[Closed] It's DAN!! DAN, MY MAN!!!!

[ex_mettacrusher33]

CHARACTERS: Mettaton, Peridot, Keats, Vaughn, Papyrus, and possibly Undyne
DATE: Week 2.
WARNINGS: Intense discussion about viruses and who can solve the mystery of the hunky guys fastest.
SUMMARY: It's a meeting of the minds. Mettaton has brought together all the intellectual types he knows for any and all theories on the mission and what plans they should make to gather more information.

Also, to make up for his mistreatment of Papyrus, they're going to have to play a fun little board game. Mettaton made the party, so he makes the rules. He's not sorry.



[As befitting a serious meeting in the middle of a quarantine, the living room to the apartment is sparsely lit. There are candles burning on the windowsills and tables, with one lamp in the corner dimmed with a pink towel hanging over-top it. There are rose-petals hot-glued to the wall and pockets of glitter stuck into the hardwood floors.

Honestly, it'd look fairly romantic if it weren't for the circumstance. At least, in Mettaton's opinion.

Speaking of him, he's taken for waiting for his guests by perching atop a large, round, wooden coffee table. One leg is crossed over the other. There are bottles of wine and Sunshine C to his side. There are various, comfy looking pillows on the floor surrounding the table.

He waits until everyone has arrived before getting into more than just basic greetings. And when they're all here...]

Beauties and gentlebeauties... I've gathered you all here today because we have a serious dilemma on our hands. We've been tasked with investigating, containing, and possibly curing a virus that we have limited information on. We know the basics on how it works and what can help relieve some of the symptoms, but that isn't going to be enough. I do, however, know enough about you all to know you're a bunch of smart cookies. Who better to bounce ideas off of?

Also...

[He slides a colorful cardboard box out from behind his back. It features smiling teenage girls with a bright pink phone.

It's a board game. Called Dream Phone.] While I have you all here... how many of you would like to play a game?

[A yes or no prompt was not provided.]

Wonderful!! Papyrus will be SO happy. Take a seat and let's all get started.

[At least there's drinks.]

Comments

[headlining]

[Keats has never regretted something so quickly in his entire life.]

[He stares down at the board game, then up at Mettaton. Then back at the board game. No, he's serious. He can't believe it, but he's serious.]

You have to be kidding me. [He says, frowning.] I'm not playing this nonsense.

[slapfight]

[um... that is a very pink game.

Peridot frowns at it as she takes advantage of the relative privacy to turn her cloaking device off. ahhh not having to look at human "skin."

ignoring the "game" aspect, she finds a pillow to sit on and flops down, ignoring Keats and his protestations.] It's clearly a response to overpopulation. Humans are packed too densely on this planet. Eventually, the earth was going to find some way to start thinning them out.

[ex_mettacrusher33]

Oh...

Oh, Keats-darling. [He puts a hand to his chest and closes his eyes, letting out the most heartfelt of sighs...] This must be so out of your comfort zone! If you don't want to play, I'd completely understand!! But...

[He opens his eyes. Smiling.]

You'll need to tell Papyrus that. This was a present for him, after all!!

[Guilt planted, he turns to Peridot as he starts unboxing the game. Look at this cute little phone!! Well, little for HIM. He's a very big man.] Mmm, I'm not so sure about that one, sweetheart. Monsters have spent centuries locked under a mountain until we were packed to the gills; I still haven't seen anything like this.

[Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeats. He's passing out the caaaaaaaaaards.]

[headlining]

[Oh, no. Papyrus is definitely a bit of a soft spot for him - Keats' frown deepens, even more grumpy that he's actually considering joining the darn thing. What is he, 8? He's a grown man, not a child, he doesn't play board games.]

That's a morbid thought. I don't think it's something meant to dwindle the human population size, Peridot, good lord. [He folds his arms, glowering over at the pink phone.] Why does Papyrus want to play this dumb excuse for a game? It looks stupid.

[moneyman]

[ ...he's really not sure what he was expecting. being invited to Mettaton's apartment in the first place should have been a massive red flag, but it was for the mission. there wasn't much elaboration beyond that.

at least it was only partially a trap, it seems. ]

Uh... [ well, he can't leave on good conscience if they really are going to talk virus stuff. still, he's a little hesitant as he settles down onto one of the pillows. is that glitter on the floor? holy shit. ] Okay, first of all, I'm not sure where you got the idea I was a "smart cookie," because this stuff really is not my specialty. I mean, I'll do my best, but...

[ but there's a board game involved. which would be fine, except it's clearly aimed at preteen girls. he eyes the phone, and there's a distinct lack of excitement on his face. ] —Second, what the hell is that?

[slapfight]

I don't see you coming up with any theories.

[she hugs her pillow and finally puts her attention on the game, itself, coming no closer to unraveling the meaning of IT, than the meaning of the virus.] Are we going to be using that primitive communicator to contact someone in authority?

