epidemiology | [closed] vault hunters work best in teams of four ; zombones

[ Somehow Vaughn got even more awkward, if that's possible. (Also, what is wrong with eccentric billionaire who has a parrot and a widow with a dark secret, god, who wouldn't want to be friends with them!!) He covers his face with his hands for a second, then drags them down his face. ]

Okay, you can talk about it, I'm already praying for the sweet release of zombiehood because of this awkward small talk.

[Oh, my god. What if she just got up and moonwalked out of here, she needs to leave. She doesn't, though; instead, she lets her derringer fold back inside her sleeve and straightens up so she can look at them both better.]

Okay. You're still in the early stages. [By which she means he hasn't tried to eat anyone yet??] So we have a few weeks-- [She doesn't want to say until it gets bad, she doesn't want to think about that, so she just stops and starts over, plowing through like she always does.] We have a few weeks to find a cure. In the meantime, there are things we can do. Sedatives...

[ god, he just wants to bury his face somewhere and spare them from his big mouth. his nerves are frayed, to say the least, which just exacerbates his tendency to speak before thinking, and it's not helping at all. but since they're back to being serious about this, maybe he can actually contribute something useful. ]

Olivia has empathy powers. She can basically tranq people. I'll ask if she can help.

Oh, my god.

[ He rubs his temples, scoffing incredulously. This cannot be happening, they cannot be talking about sedating him like he's a rabid dog. ]

You guys want to tranq me?

No-- no. [She's a little too quick to deny it, mostly because she know it sounds bad. That is kind of what they're suggesting, though, so she tries to phrase it more gently.]

It's... you'd have the sedatives. So you can calm down without us. I don't want you to get hurt.

Exactly. What she said. We don't want to do anything to you. [ except hug you, of course, but that goes without saying. ] It's just... yeah, I don't know, "tranq" probably wasn't a good word, sorry. It's just like a sedative, but... magic, or whatever.

[ he just found out about it, it's still kind of a mystery. ]

[ He frowns, brow furrowed. ]

Oh, okay, you guys just want to sedate me, because that's sooo much better.

[Ugh, he's being such a baby about this. She is... trying... not to get pissed; this is scary for all of them, but Rhys has got the worst of it. Obviously. So she's trying to give him a pass.

Still, she doesn't have the greatest patience on her best days, and this is definitely not one of them. She scrubs at her face and says,] Okay. Do you have a better idea?

[ oookay, let's just get back to the hugging, shall we? Rhys is clearly suffering from acute-onset pissiness disorder, which is troubling to hear, but this is pretty much all he can do. ]

We just don't want you to get hurt, dude. That's all it is.

[ or to hurt anyone else, but he's... just gonna leave that part out. ]

[ he'S NOT PISSY HE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO GET TRANQ'ED, GOD!!! No, he is pissy. But also, he doesn't want to get tranq'ed. ]

Okay, but. Can't you just— ...I don't know. What is the current plan here, am I supposed to jab myself in the neck with horse tranquilizer or something?

[Good, Vaughn can be on hugging duty; Fiona needs to take a second to calm down before she can get cuddly again. She rolls her eyes a little, folding her arms across her chest and slouching into the couch.] Yes, exactly. Just jam it in there.

No, it's like a hypo. I can get more for you, easy. [Although. She frowns.] Do you need someone to show you... [Has he never jabbed himself with a random hypodermic??? This silver spoon baby.]

[ "just jam it in there," she says, and he winces a little. anyway. ]

Yeah, I mean, pills would be easier, but I think they probably work too slow. Plus, if someone else has to do it, it's... easier to inject it. Not—uh, not that that's necessarily gonna happen. You know, just... as a worst case scenario.

[ he almost winces again, just in anticipation of what Rhys is gonna say. this is the most uncomfortable hug ever. it's really bumming him out. ]

[ The hug is kind of bumming him out, too, but technically, that means it's working! He's getting bummed out instead of pissy, that's a good thing, sort of. He hates everything about this entire concept, but being stabbed by strangers is definitely one of the worst parts.

To Vaughn: ] Yyyyeah, sure, that sounds great, [ he says flatly; he's still sarcastic, he's just switching from 30-70 passive-aggression to 70-30 passive-aggression. So that's an improvement. To Fiona: ] I don't know how to stab myself with needles, if that's what you're asking? But I mean, it sounds pretty self-explanatory. And awful.

