know what it's for this time, though. [She pauses, then turns to face Olivia a little more.] We couuuld make it our own celebration. Anything you want to celebrate.

[winces]

Anything...?

[ she feels suddenly struck by the power that kind of decision grants her. she has to pause and wonder if there actually is anything she feels worth celebrating... of course there is always the continued good health and safety of her loved ones, her friends and her family... the comfort in the fact that her home, wherever it is in this hodgepodge cosmos, is still going to be there, waiting for her, ready for the moment she can finally return... the chance to meet her future daughter, when the future itself is too bleak for such a meeting to occur...

but beyond that...? ]

I — I suppose it's nice to find reasons to smile again.

[ does that count... ]

[cachemoney]

[She'll........ allow it. It's not exactly the juicy kind of celebratory thing Fiona had been hoping for, but it's better than nothing. Olivia seems a little too modest to celebrate the sort of things Fiona would, anyway ('I'm celebrating how good my hair is today' or 'I'm thankful for this hundo dollar bill I found'), so she'll take what she can get.

Laughing a little, gently -- it's amusement, not mockery -- Fiona gestures vaguely up at the sky.] Sure, whatever works for you. Tell me your reasons, though! [She looks back at Olivia, smiling in the lamplight.] Misery loves company, so happiness probably does, too.

[winces]

[ she bites down on her lip, looking torn... but torn in the way that a person would from heavily holding something back, like they might burst at any moment kind of torn. ]

Is it really okay...?

[ look she just. doesn't want to brag...! ]

It's just... It's just nice. Remembering how to be happy again. For a while there it felt like I'd never be...

[ oh god, olivia, can you be any more of a downer rn. ]

I-I mean apart from this... one thing that happened... I actually had fun at that party. Even when I wasn't drunk!

[cachemoney]

[BRAG AWAY, OLIVIA. Fiona is the bragging sort, she expects everyone else to brag, too. In fact, it's weird to her that Olivia isn't already bragging, what is her hang-up!

But this is... something. Kind of the opposite of bragging, it's like sad-gloating, but she'll take it. At least she's talking.]

Weeeell. Break-ups can be tough. So that's a start! [She gives her a friendly little punch on the shoulder here, trying to be encouraging. It's a little awkward; Fiona is not as gentle as Olivia. They make sort of an odd pair.] What thing do you mean, though...?

[winces]

[ she flinches, glancing away as if in guilt. ]

N-Nothing important, [ she says, in a way that makes it clear it is important, but the kind of important that she'd really rather have not be. ] I just... saw him again. Talked. [ it was a terrible experience, if her low tone is of any indication. ]

I suppose on the other hand it's... good. Good to know it's really over.

[cachemoney]

Oh. [Oh. Well... it was bound to happen sooner or later. Kind of difficult to avoid each other forever, considering their team is less than a hundred people.

Fiona frowns a little, then shifts her positioning so she's resting on her hip, her legs bent next to her, so she can peer more intently at Olivia in the light from the fireworks.]

That sounds important. You know? Don't let yourself downplay it. [She pauses again, still frowning, before continuing.] So you feel... largely good about what happened?

[winces]

[ olivia opens her hands out over her knees, palms up. empty. ]

I'm.. not sure. [ her voice is very tiny, easily lost in the cacophony of celebration overhead, but they are leaning close enough to each other that fiona should still be able to hear. ] I think... I think it's more that I'm coming to accept it. [ she doesn't feel very good about it, as the love remains, and with that the pain festers. but. but. ]

...It felt good when I broke things though. [ she admits this part rather guiltily. though her smile is sheepish. ] Afterwards.

[cachemoney]

[It's a serious conversation, to be sure -- just from the small amount of time Fiona's spent with her, she can tell that Olivia is timid about a great many things, perhaps most of all her emotions. And this is an emotional situation that she's living through right now.

But despite herself, Fiona can't help but grin.]

I bet. I'd pay to see that, actually, damn. [She's seen Olivia on the battlefield, so she knows she has that kind of decisiveness in her, but still. She's usually all soft like cotton candy.]

I do the same thing. Though usually I'm breaking things on people, you know. [She mimes hitting an invisible person over the head with something.] Or yelling, yelling helps.

[winces]

Yelling?