[wait. that's not a "game." she frowns, racking her brain to figure out something that combines their objective here with this bright pink communicator.

...and these cards.] ...what are these for?

[ex_mettacrusher33]

Thiiiiiiiiiiis, [he drawls while setting up the board. There's an assortment of hunky shadows on a hexagonal sheet of cardboard and a pink space in the middle for the phone.] is the game, my darlings. It's like that delightful little murder mystery one. Gathering clues!! Keeping secrets! Extorting those secrets from your colleagues!

Except. [There. All the cards are set up.] Instead of Mrs. White in the study with a knife, it's Mike on the beach with a crush on you. [...he flips up one of the cards, showing it to Vaughn with a smirk.] Although, looking at Mike, he may have a knife too. Let's hope it's not him.

[Hee.

Mettaton takes a seat and pours himself a glass of wine. How wonderful this all is.]

Honestly, every film where it was nature striking back against humans was a box-office bomb. The flicks that make money are always the ones that involve conspiracies with the very government humans sought to protect them.

[headlining]

All of these people look like murderers. Goodness, and girls want to date them?

[Why. Why this. Keats makes a face, still trying to be too cool for school over here. They're here for serious talks, not a stupid telephone game!]

This isn't a movie. [He says, shooting a glare at Mettaton.] For all we know, it might just be a terribly unfortunate accident. That's how plagues and such happen. It's never an intentional thing.

[moneyman]

[ he nods toward Keats in agreement. ] Yeah, I think that's probably what we're dealing with. I mean, biological warfare is a thing, sure, but the chances of that seem pretty low in comparison to... you know. Nature just being an asshole.

[ and then there are the cards. he picks one up and grimaces at it. ] Okay, here's another question: what if I don't want to date any of these dudes?

[slapfight]

I don't think any of them are my type...

[she has only heard that phrase in teen dramas, but she can definitely say without a trace of irony that this is probably an accurate statement.] This is probably going to end in heartbreak.

[grumbled] Much like this mission if we don't come up with an easier to confirm theory. Who's the leader of this community? Maybe they know something and they're keeping it from us, because that's what leaders do.

[ex_mettacrusher33]

Precisely!! [YES, Peridot! You get it!! Have a glass of orange-flavored drink.] Yes, we know what this virus is capable of, because we were sent here to handle it, but why would the government have such a visceral response to what could be easily written off as a silly flu and a few drug-induced murders? You don't set up quarantines like this, with armed military personnel, without knowing something more sinister is happening! Yes, it could be a [he mimics Keats' accent surprisingly well] terribly unfortunate accident, but that doesn't discount the fact that they know more than they want the rest of Woodhurst to think.

[Huff.] Honestly, you two. Watch a movie.

Anyway!! [Mettaton claps his hands together before gesturing toward the smorgasbord of hunky dudes and colorful cards before them. Any dwelling on the fact that no one here is interested goes unnoticed and unremarked upon.] The rules of this game are simple! One of these mysterious boys has a crush on... all of us, I suppose. In your hands are cards with the phone numbers of these various strangers, who you will call on the phone for clues. You can ALSO use these cards to either sabotage another person attempting to make a call, force them to share their clues with you, or force them to share with the entire group by putting the phone on speaker. The phone will also occasionally ring with a message for the entire group. Whoever can narrow down the selection and call the correct person using the clues wins!!

[How fun. He reaches over and flips the switch on the plastic phone.] Since you were the first to arrive, Keats-darling, you can go first. Let's see how good of a detective you really are.

[boneafide]

[ And Papyrus finally arrives, kicking open the door (it's okay, it's his door for now), with arms full of bags of doritos and chips (sans would be proud) and he promptly throws open his arms at whomever is closest so that they are pelted lightly with aired up bags of snackfoods. ]

HELLO EVERYONE, I HAVE OBTAINED THE SNACKS!! WHAT DID I MISS SO FAR? WHO'S GOT A DATE??

[headlining]

Will you STOP putting down that damn Mom Says Hang Up card? You're doing it just to spite me, aren't you?!

[Hi, Papyrus. Here's Keats, looking like he's about to blow several veins in his forehead - he's shooting ten million metaphorical knives in his glare over at Mettaton, two seconds from trying to strangle the robot.]

And like I said, you can't have my glasses!! THEY'RE NOT THE PRIZE HERE, METTATON!

[ex_mettacrusher33]

Russ!! Darling!!!

[Mettaton has, by now, sprawled his legs onto his corner of the table while swirling his glass of wine in one hand.

Keats' anger only fuels his laughter.]

Keats is being a sore loser, as you can see. But I'm so glad you're finally here to join us! [He tosses an extra scorecard toward the skeleton. Names have already been crossed off of it, because Mettaton is a man of his honor and has thanklessly been putting down all of his sacred boy knowledge for Papyrus to use.] Good news: it's not Dale.

[...quietly, he looks to Vaughn and throws down a card: Share a Secret.]

