EVENT ★ WELCOME TO TERRA FELIS

[futurologists]

WELCOME TO TERRA FELIS Characters leave Woodhurst suddenly and without notice, but once they come out the other side of the rift, they aren't in Oska. Instead, they'll find themselves in the middle of a springtime meadow. Flowers are in bloom, the bright blue sky is above, and birds chirp overhead. And then there are the cats. From all sides of the meadow come housecats of all shapes and sizes, indistinguishable from mundane felines in every way until one of them speaks: "You're the third team today," it says in the calm, clear voice of a man. "Come along." CENTRUM COLONIAM Centrum Coloniam is the primary city of Terra Felis and is where the government, a constitutional monarchy, is located. Situated high above the ground, the city is accessible via teleportation pads located at guarded entrances all around its base; the teleportation pads to return to the ground are not guarded at all, and anyone may travel freely whenever they wish. Terra Felis operates on magitek, a complex combination of magic and technology that recruits should be familiar with: it's the same technology that runs Oska and the jewelcomms. Centrum Coloniam is lit by glowing, floating orbs that turn on automatically in the darkness, and its machinery seems to run itself, with only a few technicians scurrying about every now and then. The buildings all have tall, vaulted ceilings, as the cats prefer to walk along raised platforms rather than the floor, though furniture and utensils might give larger species (that's you) some difficulty. However, the cats receive enough visitors where most buildings (except private residences) have been situated with human-sized doorways, though if you're very tall, you may have to stoop a bit. All in all, characters ought to be relatively comfortable here if they have a good sense of humor -- though dogs or other canine companions will be met with suspicion if not outright hostility. Even enlightened sapient felines are not without their prejudices. The city of Centrum Coloniam is shaped like a circle, with the government in the center and four districts located to the north, east, south, and west. Radiating out from the city are four long spokes of parkland, separating each district. AREAS OF NOTE: ROYAL SQUARE. Where the Queen's opulent palace is located. She is much too busy to see visitors right now, but the Prime Minister, a plump persian, will greet anyone in her stead and answer any questions. Surrounding the palace in a circle are the parliamentary buildings and other governmental structures. ACADEMY SQUARE. To the north of the Royal Square is Academy Square, Terra Felis's university district and home to the Royal University. The cats focus mainly on scientific, mathematical, and magical pursuits, though there are smaller colleges for history and law. This is also where the library is located, though it is all nonfiction (and written in Latin), as the cats don't seem to have much use for entertainment. Also located within the Academy Square is the Royal Magitekkery, where the magitek specialists are hard at work developing new spells and technology. This is where the interdimensional rift machines are located, and where scientists and wizards are monitoring for news from Oska. If characters would like to ask more about magitek or inquire about Oska, they may speak to the Royal Scientist, a rather snobby sphynx. GROOMING DISTRICT. Home to many spas, salons, and other businesses focusing on individual pampering, the Grooming District is located to the east of the Royal Square and is where the majority of the locals are employed if they are not involved in politics or magitek. Though their primary clientele are, naturally, feline, they are largely excited to work on aliens and will do their best to provide whatever services they can. Of particular note are the Terra Felis spas, where soothing mud baths and shi-miatsu massage are very popular with their regular alien visitors. They also have natural hot springs available, though you'll have to wait for a Turkish Van to assist you, as all other spa attendants refuse to risk getting wet. RESIDENTIAL DISTRICT. Unless you are going to be roughing it down on the ground, your lodgings will be here at a hotel especially outfitted for human-sized visitors. The proprietress, a friendly tabby, will give you directions if you need them. Hotel rooms are outfitted with private bathrooms, a table and chairs, a vanity, and a television -- though the programming is primarily educational and news, except for the channel that plays nothing but endless videos of birds and fish, and the "alien station" which plays what appears to be soap operas starring bloblike creatures. The beds are probably the most unusual thing here for visitors -- although they're big enough for humanoids, they're just gigantic, fluffy cat beds. The houses here are not built for alien visitors larger than a cat, so if you make a friend, you'll have to visit them elsewhere. This district is also home to a number of shops and restaurants, though you might have trouble finding something to eat at the latter unless you live on a purely carnivorous diet. If you would like a little more variation in your meal, you will be offered a tray of wheatgrass; the kitchen at the hotel is staffed with cooks more accustomed to a human diet, so you might have better luck there. As cats are allergic to alcohol, there is no liquor in Terra Felis, but locals will offer you catnip on the sly if you mention you want something to help you loosen up. MUSEUM CAMPUS. The pride of Centrum Coloniam, the Museum Campus is located to the west of the Royal Square and home to museums covering everything from history to astronomy. (There is no art museum. If you were interested in seeing what cats consider art, the answer is nothing.) There is also a rather large and rather popular aquarium, as well as a zoo which features both native animals and animals from all across the galaxy. The zoo is home to an extremely complex breeding program, and the Royal Zookeeper, a scatterbrained black longhaired cat, is happy to explain their methods. Outside the city, the ground is home to meadows and forests, plus smaller villages for more rural cats. Characters are welcome to spend their time exploring the wilds if the city life isn't for them, where they may run into animals that one may expect to find in medieval Europe (deer, bears, wolves, etc). Apart from the cats, there is no other sapient species on the planet. OOC NOTES Welcome to Terra Felis! Contact with ALASTAIR NPCs remains mysteriously closed, and the native cat population has no idea what's going on with Oska either. Please use this post to plot amongst yourselves! The two other ALASTAIR teams in Terra Felis are Team Unicorn, an elite team of six (five humanoids and one talking kangaroo), and Team Ambrosia, a 20-recruit magic-focused team that consists of elves, humans, and satyrs. Unicorn had just begun their mission when they were suddenly rifted to Terra Felis, and Ambrosia was in the middle of what was apparently a very epic battle. Questions about Terra Felis can be directed here. You may also use this comment to ask (brief!) handwaved questions with cat NPCs. Questions about the game in general should be directed to the FAQ. You may also submit mission ideas or player plots at any time.

