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heavyhitter) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
epidemiology2017-07-23 04:42 pm
heavyhitter) wrote in epidemiology2017-07-23 04:42 pm
and you've got a way
CHARACTERS: Sigma and Ramir, a bit of Jason
DATE: now-ish
WARNINGS: probably nothin
SUMMARY: maze stuff!
[ Being lost in an endless-seeming maze teeming with monsters is not any reason not to indulge in a little bit of adventurous culinary work. So that's why it hasn't been enough for Ramir to just go along with all the weird fruits and shit people keep finding — no, she's got to see what she can make out of one of the smaller, shrimpier one of the lizards they ran into.
Shrimpier, in this case, doesn't really mean all that small. The thing was about dog-sized, and she'd had a hell of a time trying to figure out how to cook something with acidic blood. It kept dissolving the sticks she found to thrust through it for a spit roast, for one thing. There's also the matter of whether anyone besides her is going to be able to safely eat it.
She thinks she's got it now, though. Roasting sections at a time dries up the blood, and this plant she'd found to shred and sprinkle onto the meat had dried it up a little more and gave it a little zest. She sits in front of their evening campfire and chews a piece thoughtfully, staring at the chunk of lizard she's currently working on. ]
Hey, Sigma. [ She glances over, waving a bitesized piece speared on a stick. The stick hasn't dissolved at all under it, so she's feeling optimistic. ] You wanna give this guy a shot?
DATE: now-ish
WARNINGS: probably nothin
SUMMARY: maze stuff!
[ Being lost in an endless-seeming maze teeming with monsters is not any reason not to indulge in a little bit of adventurous culinary work. So that's why it hasn't been enough for Ramir to just go along with all the weird fruits and shit people keep finding — no, she's got to see what she can make out of one of the smaller, shrimpier one of the lizards they ran into.
Shrimpier, in this case, doesn't really mean all that small. The thing was about dog-sized, and she'd had a hell of a time trying to figure out how to cook something with acidic blood. It kept dissolving the sticks she found to thrust through it for a spit roast, for one thing. There's also the matter of whether anyone besides her is going to be able to safely eat it.
She thinks she's got it now, though. Roasting sections at a time dries up the blood, and this plant she'd found to shred and sprinkle onto the meat had dried it up a little more and gave it a little zest. She sits in front of their evening campfire and chews a piece thoughtfully, staring at the chunk of lizard she's currently working on. ]
Hey, Sigma. [ She glances over, waving a bitesized piece speared on a stick. The stick hasn't dissolved at all under it, so she's feeling optimistic. ] You wanna give this guy a shot?
no subject
[ So he might reflexively wrinkle his nose when she brandishes her latest attempt in his direction... But at least this time the hunk of meat doesn't seem to be trying to gnaw its way off the stick like it's still alive. ]
Really think you got it this time?
[ He leans over and takes the proffered stick, inspecting it briefly... Hell, he's hungry enough to give it a shot... So maybe his first bite's a little bit too big to be experimental. One chew later and he winces. ]
Okay like— [ he shuts his eyes, talking with his mouth still full. For some reason. ] —f'you took a lemon, doubled that, n'made it out of meat. M'pretty sure it's this.
[ Not necessarily the sour part, but sharp. Not acidic enough to burn a hole through his stomach (hopefully) but the kind of thing that's gonna leave sores on the roof of his mouth. After a couple seconds of summoning up the strength, he downs the hunk valiantly, albeit with not quite enough chewing. ]
—Oh god, why did I swallow, why did I do that...
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Oh my god, you didn't have to finish it. [ And in the back of her mind she's telling herself, quietly, that he can heal now. If she manages to fuck up his stomach he'll fix it eventually, right? ] Okay, hang on, I'm gonna try a few more things... this is gonna work, I swear.
[ Back to the drawing board. Or in this case, the still-roasting side of lizard meat. ]
no subject
[ There's a delayed sort of burn that follows down his throat and settles somewhere beneath his ribs. Not that he's ever eaten something like this, but it doesn't feel terribly life-threatening. Just... unpleasant. And besides, he can heal, that's right. It's fine. ]
I've got... full confidence in— [ Before he can catch himself, he burps, and claps a hand to his chest. ] —oh my god, is it even possible to get heartburn this fast? Do you even still get heartburn? Have you ever even had it?
[ stop whining you did this to yourself buddy. ]
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You're not gonna die, right? Because that'd be really embarrassing, I'd have to explain to the whole team how I killed Sigma. I bet Koltira wouldn't even wanna do his weird resurrection thing, he'd just leave you dead.
