EVENT ★ SEASON FINALE

[futurologists]

ZYMANDIS CASTLE The castle -- no, the entire world, small as it is -- is too peaceful. It isn't the atmosphere one would associate with a villain's lair, even with it looking as sinister as it does. Crumbling chunks of earth float in the air, threatening to hit anyone who isn't paying attention to where they're going. It is quiet around them, like the castle is entirely without life. Cassie, Cherenkov, Crowley, Dagny, and Uruz stand beside Audentes, proud that their sister team has come so far. Each of them have offered words of encouragement, even the cats... in their own special way. Cassie is short and sweet: “Give 'em hell.” Cherenkov and Crowley have combined their efforts to create regeneration nanobots that whisper positive messages to one's psyche and gifted them to the entire team. Dagny says, “I couldn't be prouder of you!! You have done much good, and come so far, and your future is so very bright, and -- oh, may I please hug you?? I'm going to hug you now!” and sticks gold star stickers on the foreheads of various team members. Uruz says, “Pull through, Audentes! You've always been brave, headstrong, and united! This will be nothing for you lot, nothing at all. But be careful, if only for me. I want to see you all again after we're through.” The group pushes forward. The moment they do, a loud, brassy sound blares throughout the castle grounds. The world comes alive again. Enemies begin to scale down the castle walls, pop out of windows, and burst through the doors, which slam shut behind them. A dragon circles above, raining fire down upon its enemies. A small squad of goblins brandish swords. Some enemies look human but pale, frenzied, hungry; they're out of control. Others resemble Qorral bandits. The enemies call back to their past missions in some way. A way of letting them know Zymandis had been one step ahead every time. ALASTAIR was simply the cleaning crew, picking up the mess they left in their wake. Halfway through the battle, a small, pale creature with inhumanly large eyes manages to make his way through the crowd (mostly) unscathed, waving a white flag he seems to have fashioned himself out of his own clothes, judging by the large hole in his shirt. He looks too thin and too tired. He falls to his knees. “Please, o Holy Liberators!” he exclaims, kissing the ground near their feet slavishly. “It does not want to be here anymore. It wants to go home. It has information the Liberators must want. It will give it to them.” ALASTAIR strikes a deal with the creature, who reveals his true name to be Edgar, although Arbatel -- the Leader -- refers to all of his servants as nothing but 'it'. Edgar draws a childlike map to a mine entrance not far, and explains that the mine itself connects directly to Arbatel's laboratory. “It has-- I... have cleaned it many times. Master was captivated by the mines. Master had men in the mines day and night.” His voice drops to a whisper. “The Liberators need be careful. The mines claim many lives. Master does not care if they are dangerous.” With that, the group has a new plan. Some of the other teams stay back to distract the rest of the fighters, but Audentes and Kittypaw continue on. After all, Audentes is their little sibling team. Even though Audentes has been a full-fledged team for two years now -- time certainly flies! -- they've still got to look out for them. It's time to head to the mines. THE MINES The trek to the mines is a hard one. The group has to be careful to avoid lava geysers and giant, seemingly bottomless chasms, as well as panicked, violent animals. By the time they finally make it to the mines, there's a good chance their legs are aching, but there's no time to rest. Dagny has brought along a few potions she brewed herself that will help dull the ache, however. Inside the mines, no one has to worry about lava geysers. However, vision is obscured, and there's a feeling of gloom hanging over the area. After all, the mine did claim many lives. Some might even pass some bones, if they're unlucky. Arbatel isn't interested in sending corpse clean-up crews. The danger of the mines becomes apparent when Audentes and Kittypaw meet their first challenge. The twists and turns of the labyrinthine mines begin to break up the group. With the teams separated, Audentes will find themselves feeling... angry. Perhaps vengeful. As if there were spirits influencing them. They will begin to turn on whoever they're with, deciding now is the time to air their grievances. (This can affect all characters in a thread or just one.) Only once characters are aware they're being controlled will they be able to resist, and only once they are able to strongly resist will they be able to break the spirits' hold on them. But be careful: if you stick around too long afterwards, the spirit might try to take vengeance on you. Audentes and Kittypaw finally manage to meet back up when the paths converge once again, but their luck does not last for long. Cassie leads the group fearlessly ahead, but is forced to stop when a shadowy figure crawls in the darkness. And another one... and another one. The large beetles and spiders who live in the mine have come out of hiding, surrounding the team from all angles. Their bites are venomous, and they spit acid that burns to the touch. Their skin is hard, like metal, and nearly impossible to pierce. It's no wonder so many miners lost their lives down here with these monsters preying on them. The numbers are too overwhelming and the creatures too strong. The group has no choice. They have to run if they want any chance to get to Arbatel and the TIMELINE.exe. The creatures follow in fast pursuit, hungry for their next meal now that Arbatel is no longer sending miners to their dooms. The more they run, the more apparent it becomes that escape is futile. It seems there is only one option left: become these monsters' food. At least, that's how it seems; the group stops, barely fighting off their attackers, and Cassie says, “Go, now!” She reaches into her pocket and shouts, “Hey! Over here!” as she runs in the opposite direction, diverting the creatures' attention long enough for the team to get a head start. She takes her hand out of her pocket and raises it, holding an explosive. “Eat rainbows and die!” Flamboyant as ever, her explosion causes a beautiful, swirling rainbow effect, knocking Audentes over. When they regain their bearings, the area where Cassie and the monsters stood is caved in. Cherenkov, Crowley, Dagny, and