Comments

Mettaton | OTA

[ex_mettacrusher33]

A) 21 Repetitions of "What's New Pussycat"

[This is the best day of his life.

There's a box laying in the grass, what looks like a cross between a solar panel and a suntanning board folding out of its center. It's also completely and utterly covered in sleeping, purring cats.

It, or, more accurately, he, thank you, has been laying here for hours. It's to the point where he's honestly been fully charged for a while, but has zero intention of getting up. There are so many cats on him. His world has become nothing but a deafening wave of rumbling purrs and he couldn't feel more loved. He lives here now.

Slowly, delicately, a leg presses out of the bottom of the box and points itself at the nearest passerby.]

Bring me a bowl of grapes and a cappuccino. [He needs to feel even more luxurious.]

B) 1 It's Not Unusual

[This is the worst day of his life.

How do people survive being alone with their thoughts? It's torture. It's sadistic and unfair!! What was fun and relaxing suddenly took a sharp veer into nightmare-town when Mettaton suddenly and shockingly realized that there wasn't anything to do. Relax, yes. Did that. Enjoy cats, of course. Did that too. But there's no work. There's no mission! No entertainment!! No one even WANTS entertainment here!! This is hell! Is he dead? Is Keats a liar? Because Mettaton found hell! He is IN it!

He's sitting on the fountain outside of the hotel again, cloak back on and legs curled into his chest as he stares at the water. Unable to keep busy, his mind keeps spiraling to places he doesn't want them to be. They drift off to the limitations of his form, how completely uncanny and hideous it really is. The knowledge that no one will ever truly accept him as either a human or a monster, that all of his preening and posturing is entirely in vain, that everyone will hate him and leave him when they find out the truth about what he really is, that he's a liar, that he's a horrible, terrible manipulator, Zenyatta is going to tell everyone what he did to him and how everything about him is fake, Keats is going to give up on him when he finds out he was using him, that he can never kiss him or touch him or have any sort of meaningful connection, he'll never be able to interact with anyone the way he always wished he could, he's never going to see Blooky or Alphys or Shyren again or, even worse, they'll know he was gone and didn't want to come back and they'll hate him, they'll all hate him and he'll always be alone--

No! N-O-P-E! These are ridiculous thoughts! He politely declines these thoughts!! Who is he, Alphys?? Ha!! HAHA!! HA!!

