epidemiology | STRANGER IN THE DARK. CLOSED.

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STRANGER IN THE DARK. CLOSED.

CHARACTERS: Odinson & Loki
DATE: Before March 25th.
WARNINGS: Possibly violence; discussions of suicide. Tread lightly.
SUMMARY: Odinson shows up, Loki deals with it.

what's your sin on your brother?

[ when he had pictured this moment, it wasn't like this.

when Loki was exiled from Asgard, he too all of his hopes and expectations with him. part of him was left abandoned, just as he had felt he had been his entire life, wallowing in the ridicule of his peers, his family, and himself. those feelings were always mixed with a sense of entitlement to the affections of others, all while simultaneously expressing his power to ignore it. moments like that were always a game, and it had lead him to dark places.

it wasn't me that lead him here, Loki repeats viciously to himself. it wasn't, but he had been partially responsible. Thor and Loki were so intrinsically tied in a woven tapestry of fraternal affection and misbegotten circumstances. Thor had dragged him through the streets of Asgard, bloodied and broken from his beating with cries of child killer on his lips. there had been truth to it, and the hollow spot where Loki feels like he should hate him is just that: hollow. it wasn't there. he was still wounded, torn up with his insides left vulnerable, but he couldn't bring himself to hate him. ]

You fell. [ it's not an accusation, but his voice is flat and guarded. he looks far better from the last time that Thor had assed him along. he's no longer broken in places anyone can see. ] I suppose this is meant to be a proper greeting, brother.

[ they were in the realm of mortal territory, under cover to the few stranglers in the streets, it didn't make Loki feel comfort that Thor wouldn't lash out again, but it was assurance that there may be hesitation. he's in his green hoodie, the hood pulled up over his hair to keep it from the brush of snow falling.

they're outside the coffee shop Loki frequents, a sign saying closed hung from the door next to a boarded window. it's too bad, he could've really used that cup of coffee. ]

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[There's a dusting of snow across the thin t-shirt Odison grudgingly accepted to help him blend in. He's been walking the streets for hours, searching for liquor strong enough to be worth his while. (It's pathetic, he knows, but the habits of months are hard to shake.) Even more than alcohol- he needs to think.

There is another hammer, and he has now seen it with his own eyes. The implications are staggering: here is a chance for him to regain his worth, to prove his worth. To silence the whisper that has not left him since that day on the moon; the whisper that forbids him from forgetting the series of mistakes his life has been.

And here, before him, stands perhaps the greatest of his failures. At first Odinson doesn't recognise him. The child-killer is clothed and whole and doesn't seem at all out of place on this street. Even more surprisingly, the sight of the exile's face doesn't stir the white-hot rage that he's come to associate with it. There's still anger there, but it's a bone-deep, painful anger that drains rather than rouses.

In his mind's eye, he sees the child dressed in the same hoodie, the same green eyes darting down to the mobile device in his hands and then back up to his brother- an impudent smirk dancing about the corners of his mouth. Odinson aches.]

Do not ask me for the greeting I ought give you, exile. [He needs no hammer, no Jarnbjorn to make the murderer feel the pain he ought to.]

[ there's a breathless, humorless laugh. ]

Will you punish me again? [ his tone is casual, but it comes out easier than it feels. there's a tightness that locks in his chest as he takes guard. ] Far be it for me to stop you.

[ when Thor had taken his fists to him in the apartment, Verity screaming for him to stop, Loki hadn't fought back. he knew exactly what he deserved, and he had gotten it. there was something liberating about it. Loki had always chased his penance, wanting it and not wanting it.

he wanted to be forgiven; he wanted to be punished. forgiveness came from Daenerys, quiet understanding from Ahad, and punishment from Thor. ]

We're far away from Asgardia and her judgment. [ and he's quite happy about that. ] I won't be going back there anytime soon. Nor will you, from the circumstances.

[ it hurts. it brings up mixed feelings like Thor conjures a storm, bitterness and anger and love.

what happened to us, brother? ]

[There's a storm in the distance, the promise of snow and wind and cold. He considers calling to it, hastening its arrival and using its power to put his once brother in his place

but he does not.