Uruz are quiet for the rest of the walk. The group finally comes across an area of the mine that is significantly more sculpted than the rest, hollowed out around a large, glowing crystal. Around the crystal is a catwalk, with a ladder leading up to it. On the catwalk are tables containing various arcane items, blueprints for inventions, computer parts, and other strange materials. This is certainly Arbatel's lab. Now it's time to find the man himself. FINDING ARBATEL The castle is falling apart on the inside, too, despite the servants he has put to work. Some of them resemble Edgar, but others seem to belong to other species; some are even human. All of them are pale, malnourished, and cower in Audentes's presence. None of them appear to have any sinister motive or put up any sort of fight, although they're all too afraid to speak as well. The castle is full of oddities: a bookshelf full of books in languages no one has ever heard of, paintings with colors no one has seen before. It's worth it to inspect everything. In fact, one inspection in particular is particularly lucky -- one removal of a book from a bookshelf causes a wall to slide back, revealing a set of stairs that ascend upwards. Hey, all secret lairs need a secret door. Start up the stairs, and a woman in gold and white armor appears at the top. She waves her hand and the wall quickly slides back into place, blocking the staircase again. Except, unfortunately, for the two who happened to be in front: Jon and Loki are now trapped on the other side of the wall with the mysterious woman. No matter how many books are removed, shuffled, or shoved back into the shelves, the wall won't open again. The team will have to find another way to get through. Meanwhile, Jon and Loki are left alone to confront the woman, who introduces herself as Hagith. She is Theodor Arbatel's younger daughter and, unlike her long-dead sister Ophiel, completely loyal to Zymandis. Enhanced with cybernetic bones and organs, she is gifted in magic and is a dangerous foe even for Jon. While they're engaged in battle, an older man appears from a door just beyond the landing. Loki, sure this is the man they've been looking for all this time, wields his sword of truth at the ready... As for the rest of the team, poking through the rest of the castle will eventually find a small passage behind a painting -- it's six feet up and roughly the size of a ventilation shaft, so the only way to get up there is teamwork, and the only way to get through is by crawling, one by one, through the pitch black labyrinth. The passageway conveniently ends right on the other side of the wall, where -- luckily for the claustrophobic on the team -- there is a lever that will make the wall slide back again, revealing the hidden stairs. It's just in time, too: a wounded Jon stands over the dead knight, her windpipe crushed, watching as Loki needles a distinguished-looking man with Gram, the sword of truth. It's a disquieting scene, but it's necessary: the man is Arbatel, the Leader of Zymandis, and he owes ALASTAIR some answers. “This blade is doused in Dragon’s Blood,” Loki says as he turns the sword in Arbatel’s wound; “it forces someone to tell the truth. It always hurts.” Arbatel gazes at his daughter’s body as he answers all questions posed to him, both from Loki and from those shouted from the expedition: His true name is Theodor Arbatel, and that has always been the truth. He comes from a world that he has long since forgotten, his lifetime lengthened to thousands of years by personal experimentation with a sort of proto-magitek. The longer he lived, the more chaos he saw in Zymandis’s attempts at solving the Cataclysm; it would be better, in his eyes, if the entire multiverse were purged and purified, allowed to start anew, instead of simply bandaging an already sick and chaotic thing. And when he updated the TIMELINE.exe machine, its new calculations only proved what he thought: the universe would start again if ushered to a total collapse. As the rest of Zymandis followed his machine’s update, he rose through its ranks to become the Leader; those who didn’t believe in the truth were executed or run out of Zymandis until a faction that would become ALASTAIR stole an earlier version of his creation and fled. Including, he notes with distaste, his daughter Ophiel. His quest to end this tainted universe and usher in a new, better universe had millions -- possibly even billions -- of casualties, he estimates. He recalls all the miners he remorselessly sent to their deaths in the pursuit of the temporal crystal in his laboratory. Arbatel has studied such crystals for centuries; there are many types, he explains, but only one of this particular kind. It is the only one capable of undoing all of Zymandis's work. His life's work. He would send ten times as many miners to die if it meant protecting that crystal. He would have killed his own daughters. As Arbatel’s confession continues, he becomes more and more affected by the blade of Gram, as to suffer this blade is to suffer the truths one has denied. The way he has twisted his own nihilism into being the only truth, refusing to look for other alternatives, ignoring the pleas of his elder daughter. As Loki told him, the truth hurts. And in this case, the truth has killed Theodor Arbatel. He falls to the ground, lifeless. With this bloody business done, there's a few minutes to rest and patch any lingering wounds. The rest of the expedition begins to filter in at this point, missing a few of their number and looking a little rough around the edges. From the ex-Zymandis agents' wristwatches, the Ophiel AI speaks: the TIMELINE.exe is in the next room. TEMPORAL STORM Behind the door, now unguarded, is the Mechanical Room -- a gigantic warehouse stuffed with cables and gigantic computers and hundreds of CRT monitors. The room is warm and there's a constant whirring of machinery, ever present but quiet enough that it can fade into the background like white noise. Upon entering the room, recruits will be greeted by the monitors all flashing threatening messages in unison: GET OUT and INTRUDERS and ALERT, among others. Outside the door, Arbatel and Hagith's jewelcomms beep frantically: the TIMELINE.exe is asking for assistance that will never come. Thankfully, the corrupted TIMELINE.exe machine has no actually effective means of defense, so ALASTAIR is free to do what must be done: upload TIM's new update, the ver. 1.0.03 file. Installing the update is a simple task, but