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I don't make promises I can't keep, Ramir... [ He groans, throwing himself back a little melodramatically, both arms making to hug himself around the middle. ] No, Koltira's a man of honor. He wouldn't let you disgrace yourself with this embarrassing blood on your hands...
[ He would, probably, let him die like an idiot though. Sigma tries not to think about it, focusing on putting a strain in his voice. ]
Oh god. I think it's regenerating into a bunch of tiny lizards and they're all eating me from the inside out.
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Hey, you don't have to eat meat. Everyone else's doing pretty good with the fruits.
[ Although force vegetarianism is almost a fate worse than death, isn't it. While she's concentrating, though, there's a gentle shift of shrubbery about twenty feet off from them in the shadow of the wall. It doesn't even register for her. Everything shifts the shrubbery in here, it's probably just a bird or a breeze or something. ]
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But it sounds really good right now... [ You monster. Suggesting he vegan up like this. ] And it smells really good too, you've gotta be on to something.
[ Maybe that's the plant she'd laced the meat with. Or the hunger talking. Labyrinth lizard meat is probably a far cry from any kind of delicacy, and he'd been a little too distracted by the burning to discern whether it actually had promise, but still. Sighing, he eventually sits up, casting a glance behind them at the rustling foliage before hopping to his feet. Pausing to nab a slightly bigger stick on a whim. ]
Alright, fine, I'm gonna go graze, [ he mumbles defeatedly, poking the stick through the underbrush in case any more dog lizards try to go for his ankles. It isn't long before he spots a glint through the leaves, of something thin, black, pretty un-foodlike, out of place and very still... He pokes that too. And all of a sudden, one shiny spearpoint becomes ten before becoming what sounds like a hundred skittering past as something way too big coils up hissing and clicking. ]
[ It's only by the grace of instinct and reflex that he can scream a disbelieving, disgusted scream and duck in the same instant, as enormous pincers scythe through where a throat had probably just been. ]
[ And into the clearing thuds a fucking centipede the length of a bus. Hi Ramir. ]
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She's just working over that whole idea, and trying to decide what the hell to use as a pot, when Sigma screams. That has her up on her feet in an instant, food entirely forgotten, spinning around with her hands already lifted to tear into —
Oh. Oh god. Ramir's scream, rare and higher than one might expect, rings out after Sigma's a second later, and she springs back across the fire to put it between her and the new arrival. And Sigma, while she's at it. Sorry Sigma. ]
Holy fucking shit! Look at it! Oh god, look at it!
[ With that eloquently put, she finally starts casting about for a weapon. God, she she bring the lightsaber? Of course she didn't. What can she use to avoid ever having to touch it, ever? Ever. Seriously. ]
no subject
[ This is... a hell of a bug for the boyfriend to deal with. Nevertheless: ]
Kinda hard not to! Hey—!
[ It doesn't stop him shouting and cracking the stick literally over the back of the unholy thing's thick black carapace. Probably not the most strategic move, but it certainly gets its attention. He tosses away the stub of branch it leaves him with as it scuttles back around, dipping and weaving, all unpredictable and glistening, not wet, just gross and insectoid and eugh, why did he do that, why. ]
Shit, what the fuck, nature?! It's shit like this that proves there's no god!
[ As it makes another snap for his head, Sigma stumbles back and takes off in a wide loop around the clearing. Around the fire, too. Sorry Ramir. But he's got its attention now please help. ]
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She scuttles around the fire as it moves, really, really hoping that it neither suddenly changes targets nor decides a fire is no real obstacle. The rational part of her reminds her that it should definitely be going after her, not Sigma, but the part of her that wants to go on shrieking wants absolutely nothing to do with it. ]
God, is it — should I call Jason?! [ He's tough and manly and can take this thing down, right? He's better armed than Sigma (in the weapons way), that's for sure. Her hand's already flying to the magitek bracelet. ]
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Well I mean if you're not gonna do anything! [ He yelps, suddenly acutely reminded that she, in fact, has super strength and invulnerability. Ramir he could die. Okay, fine, he needs a bigger stick. ]
[ As he runs, he veers closer to the fire and nabs something out of their collection of unbroken firewood, like a big, gnarled, baseball bat. And skidding to a halt on his heel, he pivots and brings it slamming across its looming... head and face deal in a lucky blow. Though it hisses and reels back, as it curls in on itself in defense, its tail end whips around and knocks Sigma off his feet in the process. ]
[ ... Fortunately the sound that escapes him isn't a sound of pain, it's the skeeved out wail of being simultaneously stroked by a thousand giant needley bug feet. In the seconds it takes the creature to shake off the hit, he's already on his feet and scampering out of range again. Still making pathetic noises. ]
Fuuuck! My skin is gonna crawl til the day I die!