[Isn't he normally 70-30 passive-aggressive? Keeping hugigng him into the normal range, Vaughn.

Fiona frowns at Rhys for a second, then sighs and gets up off the couch to go into the kitchen. Over her shoulder, she says,] I'll be right back. I still have the tranquilizer we all got.

[ roger that. now recalibrating hug parameters... ]

It'll be okay. I'd offer to have her demonstrate on me instead, but I don't think that would be as helpful.

[ god knows he needs to calm the hell down, though. it wouldn't be so bad. ]

...Wait, are you— you're not planning on using that on me right now. Just clarifying that this is purely a visual aid.

[ He clutches Vaughn, ready to use him as a human shield if necessary, as one does. ]

[Isn't the more important question "why is she keeping a syringe in the kitchen"?? (The answer is #pandoran, that's where things like this go. It's in the fridge.)

When she comes back out, her stride falters for a second, because... yeah, she was totally gonna use it on him.] Uh, duh, of course. [Don't be stupid, she wasn't gonna inject you just for funsies???

She flops back down on the couch next to Rhys and hands the syringe over.] There's a cap, so you won't stab yourself by accident.

[ well, that's good, considering he's just been offered up as a sacrifice. and as much as he'd like to take advantage of a faster-acting chill pill right now, he doesn't really want someone to have to carry him home. ]

There, see? No big deal. It'll probably just be a tiny little poke if you do it right, and then you'll feel better. And that's only if the hugging isn't doing the trick. You'll be fine.

[ maybe he should have been a nurse. ]

[ He releases his grip on Vaughn now that his meatshield services are no longer needed (for now), glancing over at the syringe that Fiona just randomly has. Why do you have hypos lying around, you fucking weirdo. After a moment, he drops his head into his hands, more long-suffering than despondent. ]

I'm not five, you guys. [ It's like they're trying to hype him up for babby's first flu shot. ] I'm not scared of just... you know, blindly jabbing a needle straight into my flesh. What part of that doesn't sound like a non-stop rollercoaster of fun? Haha. [ Laughter!!! He's fine!!! So maybe he's a little uneasy about it, but that's unimportant. ]

Anyway. How, um— how tranquilized are we talking here. I haven't actually used one, most of my encounters have been of the... screaming and running variety.

[Poor Rhys. She rubs gently at his back, looking across at Vaughn and frowning as she answers.]

I don't know. Which is... super encouraging, I'm sure. [Ha ha?? Jokes are fine, jokes mean that everything is fine.] But, um. I haven't used one on an infected person yet. Vaughn?

[ he shakes his head. he's kinda glad he hasn't had to use it yet, but it would be nice to know the answer to Rhys's question. ]

I haven't, either. I've been lucky enough not to be in a situation where I had to. But, uh, I can... let you know what happens if I do? [ he sighs and slumps back against Rhys. ] I'm sorry. I don't know how I'm supposed to help with this.

[ other than dispensing affection, which only goes so far. ]

Oh, my god, so you're trying to tell me to use one and you don't even know what's going to happen to me when I do???

[ HE'S NOT FREAKING OUT!!1!!11! Except he is, this is horrible. ]

Haha, okay, so, not to tell you guys this is a terrible idea or anything, but this is a terrible idea. [ Rationally, he can say that it's not that terrible of an idea, but he's nervous and their complete lack of knowledge isN'T HELPING. ]

[She is gonna get him a bag to hyperventilate into in a minute, god. Suppressing a mega super eyeroll, she sighs instead and sits up, motioning for Rhys to give her his arm. Obviously the flesh one. Because she can't inject metal.]

Do you want me to do it for you? [she says gently, subtly glancing up at Vaughn to see if he'll be her backup if Rhys freaks out and start swinging his gangly limbs everywhere. Which he might, he is kinda on edge right now.] It's just a sedative, it won't hurt you or anything. I just don't know if it'll make you sleepy or whatever.

[ he catches her glance and nods once to confirm. yes, he'll be the backup muscle. just what he always wanted. ]

Yeah, I think the worst that could happen is you fall asleep. And that's only if we use too much, right? [ he doesn't know. ] Seriously, it'll be fine. You'll probably just feel more relaxed.

[ and god knows Rhys needs to relax right now. even he thinks so, and he's Rhys's #1 whiteknight. jesus christ. ]

[closed] vault hunters work best in teams of four ; zombones

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