will require every ALASTAIR recruit's participation: extend one's jewelcomm toward the TIMELINE.exe, and the magitek will do the rest. The interfacing is ephemeral and beautiful, strands of visible code streaming through the air like beams of sunlight. It only takes a moment, and once it's done, the TIMELINE.exe's screen go dark. And then, a second later: Hello World ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ It's a success: Zymandis's machine has been overwritten by TIM. Without a leader or their destruction-focused TIMELINE.exe, Zymandis is dead. But before there can be much excitement, TIM uses his new monitors to explain that there is still the matter of the impending destruction of this world and its universe, owing to the temporal crystal deep in the mine under the castle. The temporal crystal must be destroyed. The energy it saps simply to sustain its own existence keeps the universe fractured; when all of the research conducted by both ALASTAIR and Zymandis scientists is combined, TIM is able to hypothesize that shattering the crystal and releasing the energy into the universe will cause a surge large enough to charge a merging. After the Cataclysm, each universe continued to split into thousands of fractured universes, all nearly identical save for small differences. The energy meant to sustain one universe was now split across thousands, ebbing and flowing and never quite enough. The merging, however, would combine each of those identical universes into one... allowing them to run on full energy. In short: destroying the crystal should merge the fractured universes, allowing them to sustain themselves without ALASTAIR intervention. The solution is simple, but will require a lot of elbow grease: using materials found throughout Arbatel’s lab, create a positronic bomb and detonate the temporal crystal. The resulting explosion, as Arbatel said, will be the opposite of destruction. Once the bomb is all set, it’s probably a smart thing to head topside before its detonation. Don’t worry about leaving TIM behind -- his consciousness in this machine is linked with the machine in Oska, so he won’t be harmed. The same is not exactly true for the rest of the expedition. When the bomb goes off, there’s a blinding blue flash and a deafening silence. The world -- the universe -- no, the fabric of reality shakes and trembles; the sky swirls; the ground churns. It only lasts a handful of seconds, but the turmoil seems like an endless epoch. And then everything clears; the ravaged, once-crumbling world is still and silent. Though the platforms of earth still sail peacefully through the air, there is no more lava and no more shaking. The destruction of this universe has been halted. More than that, though, the instability of the multiverse has been halted. Instead of a sprawling, infinite multiverse filled with infinite timelines, the minutely different universes have been merged. This may result in some nausea or confusion as the expedition’s own minutely alternate realities meld with their own, though there won’t be any identity crises or conflicting memories. You’re still you. But more importantly, this means the multiversal energy crisis is over. ALASTAIR can use its rift machines without needing to conserve precious energy. You can go home, if you’d like... but you might want to head to Oska first. LATER... After what might have been the longest day of their lives, the group returns to Oska for a well-deserved celebration... after any injuries are tended to. They are, of course, commended by the rest of ALASTAIR for their bravery and dedication. There's a feast, but considering how tired everyone is, there's no wild party. Just quiet contentment. An older ALASTAIR member, a man with dark hair and a prim demeanor, stands up to give a speech. “For thousands of years, we have endeavored to right the wrong caused by the Cataclysm. Tonight, we have finally achieved that goal. ALASTAIR's purpose was solely to maintain order as best we could, even in the face of impossible odds. Now, that is no longer necessary. This is a beginning of a new and better multiverse... but it is an ending, too. I suppose it is time to disband ALASTAIR, once and for all.” The crowd murmurs. It's all a blur of words, but the general gist can be picked up. Should they really disband ALASTAIR? Could they? There isn't anything left for them to do, after all. We could all go home to our families. “This is not a loss. This is a win. I vote that today be ALASTAIR's last official day of operation. Those who agree with me, raise your hands.” A large majority of the crowd raises their hands. “The matter is settled, then. Tonight, we celebrate. Tomorrow... tomorrow, we go home.” He sits and resumes speaking to those sitting beside him, and it seems the discussion is over... until a red-headed girl barges in through the double doors, eyes wild. To say she looks frazzled is to put it kindly. “You guys have to hear this. The merging? It worked. No more energy being drained. But the universes, they're... having trouble adjusting, I guess. Look.” She projects her magitek onto the wall, showing clips of protests, fires, war. In one world, two queens vie for the same crown. In another, dinosaurs seem to roam the earth again. “We've gotta do something, right?” The room quiets. For a moment, it seems no one is going to answer her. Finally, a woman answers. “We've done all we can. It's time to stop interfering with other worlds. I'm returning home.” Others grumble in agreement. A select few disagree. The girl scowls. “Oh, please.” She gestures to Audentes. “You just saved the freakin' multiverse. And it's all gonna turn to crap if we don't fix it. So...” She smiles sheepishly. “What do you say? Partners?” OOC NOTES And that wraps it up for Season 1 of Futurology! The action portion of the log will last roughly five IC hours. If you have any questions about this log, please direct them to the dossier. We know it's a long one, so don't be shy! For those of you who will be staying with us on to Season 2, will be releasing a calendar on what to expect for the next two months sometime in late November. For those of you who are heading off at the conclusion of Season 1 or those who have dropped already, thank you for participating in our game! Futurology is what it is because of every single one of you. NOTE: HMD and AC will be posted on schedule (18 November and 1 December, respectively), so don't forget! Participation is mandatory if you would like to remain in the game.