...ignoring the fact that he was briefly laughing out loud, Mettaton lays down on his perch and folds his hands together over his chest. He stares blankly at the sky, unmoving. He can't move. He needs to not think. He needs to keep his mind busy.

He needs to feel like garbage.

A strange tune emanates from his speakers as he becomes one with the garbage cosmos. The longer he lays there, the louder it begins to get.

He doesn't seem to notice.]

C) WILDCARD come at me idc

A

[scrap_metal]

[ excuse u, he's no maid... but before he can comment on that, he realizes what the pile of cats on someone means ]

...are you a new test subject for the temperature study?

[ Earlier Genos got coerced into lying on the grass and being a heater, as part of scientific experiment.... yeah, he bought that excuse. Because what else would that be? Cats being lazy and enjoying warm machinery..? Nah. ]

[ex_mettacrusher33]

[Excuse him? That's not a "yes, of course, Mettaton." Unfortunately, due to his position and lack of neck, he's not able to look at whoever is speaking to him.]

CAN'T SAY I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ON ABOUT, SUNSHINE, BUT MTT NEWS HAS ALREADY CONDUCTED A TEMPERATURE SURVEY ON OUR LOCAL METTATON AND HE IS H-O-T. [Another leg appears from the box before he kicks them up into the air, posing them.

...a few cats are already climbing onto them. This is ideal, honestly.]

BUT REALLY. I'D APPRECIATE SOME GRAPES, AT THE VERY LEAST.

[scrap_metal]

[ This is so confusing. There's a box, but there are also legs. What the-- On one hand, Genos' is curious enough to investigate further - gotta know all potential threats - but on the other hand...

still not your maid. ]

And you need them for- what exactly? Grapes and coffee are toxic to cats. [ is this some attempt at self-defense? If so it better not involve assassinating the cats ]

[ex_mettacrusher33]

...THAT EXPLAINS WHY I COULDN'T FIND THEM MYSELF. [Shame. His legs lower, a visible representation of his sadness, and gently thunk against the grass. The cats that had been clinging onto them jostle for a moment, then curl back in on themselves.

And whatever does this stranger mean, why does he need them?]

DON'T YOU KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT RELAXATION, DARLING? [Mettaton reaches behind his back the best that he can, considering his position. From seemingly nothing, he pulls out a set of large, heart-shaped sunglasses and places them against his face-plate.] YOU NEED TO PAMPER YOURSELF.

[scrap_metal]

[ If there is one thing that cats are capable of, is sleeping in any place possible. If it can contain them, they will place themselves there. And boy, isn't this place a trip for all your cats need ever. ]

"Relaxation" isn't exactly high on the list of my priorities. [ Genos responds with a dry tone. Even if he might have learned to enjoy it a little, he's still mostly a focused, tense and determined fellow. But also a curious one, so who cares about manners, gotta ask questions ]

What are you exactly? With your need for coffee and grapes, I assume you're not native to this place.

[ He might be wrong, wouldn't be the first time... ]

[ex_mettacrusher33]

ISN'T THAT OBVIOUS, FUNSHINE-BEAR? I, [and he's back to raising a leg. One cat falls off and swipes at him before huffing and stalking off, much to the entertainment of the other felines.] AM A CELEBRITY. [Projected glitter sparkles around his form and gray, intangible text materializes over his head. METTATON, it reads.]

...AND NO, I'M NOT A NATIVE. I'M HERE FOR THE SAME REASON YOU ARE.

[He tilts his sunglasses, as if he had eyes to peer over the rims.] WE'RE ON VACATION.

b.

[respired]

[ Cat-land is not precisely action-packed, it's true. The novelty of the place wore off for Koltira after about five minutes; sentient animal species are common enough where he's from, and the culture itself holds no special interest--particularly for someone who's not that scholarly. Thus, he finds himself with little to occupy his increasingly pained time, aside from basic exploration. That's what he's up to when he comes across Mettaton and the rising swell of oddly dreamy music. It'd make Koltira sleepy, if he still did such things.