[ Unfortunately, in addition to being right by the fire, now the thing just looks spectacularly pissed off. ]
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— And immediately blanches and scrambles back to once again keep the fire between her and it. ]
I'm calling Jason.
[ Sigma's putting up a pretty admirable fight for a basically normal guy, but she really wants a guy with guns right now. She wants this thing down for the count and shoved way, way, way out of her sight. ]
Just — keep it running around, or whatever!
[ While she loses focus a little, mentally pulling up the network link for a quick little distress signal. ]
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[ Here it lunges again, scuttling and rearing up like clockwork and he takes another whack at its head as it comes close. And another, a sharp cracking noise reverberating through the clearing, though it's difficult to tell whether the noise came from the bug or the stick again. ]
[ Probably the stick, considering the way it twists and splinters when the thing catches it in its mandibles on the third swing. He liked that stick too, but it had a good run. Now it's his turn to have a good run, hopefully a better one than the stick. Not looking promising, if the way the centipede thrashes out again and nearly takes him out at the knees again is anything to go by, but he regains his footing for now and bolts. ]
I— Come on, can't you at least throw shit at it or something?!
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God, I guess — toss me any rocks you trip over, alright?
[ Because it's sort of a difficult game to both stay as far away from it as possible and pick up ammo off the ground, and so far it's slow going. But at least she's got this good news: ]
Jason's on his way, so don't let it chew on you for just a little while longer.
ugh I'm alive, maybe.
He'd booked it after Ramir had made their situation clear to him. And he's as true to his word as he can be—crossing the maze right back to where he left them in record time. Luckily, it's easier to find them, the closer he gets. (He can hear something big kicking up a fuss. There's an odd smell of roasted...something in the air that probably helped draw the attention of the monster bug in the first place. Maybe. Do monster bugs have a sense of smell, who knows.)
Whatever it is, it's looming dangerously close to Sigma when he finally gets in eyeshot. So he skids to a halt and grabs for a weapon. Unfortunately, he's not packing a very high caliber. The first few shots seem to ricochet right off its carapace. It ignores it. So, he takes a second to readjust.
Finally, it skitters back, one goopy greenish mess exploding where one of its largest and grossest compound eyes used to lie. Unfortunately, it has a few more of those to spare. Jason whistles sharply to draw attention to himself. Just in case you were too busy trying to not get eaten to notice.]
Now or never.
[Try to keep in the blind spot, bud.]
i s2g i tracked this
[ Does he get to be Demandy Sandy when he's already the one asking for help? Yes. Yes he does. This thing is seriously gonna kill him, Ramir, he would crawl through a tunnel full of spiders for you, the least you could do is appreciate that a little more and throw rocks at the giant bug, what ever happened to the We thing....... But he does keep his eyes down, and whenever he gets a second, he does stoop and chuck a couple fist sized rocks back toward the fire, eventually skidding to a halt and hefting a two-hander her way. The pede makes up its lost ground in a heartbeat, bowling him over with all its pincers and legs and yuck and— ]
[ At the crack of a gunshot it stutters. Keeps bearing down, sure, but it stutters enough for him to get a foot between them. And just as he's about to kangaroo kick this sucker off him it throws up right in his face. ]
[ Okay if he could see, he'd be able to tell it was eye juice, but it doesn't matter at this point. Some variety of bug innards are on him. In his eyes, in his mouth, and with how acidic everything else in this damn labyrinth has turned out to be so far, his first instinct is to writhe and shriek wildly out of proportion. ]
[ It doesn't take more than a second or two to realize that his skin isn't melting off its bones, but those seconds feel like hours. Thankfully his embarrassing noises quickly peter down from genuine distress to theatrical disgust, and Jason's whistle can buy him the time he needs to roll away and stumble to his feet, smearing the guts out of his eyes and hair. Jason's definitely here, act cool, oh god it's in his ears it's everywhere fuck ]
and i... i have no excuse, i just got slow :'|
It's not too late for a shriek of her own, though.
Wailing like she's dying, Ramir launches herself into a flying leap to tackle the horrible, horrible thing. She grips it around the middle and lets her momentum tear the both of them away from Sigma, and oh my god she can feel its too-many legs struggling against her arms. She hangs on tight, cheek buried against the plating of its back as they hit the ground together a ways off, while she wonders if it's possible to die from a sensation. If it is, it's definitely the feeling of thin, sharp legs kicking and struggling under and around her arms that'll do her in.
On the bright side, her shriek has turned into words. ]
Kill it kill it kill it kill it kill it kill it kill it — !