Comments

[selfimage]

[ as the days move on, that something must be done becomes apparent.

Keith stops like there's something else to say, but doesn't say it. there's a pause; Loki takes a sip. ]

What do you want?

[ words heavy with implication, but right now it means something selfish. Keith, who struggled with being a leader, had a knack for thinking of others, the big picture, and the long-term effects. it was a good quality, one not many leaders had. ]

[secondnature]

I miss my team. I miss my lion. [Red. Not Black. There's something about the way he says this that makes it clear. Red belongs to Lance now, though. Things were simpler before ... before Shiro disappeared again. He should be talking to Shiro about this. But then, Shiro would be disappointed in him for even questioning it, wouldn't he? That's what it feels like to him.]

But I don't think I'm ready to be what to be what they want me to be. The last few months have made that clear to me.

[The truth is, framing it as readiness feels almost too fair. Keith knows that he just doesn't want to lead. Even with the taraxa, there were so many people who were willing to push for things. No one had to acknowledge him as the one in charge. It was easier. He didn't feel like he was letting anyone down.

It's not at all like fighting a war. In fact, it seems like the war part has ended. It's just a matter of missions. Of fighting. Or setting things right.

It means doing good, but it involves doing good without disappointing anyone for not being good enough.

Or ... doing something he doesn't want to do.

Keith knows that's just the main reason: he doesn't want to.]