[ there is a hitch in olivia's voice that fiona might be able to identify. something bordering between excitement and unease, like that quick breath you take right before you take a jump off a cliff into the crystal-blue waters — you know you probably shouldn't, but you also know you'll regret it if you don't. ]

Yelling what? At who...?

[cachemoney]

[She hears that tone in Olivia's voice, and smiles in a sort of incredulous way.] Let me guess. You don't get mad a lot. [Or, if Fiona is guessing right, she doesn't let herself get mad.]

Okay. Here. [She shifts around so she can push herself up to her feet, holding her hand out to help Olivia up, too.]

You just kind of... yell. Just to get it out.

[winces]

[ when koltira had urged her to break things, he had spoken about the catharsis in anger. how utterly freeing and beautiful it can be in that, and after several broken ceramics later, she could not help but agree.

it is true, as fiona says, that she does not get angry very often. anger had never come very easily to her, when instead she would find reasons to turn things on herself, and in doing so would only grow sad for it.

tentatively, she takes fiona's hand, rising up to her feet. beside them, saffron stirs, but only to glance up at the two curiously. ]

What are we getting out, though?

[ perhaps she is being too literal in this, but she has never quite considered this before. ]

[cachemoney]

[Briefly, Fiona thinks that maybe screaming at the sky while a freakin' lion takes a nap nearby is a bad idea. But Saffron doesn't seem to be bothered by the fireworks, sooo...]

You know -- your frustrations. Pent-up energy. That kind of shit. Like... okay, you know what pisses me off? Being lied to. [She gestures vaguely as she speaks, fingers curling like she's trying to strangle an invisible person.] That someone would disrespect me like that, someone I considered family, oh my god. I could literally scream about it.

[Which she does, turning her face up toward the sky.] Goddammit! [She yells a little more, wordless sounds of frustration, before looking back at Olivia with a smile.]

See.

[winces]

[ olivia marvels at fiona's screams — if only because she hadn't realized what pipes the woman had had on her. but more than that, she admires her candor, and how easy she makes it all seem...

once fiona had finished, silence falls over them once more, only interrupted by the occasional firework that continues on overhead. ]

Disrespect... [ olivia doesn't know if she's ever felt disrespect before. mostly because she doesn't really think highly enough of herself to think she would warrant respect in the first place.

but she has felt hurt. even betrayal. gods, has she felt betrayal. ]

Being taken for granted, [ she says after a moment, fists clenching at her sides. ] Giving someone your all, only to realize they just expected that of you. Like it was their right!!!

[ she draws in a breath and shouts that last part like fiona had, letting the last syllable draw on till she'd run out of breath. ]

[cachemoney]

[Fiona, too, is surprised by just how loud Olivia can be -- in all the times she's spoken to her, she's usually seemed meek and unsure. But, like anyone, it seems like all she needs to do is give herself a chance to tap into that pool of frustration beneath the surface to Get Loud.

She throws her fists in the air in triumph, shouting up at the sky again.] Yeah! Fuck that, you're awesome!

[winces]

[ her shouts continue. she barely needs fiona's coaxing at this point, letting it all out in a few strings of strained, indecipherable shouting. she definitely has a set of lungs on her, despite her normally soft-spoken behavior, but her inexperience with such strain is made obvious when, at the very last of her shouts, she topples backwards onto the ground. she hasn't passed out, though she looks quite close to it, red and purple in the face as she is. the snow is cold against her back, a nice balm to how raw she suddenly feels. tears prickle the edges of her eyes, but there is a small smile on her lips, almost delirious. ]

...Thank you, Fiona. I didn't know that could feel so good.

[cachemoney]

[Olivia's yelling overtakes Fiona's own eventually, and she just stands back and lets her do her thing. Once she's done, Fiona crouches down next to her, beaming and thankful that the lion cub didn't take all the shouting as a cue to start eating their faces off.]

See. I told you. Sometimes you just have to get all the frustrations out in one way or another.

[winces]

[ fortunately for them both, saffron is more than used to olivia's... emotional outbursts. to put it lightly. ]

I will definitely keep that in mind next time, [ she says around a laugh, feeling lighter than she's felt in a good while. she has nothing to offer up in toast, but she says it anyway: ]

Here's to a good year for us, Fiona. May they be filled with good things.