[boneafide]

Wow, Keats, you look pretty mad! Have you tried not doing that?

[ Papyrus says unhelpfully, and takes a seat at the table. ]

Thanks for keeping track for me, Mettaton! But what about Dan??

[ex_mettacrusher33]

Shh. That one's a secret.

[It's not Dan. Their fates are drawing closer and closer to Mike and Mettaton has never been more on the edge of his seat.]

[moneyman]

[ he leans away a little from Keats' rage, but hey, it's Papyrus! the cool skeleton he talked to on the network once like a million years ago. he gives a cheerful little wave despite both this unfortunate situation and the fact that he's probably unrecognizable now. ]

Hey, Papyrus! Good to see you.

[ ...aaand then he sees the card Mettaton has placed in front of him. god damn it. reluctantly, he picks up the stupid pink phone and dials a number—such primitive technology, eugh—and scoots over so Mettaton can also hear the clue.

turns out the mystery man is not at the snack shop. how illuminating. he sets the phone back down and blows out an exaggerated sigh, crossing a few names off the list. ]

Is anyone else a little weirded out by the fact that this dude allegedly has a crush on all of us?

[ex_mettacrusher33]

[Yeaaaaaaaaah, that's right. Mettaton joyfully scratches another name from his list.

God, we are getting closer and closer to peak Mike. Mike is eminent and Mettaton doesn't know whether he has the strength to call it and be subjected to winning a date with Mike.]

...no?

Vaughn. Darling.

Look at us. [Who wouldn't be charmed by two nerdy, yet strangely buff human males, a sentient rock, a long-legged celebrity robot, and a skeleton?]

[boneafide]

Hello, human I've never met before!

[ Yeah, he's not even going to be subtle about how much he doesn't know Vaughn, sorry. Still, he gives a friendly wave, and gestures to the chips. ]

You can still have some chips though! I'm just glad everyone's having a good time. When I wanted to play this, I didn't think anyone but Mettaton would be interested!

[headlining]

Papyrus, I'll stop being mad when Mettaton stops being an idiot.

[Huffs! Puffs! Folds arms and frowns! The typical Grumpy Keats presentation can be seen in all it's glory.]

This game is weird. It is weird that the man has a crush on all of us, what is he, some kind of stalker? Ugh. [He looks down at his own notes.] We're mostly here to discuss what we've found. In terms of zombie things, not boys.

[ex_mettacrusher33]

[Hey, hey. Keats. Hey.

Guess what?

"Mom Says Hang Up." Mettaton slides the card over to him, biting his lip with a horrible grin.]

[headlining]

[Papyrus, please excuse Keats as he throws his cards down and tries his best to throttle Mettaton by the throat.]

[DREAM PHONE IS SERIOUS BUSINESS]

[ex_mettacrusher33]

[He allows this because he's LAUGHING SO HARD HIS VOICE IS GLITCHING.

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING HE'S CAUSED IN MONTHS.]

[boneafide]

[ Meanwhile, as Keats affectionately strangles Mettaton- ]

Is this what a third-wheel feels like...?

[moneyman]

Yyyyep.

[ he's lying on the floor with the dog, not terribly concerned with the game or the strangling. why would he be? there's a dog. plus, it's just some friendly choking between friends. big deal. ]

Dogberry

[aspearation]

[ aware of dog

pleas pet dog ]

[ex_mettacrusher33]

[YOU'RE GOING TO GET FUR IN HIS JOINTS, SNOWFLAKE. GET OUT OF HERE.]

[aspearation]

[ Dogberry is seeking affection. ]

[moneyman]

[ nothing could possibly make this travesty better.

...except a dog. ]

—Oh, my god, you guys have a dog! [ he immediately crawls over to the dog. hello, dog. he tentatively holds out a hand for him to sniff. love him, dog. (please.) ]

[aspearation]

[ Dogberry is offended that the hand is not petting him yet?? But enthusiastically sniffs it anyway, then licks it tentatively. When will it start petting him...? ]

[moneyman]

[ sorry, man, he lives with a dog who is actually a cloaked lion so you never know. buuut since this dog is licking him, it is now time for pets. many enthusiastic pets.

what board game?? ]

[aspearation]

[ This petting is acceptable.

Dogberry rolls over onto his back.

You may now rub the belly. ]

[moneyman]

[ oh my god, what a good dog. can he steal him? Saffron might not be pleased, but... dog...

now commencing bellyrubs. he's totally ignoring the game at this point. whoops. ]

[aspearation]

[ It probably does help that this human smells like his old buddy the lion...

Except that probably doesn't matter. Dogberry will stay and get attention as long as he can, or until Mettaton shoos him away... ]

[boneafide]

[ PAT PAT PAT

DOG TREATS FOR DOGBERRY!!! ]

[aspearation]

[ Papyrus IS the treat.

Literally and metaphorically.

But he will take the actual dog treats and not try to steal a femur... this time. ]