[selfimage]

[ Asgard had exiled him because of their expectations, whether it was to become the villain or stay the child. Loki had butchered his own existence to thwart those expectations, though those were set by the universe's inclination toward consistency. he hated being put in a box, expected to dance to the beat of fate's drum. for that, he had harmed himself considerably.

while Keith's situation wasn't nearly as extreme, he can see the similarities. it was all about he wanted versus what someone else wanted him to do. for Loki, he could live this through lifetimes, for someone like Keith—well, he only had one of those. ]

Well—ready or not. [ he sounds somewhat resigned. ] If you wish to remain, then stay. Your reasoning is your own, and the decision is yours.

Really, responsibilities are overrated sometimes. [ he's learned there are some that he can't avoid, but that doesn't mean that he agrees with the demands. ] Not everything that someone wants out of you is the best thing for anyone.

You know ... [ he pauses with his cup, looking curious. ] My mother thought it was best for Asgard that I assume the role of the villain. Not that you know much of gods, but let's just say since the normal threat of doom had been thwarted, the Aesir were left in a bit of a dilemma. They had nothing to fight.

And me? I didn't want to hurt people anymore, no matter how much responsibility called.

[secondnature]

[Being asked to be a villain—Keith doesn't know how he'd take that. If anything, he only knows that if he goes back now, he won't be the leader they need him to be. He'd handled it for so long until Shiro came back, and when he did, it felt like he had to see what he knew all along. Shiro could tell that he didn't know what he was doing, so he took back control as quickly as he could manage it. Keith would have been okay with that, except Black rejected him.

Which meant that Keith was stuck.

Stuck ... or eager to make this decision.

He'd have to face the choice either way. He misses Voltron. He misses the castle and everyone in it. He misses those couple of months where it didn't seem to matter that he didn't know how to kiss Lance at the right moments or say the right things. He misses forming Voltron, going on missions and communicating. He misses Allura's frustration with Lance and the nonsense that would spew from Pidge's mouth and Hunk's food. But he just doesn't feel like he can have that and also be their leader, so ... he can't. They need him to be something to have that.

And he can't. He can't be that.]

If you went home, would that be what they'd want you to be?

[It's hard for Keith to steer the focus off of himself. He's no good at it. But talking about his situation is harder, so this is where he goes with it.]

[selfimage]

[ there were a lot of people and former friends that he missed, but he had already made his choice when it came to staying behind. he left, but he was not Keith. Keith had to make his own choice. ]

They don't want me home at all, I'm exiled.

[ it makes the choice easy in that sense, while Loki would return if he wanted to, he's still too sore to give Asgard anything that they wanted from him. he reminds himself that his mother meant to corrupt the child that he was, but that he was the one who got there first.

he's not sure if he's just not ready to go back to Asgard, or he wanted to stay. either way, he hates someone forcing him to make the choice. ]

But if I went back, it would be to prove them wrong.

[secondnature]

["... to prove them wrong." By not going back, Keith is fairly certain that he is proving them wrong. They wanted him to be Shiro. They may have said differently, but it hadn't taken them long to fall into step with Shiro's decisions instead of Keith's. That's because Shiro was right. Shiro was always right. Keith doesn't even care that he's right. It's just ... he wishes Shiro could be right and be the leader.

Loki being exiled is a big thing, though. He wasn't what they wanted, so he was cast away. That's something that terrifies Keith. He doesn't want to not be enough. And he's not used to caring about not being enough.]

But is it really worth trying to prove anything? You know who you are. It's their fault for not seeing that.

[Keith wishes he could apply these words to himself. He wants to be a part of Team Voltron. He just can't embrace their smiles and congratulations about being asked to lead like they'd want him to.

(And he fails to see how looking down on himself could be a potential sign of quality of leadership.)]

[selfimage]

[ ah, fated words. very mortal words. possibly inspiring words, but they don't hit a chord for Loki. they never have. existence and relationships were always far more complicated not to submit to the burden of proving.

anyone who said differently was a liar. ]

If you thought that, this decision would be easier for you. [ he doesn't sound accusing as much as he sounds matter-of-fact. ] So, yes, it is. Part of being who I am is making certain that those expectations are shattered.

[ his coffee is getting cold, so he drains it. ]

I'm a bit different from you, though—perception defines my existence. You're a mortal, your identity might be sated with your own resolve.

[secondnature]

A lot of people gave up on me. [He doesn't specify when or why. Anyone who spends five minutes with Keith can understand why he would get under their skin. As much as he wants to do good, sometimes he has a difficult time conceptualizing that in words. When something feels right, he follows his gut. He always has for better or worse.]