Whether intentional or not the child-killer's words cut, deepening the wounds Odinson has already been carrying for months. It would be easy (and fitting, and right) to return the favour with his fists.

this, too, he does not do.]

If you can so easily shake off the rightful judgement of Asgard, then- [He breathes, steadying himself.] I am glad that you are far beyond her reach.

You will cause no pain to those who loved you here.

[ there's an anger that flares up in Loki, demanding an answer to the question do you think?

he'd rather not give off the impression that anything got to him, to curl inward and forget about the judgment of his mother and the words of solace offered by his father. Thor had known so little of what had happened at that time, between Freyja's insistent march to the future and King Loki's mission to make him something else. he wonders, here, now, if he'd even care. ]

Yet you're stuck with me, in a place where the timeline demands our hand in aid. [ there's a wistful bitterness to his words, as if there's satisfaction. ] Will you let this define your time here? Please, Thor. You know what you are, even without that hammer.

[at his side Odinson's hand opens slightly, reaching for something that's been out of his reach long before he arrived here (he doesn't need a weapon to put this monster in its place; he just misses the certainty he felt with the hammer in his grasp)

(always in the back of his mind, the whisper mocks him)

It's clear what is being asked and offered: for the two of them to set aside their differences and take up arms together against a common foe. Be family once more, in this realm that is out of reach of their shared history and fate. Be brothers.

He has stood in this moment before, he knows. A thousand times in a thousand places Loki has stood before Thor and asked for his trust. A thousand times Thor has weighed his judgement and his heart. The outcome has not always been the same - sometimes they are brothers, sometimes they are foes - yet more often than not Thor has ended up playing fool for Loki's tricks.

He weighs his heart against his judgement. His heart is as much a fool as ever. ]

Aye, I know what I am. I am the one who could not revenge his brother's death. [He gazes unflinchingly as he says this. It is intended to wound, to cover any hint of regret he might feel.]

I will lend my strength to this cause because I must. If our cause is the same, that is nothing to me.

[ even with the harsh words, he loves him still. he wonders if it's something that had come from that child, and settled over him in this new life. it's a blessing, or it's his child-self's curse, he can't tell which. in the days he's spent in Oska, he remembers himself as that child, a part of himself that he killed forever, that remains distant upon his own hand. all he had wanted that day was to save people, even if whatever he was (whoever that child was) had been expressed through the powers of the temporal insects.

it was him, but it wasn't him.

the weight from that day still sits heavy on him, churning in his stomach like snakes and making him sick. yet he's Odin's son, and he doesn't show that weakness. ]

What will you do? Avenge one brother to abandon the one in front of you, it seems that you'll leave yourself with nothing.

[ there's a hiss that comes through his teeth. ]

Don't kid yourself. You're here now. You can do something more than that.

[He feels himself wavering and he curses his weakness. This he cannot blame on the loss of Mjolnir. Loki has always been his downfall.]

I have no brother here. [The words are almost spat out with the force behind them. His knuckles are white with... restraint? determination? rage? Even Odinson does not know.

He steps towards the murderer-]

Do not take my coming here as a sign. Odinson and the exile are strangers to each other in this land, and your lying tongue has no hold on me.

[-and walks around him, past him. Let this be a sign of his resolve, he tells himself. He will not listen. Not to Loki. Not to his foolish heart. Even in his fallen state, Odinson will be a better god than before (he knows it is impossible even as he thinks it)]

[ there's a snort of assurance from Loki, as if it were some kind of test. ]

A sign? I'm a creature of chaos. There are no signs.

[ only opportunities.

Thor brings out the best in him as he brings out the worst in him. Loki stands his ground as he steps toward him, and then past him with a light brush. this also isn't something that's surprising. in Asgardia he had pleaded with Thor not to abandon him, but the wound had cut so deep that he hadn't listened. ]

This lying tongue has been here far longer than you. I'm not asking for forgiveness, Thor, I'm asking that you at least find it in you to work with me so everything doesn't fall apart. Do you think that our worlds are made of uru, that they're somehow out of reach of those that would destroy the timeline?