He stands over Mettaton, casting a long shadow. From his perspective, this guy looks a little dead.

His long ears twitch. ]

Are you well?

[ex_mettacrusher33]

[The music immediately cuts out the second Mettaton flicks his eyes over toward the shadow. He did move, after all. You're only laying down so long as you don't move.

Oh. It's that grumpy not-a-human from the network!]

Perfectly fine!!!! [...that was several octaves higher than any voice should ever be. Try again.] Perfectly fine! Just a bit of meditation, is all! What EVER could I help you with, darling??

[respired]

[ Koltira drops to his haunches, mostly so that he isn't awkwardly towering over MTT while they talk.

(He's a tall man, and he's hit his head on almost every doorframe since arrival.) ]

Was that meditating? I've been told I should learn.

[ His ears flick forward. ]

But you did not seem calm.

[ex_mettacrusher33]

[For split second, his overly cheery smile turns into a grimace. I've been told I should learn. By Zenyatta, most likely. Robotic Dalai Lama thinks he so goddamn great.............

He claps his hands together and springs up into a sitting position!! How can he not seem calm when he's having so much fun?!] We're on VACATION, sweetheart! There's no one on the team that ISN'T rested and relaxed! And about time, too!! Sigh!! [he exclaims, actually saying the word "sigh."]

So! You're Koltira, aren't you? It's wonderful to meet you in person! I'm assuming you're pleased with how things ended with Percy, eh?

[respired]

[ Koltira's eyebrows furrow. He's experienced Mettaton's artifice first-hand via the network, and he's seeing now that it's apparently a near-constant thing. But the grimace, however brief, did not escape him.

He taps his fingers on his knees, thinking that he is neither rested nor relaxed--not that he ever is. ]

I'm relieved that his wickedness cannot spread to other worlds. That no others will suffer from his designs.

[ex_mettacrusher33]

It's as good an ending as we can hope for, really. [Yes, good. Think about something else. Think about anything else. Percy is dead. Woodhurst is saved. Charlie is back with her mother, as well as so many other families with their loved ones. He got his friends to play a mindless board game with him! And visit with a hermit crab! Things are fantastic!! They're not nearly as bad as he's letting himself thing they are!

Sigh. Okay. Whatever high-strung, manic joy he was projecting earlier begins to wind down. Unfortunately for Koltira, Mettaton's normal attitude is still... Well. Mettaton.

He kicks his legs back and forth on his perch, hands at his sides as he eyes the other man.]

And yet, you look so blue. [Eh? Get it?]

b

[hedonistic]

[Oh my, are we having a bad time in here.

Guess who's here in your time of need, Mettaton? That's right -- it's your least favorite human!!! Your least favorite human that seems to be in a much better mood than you, to add insult to injury.

For his part, Kagari's more or less set, over here in Centrum Coloniam. He's surrounded by talking cats, there's a weird soap opera playing 24/7 in the hotel, and finally, he has both his gaming handheld and a way to charge it. If only these cats would invent the internet, he'd be content to stay on cat planet forever.

He's on his way back to the hotel himself when he spots a certain cloaked robot lying on the edge of the fountain, dramatically, music echoing out from his body. An eyebrow goes up and he lets out a vaguely amused snort, sitting down next to Mettaton.]

You know, I've heard of "sad trombone", but this is a new one.

[Weirdly, though, there isn't an edge to it, no viciousness to his sarcasm. It's as if their fraught conversation never happened at all, because that's the way Kagari rolls.]

[ex_mettacrusher33]

[Oh. It's this human.

The music shuts off as Mettaton turns his head, eyeing the man up and down. He's never seen him in person, before. He didn't really have an intention to. Ugh, he doesn't even remember what they spoke about (and Mettaton KNOWS they spoke. He vaguely remembers screaming at his jewelcomm for some reason), but all he can think when he sees him is a horrible kiss and a raging hangover!! That is this child: a living hangover.

And probably a bad kisser.]

Good to see you, Kigu.

[Was that his name? He doesn't care.]