Except one guy. He thinks I can do this. And not doing it ... it'd be like letting him down. ["Again" isn't spoken, but there's clearly a precedent here, a fear in place for not wanting to let him down. They've spoken about it before, but Keith is so malleable that what Loki says for himself seems like it applies to Keith.

(But then, Keith has always been a little selfish.)]

I don't feel resolved toward anything except running right now.

[selfimage]

[ Loki sighs and sets the cup aside, running his fingers back through his hair. he takes a few step closer, looking over his shoulder like someone could be watching him before turning back to Keith.

he has a reputation to keep. ]

Only you know what you can do for you, good or bad. [ his green eyes shift again, and return. ] In the end, there's always someone to let down, and always someone to prove wrong. There is no pleasing everyone.

You have to do good by yourself, first. Getting the two mixed up ... ah, well—that gets dangerous. [ there's a tilt of his head. ] Sometimes running away is the best thing you can do.

[secondnature]

I should have it all figured out already. We talked about it before. Nothing's changed. [That's not a way of dismissing Loki's words. Keith just doesn't want to say that running away sounds bad. He knows he yelled at Pidge for trying to do the very same thing, and she had more reason to do it at the time. He barely listened to Lance's concerns about the team having too many people because it just ... it didn't matter. Everything would work itself out.

But the longer he waits for that to happen within himself, it doesn't seem to want to happen. Not on its own. And that's hard for him to handle.]

[selfimage]

[ Loki huffs a little and a ghost of a smile shadows his face.

Keith had changed, just not where he wanted to, not where he expected to. surprisingly, it doesn't seem to test Loki's patience. it might have, sometime in the past. ]

Really? A lot has changed, but you're just resisting it. There's a time to hold on, and a time to be stubborn, just ... don't let it destroy you.

[ there's a pause and a shrug. ]

I think you know what you need to do. What are you afraid of?

[secondnature]

[Keith decides to go with his gut on this answer. It's that or dwell in silence, saying nothing. That won't help anyone. It's what he wants to do, but he hates this twisting uncertainty in his stomach. He hates all of this. Keith likes making a decision and getting on with it, and this is why: because it's easier to bypass the consequences if you just blaze right by them.

So, he says:]

That I won't go back.

[His lips twist downward.]

Eventually ... it's gonna be way too late to.

[selfimage]

[ mortals always strived over time, Loki did too, but for a different reason. lives were so short, so fleeting, yet fumbling to make some kind of impact. by human standards, Keith was young, but yet here he stood, struggling with time. ]

Maybe, but maybe not.

[ Loki holds up his hands to signify "Oska." ]

The multiverse is a big place, it would be a shame not to see what it has to offer.

[secondnature]

Honestly, I just wish it had more quiet places to offer. Everywhere we go is so loud. [If only they had more opportunities for peace and quiet. The woods by Oska have been nice, but it's not like they ever spent much time there.]

Uh, not that that's your ... point. [Keith doesn't bother to look sheepish, though.

Loud things are loud.

Like Loki.

He's also loud.]

[selfimage]

[ there's a low hum in his throat. ]

No, that's not my point.

[ his voice says Keith, Keith, Keith. ]

You can do what you want to do, or you can do what everyone else wants you to do. Perhaps things won't be the same when you return, but ... you don't break free from a cage by clinging to the bars.

[ instead, you own it, who and what you are, and what you've done. Loki had always mixed up the things that happened to him with his own identity, and sorting that all out again had been a web of complexity that he never wanted.

or perhaps he did.

it's always hard to tell. ]

[secondnature]

[Thinking of it as a cage is weird for him, in part because he's pretty certain that he was caught in a cage before he became a paladin. It was one of his own making, the end result of a life where he just never had enough people (where he didn't let himself have enough people). It's odd now. He's afraid of letting people down, but the drive toward that is ...

Well, it's all about him.

He said he'd give up his ties to his past for Voltron. Now he won't give up what he's needed for now?]

Shiro's expectations aren't a cage. [Keith needs to say that out loud.] You never knew me before I was a paladin. [Not that that matters—and he isn't going to explain himself, either. Keith doesn't want to divulge any anecdotes about how he pushed people away.]

I've changed since then. I think that's all I have to remember. Maybe I am doing this because I'm afraid of being a leader. But maybe it doesn't matter, so long as I go eventually.