[ a pause. ]

I'm no hero, I never wars. You are.

[The question of threat to their own world is brushed off. Odinson is here and he will help however he can with whomever he must, including his once-brother. Loki is a formidable wielder of magic; all skills are needed to win a war.

But he stops, hearing the echoes of the child's admiration for his older brother in that last statement. Hero. How often had the child come to him for aid, assured that together they would make things right? The trust and love the child had for him had surprised him, overwhelmed him, renewed his own love and hope for his brother.

He does not want to believe that there is any of the child in this Loki. He wants to believe that Loki is again the villain, driven by simple evil or madness so that Odinson may simply and justly fight and overcome him.

(But no, he does not want that at all. They are neither of them so simple as they were. Without Ragnarok to draw them towards a definite end, they are changing.)]

The child was the hero, not I. [His voice is flat. That touches something wholly unrelated to the complicated relationship he and Loki have. It is just as convoluted a problem, questions just as much the core of who he is.

-was right.]

[ it's at times like this that he hates him fiercely.

Ahad had said that hate and love were close. you couldn't hated something that you didn't love.

it's not the burning anger and rejection that he had felt when Thor dragged him through the streets of Asgard, but a more dangerous, smothering bitterness that writhes in his belly like twisting serpents. the child that he had stolen this body from (that he had been, briefly) was a hero. it was the first time he had liked who he had been, someone who saved people. Loki wasn't sure what he was anymore, except someone who was tying hard not to mess everything up. ]

He's dead, and I'm what's left. I'm working with what I have. You may give up, but I won't.

[ he turns partially, cocking his head over his shoulder. he turns briskly on his heels and heads off in the opposite direction at slow strides.

brood all you want. idiot. ]

[Odinson heads in the other direction, knuckles white.

(Once, the storm would have answered his anger with a timely roll of distant thunder, but the sky is still and lifeless, promising nothing more than snow.)

His thoughts are white hot and angry- crackling under his skin. Is it giving up to mourn the death of a brother? Is there anything of the child in him, or is it all a facade? How dare that monster accuse him of not working with what he has- he has lost his name, his weapon, his confidence in what either of those can accomplish! All Loki has lost is his brother's love.

(When the anger fades he finds himself standing in a deserted alley, his knuckles bloody and the wall defaced with crude phrases and lewd pictures is battered and cracked)

Not for the first time, he wishes that he could give up that love. He has killed monsters before, clinically and without remorse. Death is the only answer for some. He remembers killing Gorr; whether the monster was right or not it had been a just thing to do. He had revelled in that death, that revenge taken on behalf of all who had suffered at Gorr's hands.

To think of Loki dead sickens him. It might have been a just death when Loki was a crazed madman, it might be just in retribution for the child's death- but Odinson would have to die himself before he allowed it. After all, to be Odinson- to be Thor was to protect those around him that he loved. His worthiness came from those around him, from the Asgardians and the humans he served and protected, his friends, his family.

And he had not protected his brother.

(He walks the streets, the night coming on. Snow begins to fall again. He runs into some infected, subdues them. They are stronger than he expects. He bleeds.)

The anger smoulders within him still, even hours after the encounter with his brother. But the anger is not directed at Loki, he realises. Whether his brother is now what he claims, or simply a madman again makes no difference. He has survived Loki's madness once before and will again. No- his anger is at himself. His lack of confidence, the mistakes he has made, the lives he has not saved, the pathetic mess his life has been since that day on the moon. All of these things weigh him down, make him less than what he knows he should be.

What would the child think, to see him like this? His brother had thought the world of him, thought him capable of anything, thought his every action just and his every word true. At the time he had carelessly accepted that as his due. Now, he recognises it for what it is: a challenge.

(Night has fallen. He will not sleep, he is not ready to face his nightmares yet.)

Deep down, a resolution: He will be better than these failures.]

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STRANGER IN THE DARK. CLOSED.

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