[hedonistic]

Hey now, don't let me interrupt your dramatic brooding.

[he says, completely ignoring Mettaton's (fairly tame, honestly) snipe at his name and offering a sweeping gesture of his arm toward the fountain.]

I mean it, there was some serious artistry in motion, here. All you're missing is some shoujo sparkles and the sakura petals falling from the sky.

[ex_mettacrusher33]

Don't remind me that anime exists, you horrible creature.

[He sounds... like he's mostly kidding.

Mostly.

Whatever. No matter how bad his mood is, he's not prepared to show it in front of someone he doesn't trust. Besides, isn't being petty the greatest of distractions?

Of course it is.

Mettaton pushes himself into a sitting position, crossing one leg over the other and swinging them off the side of the fountain. He looks significantly more pleased than he did only a minute ago.]

Though I can't be surprised if that's your taste. You strike me as the type to prefer the 2d world over something more dimensional.

1/2

[hedonistic]

The 2D world, huh. [He huffs a laugh.] So much for how wonderful art is.

[An exaggerated shrug, before his grin shifts again, growing suddenly sharp.]

Still, that's pretty rich coming from a guy who's still wearing his cloak.

[hedonistic]

[And then it's gone, just as suddenly as it appeared.]

Anyway, no, I'm not really into shoujo. You see one harem anime, you've seen 'em all, pretty much. Besides, I prefer my entertainment to have some explosions in it.

1/2

[ex_mettacrusher33]

...

[If he had a heart, if would stop beating. That comment is like a needle digging into his core, over and over, sewing itself into him. Still wearing your cloak. You're still wearing your cloak. You're still lying to yourself. You're still lying to everyone. They already know the truth. You're not fooling anyone.

This brat. This cruel, thoughtless, smug little brat.

Mettaton's fist clenches, his eyes widening with his smirk.]

Do you, now?

What a coincidence.

a

[reverseengineer]

[Someday, Pidge will remember that robots she sees lying around are not necessarily non-sentient machines she can just take apart to learn what they do without hurting anyone.

Today is not that day.

She's advancing on the strange machine lying out in the sun and covered with cats, a screwdriver in her hand, when suddenly he speaks and she yelps, stumbling back.

Machines that can speak are nothing new. Machines that ask for a cappuccino and grapes? Not something she's seen before.]

What?

[ex_mettacrusher33]

GRAPES. CAPPUCCINO, [he repeats, somehow pointing his leg even harder.

...oh. Oh, this poor dear. Maybe it's not the command that's confusing them.]

A CAPPUCCINO IS A FANCY COFFEE, YOU SEE. TYPICALLY TO BE DRANK BY A-LIST CELEBRITIES WHILE THEY READ IN THE PAPER ABOUT HOW THEIR MOVIE HAS COMPLETELY ECLIPSED THEIR COMPETITORS AND LAUGH TO THEMSELVES.

[reverseengineer]

I know what a cappuccino is. [Her initial surprise wears off fast, and she approaches again, shoving the screwdriver into her pocket. She's not going to take apart a robot that can actually have an opinion on the matter without permission. Probably.]

I'm more interested in the fact that you can drink it. I'd think it would mess with your processors. Do you even have a stomach? Or taste buds?

[ex_mettacrusher33]

[There's a whirring noise as an arm retreats out of the box. Mettaton raises it into the air and holds up a pinky.] 1) I CAN'T. [Ring.] 2) IT WON'T. [Pointer and thumb. It's not like he has a middle finger.] 3 AND 4) NO.

BUT THIS IS SUCH A LOVELY DAY, ISN'T IT? WHO COULDN'T DO WITH A LITTLE PAMPERING?

OH, WHERE ARE MY MANNERS. I SHOULD BE ASKING FOR A NAME, SHOULDN'T I?

[The arm stretches out, almost like a slinky, hand down and ready for a kiss.] IT'S METTATON, DARLING. AND YOU ARE?

[reverseengineer]

Pidge. [She glances at his hand for a moment, still looking a little baffled, then shakes it.] So... you just want a cappuccino and grapes because it seems fancy? Not because it's actually something you an use?