epidemiology | [closed] BOUNTY DOUBLE FEATURE

[Irrigation solutions aren't exactly Fiona's forte, and she finds herself a little perplexed as they trudge away from the farmhouse, following the river toward where the imps are supposed to be clustered. She's put her noble disguise away because she's not about to get it dirty after how expensive it was, and instead is wearing a yukata in the dumbest patterned fabric she could find, because of course she is.]

Okay. Game plan, [she says, looking over at Rhys sidelong.] Are we murdering them? We could just murder them. [She means the imps. They could just murder the farmers too. Obviously she wouldn't, but it's not like they're unmurderable.]

Unless you have some kind of idea of how to fix this without murder.

Oh, my god. Typical Pandoran. Always resorting to murder as the first plan.

[ He is disgusted! Not that he has any other ideas, but he at least had the decency not to immediately suggest murdering them. He was going to at least wait five minutes before he did that. Because he's classy. ]

We could... pay them off. Do imps like money? I don't know, I'm not an impologist.

[Look, murder is a fine plan. It gets the job done. If the job can be solved with murder. Which, in Pandora, it usually can.

Screwing up her mouth, she pauses a second to bring the dossier up on the magitek.] Surprisingly, it doesn't say. [This is not surprising, she's being sarcastic. It's not exactly pertinent to the mission, so obviously it wouldn't be in here.]

They're "close to sapient," though. So maybe... shiny things...

[ Why did she make the effort to bring up her dossier. He hates her, that was so stupid. ]

Would they even understand it was, like— a bribe to not come back anymore? Or would they just take it and come back tomorrow?

[ He screws up his face in thought; it's very dashing of him. Honestly, he'd feel worse killing a bunch of almost sapient creatures than fully sapient or not at all sapient ones. It's right at the sweet spot where they're not sapient enough to be assholes, but they're still too smart to be mean to. ]

I don't know, maybe we should just... observe them for a second or two. I wanna see what they're like before I make a decision. [ Because HE is the decision-maker here, obviously. ]

[Coming from a city inside a cave, Fiona is not really a heights person. She's also not really a bird person, as she associates flying things with rakks, which nobody needs in their life. Particularly not in a closed-in area like this.

Still, she sucks it up and climbs up the ladder after Vaughn, poking her head up through the hatch. She's wearing, like, a beekeeper's helmet -- complete with screen -- because she doesn't trust these birds, but she is trying.]

So... baby birds. They can't, uh... fly yet. Right?

[Dashing Rhys for sure over here. She sighs exasperatedly, like she is so long-suffering putting up with this wimp who needs to think before he does anything, but throws her hands up in the air in surrender.]

Fine. We can "observe" them. But start making a mental inventory of shiny things; I'm not writing off the bribery thing yet. [Maybe they can relocate them... bodily... and then give them shiny stuff?? As payment.]

Okay, um. ...Your earring?

[ It's all he can think of. He's just trying to help! Honestly, he's not so sure a group of river imps will be interested in jewelry, anyway, but he'll have to see just how animalistic they look first. Once they get close enough that the imps are in sight, he ducks down behind a boulder (the only thing big enough to fit his limbs behind) and yanks Fiona down, too. Even if she was already going to come down of her own volition. ]

Get down, I'm trying to do recon.

[Her earring, that is her magitek!! They'll probably take it out of her salary or something. She assumes. Maybe they can just ask Hathaway to rift them down some aluminum foil or something.

The yanking is unnecessary, and she nearly shoves him out of reflex, but that would obviously send him flying out from behind the boulder and negate the whole "hiding" thing. Instead, she gives him a look that basically translates to MURDER.]

Don't say "recon," you sound like an idiot. [She peeks over the boulder.] I can barely see anything from here. Use your thing.

[ this guy, on the other hand, is jumping right into the deep end as usual. heights? whatever. birds of prey? no big deal. plus, they're probably cute. sort of. ]

Prrrobably not? I dunno, this isn't exactly my area of expertise, either. I'd be more worried about losing a finger, but I'm sure we'll be fine. Worst case scenario, I throw up a shield and we get the hell out of here.

[ he likes to feel useful. ]

You sound like a— shut up.

[ He furrows his brow at her, confused. Thing, what thing? It takes him a few more seconds before it dawns on him; right, that thing. ] It's called an ECHO eye. Learn the terminology. [ She's only known about it for years now. Get with the times.

He peeks around the boulder, scanning the imps. He could also use his brain, but meh. ] Um, okay. It looks like they live here, that's why they build the dams.

Really --? [she starts, having assumed that since Vaughn is from one of the Edens or wherever, he just knows all about those kind of garden planet animals. Like birds. Every bird.

Maybe that's planetist though, so she shakes her head and cautiously climbs up through the hatch, immediately kicking it closed so none of the falcons fly out.]

Losing a finger, great. Maybe we can just, like... throw the food at them. Underhand, you know. [A gentle throw.]

[And she's been calling it a thing for years, he needs to learn to accept the Fiona terminology. The Fionology.]

What are they doing? Just... hanging out? We can't murder them if they're just living here. [As if Rhys was the one who was on Team Just Murder 'Em.]

...I wasn't holding a gun to their heads.

[ Why is she acting like he was just about to murder them? She's the murdery one. He's only the complicit one, usually. He just lets murder happen, for the most part. Except for all those times he actually did murder people, but he tries not to think about those.

He stops scanning the imps and turns to face her, worrying his lip. ]

Kicking innocent creatures out of their homes feels sort of like a cartoon villain thing to do.

[Don't call her a cartoon villain, you dink! She's gonna slap him, just slap him to the moon.

Frowning back at him, she shakes her head.]

Yeah... but, okay. [She peeks up over the boulder again, squinting as the imps go about their imp-y business, carrying sticks or whatever they're doing.] How do we get rid of the dam? Without... disrupting their. Habitat. Or whatever.

Um.

[ God, okay. Have some ideas, idea man. He can do it. There are little imp families on the line. ]

Okay, we... build them houses. No, that's terrible. ...It's terrible, right, that couldn't work? No, it's terrible. [ Neither of them know carpentry, anyway. It would be a mess. ] We're going to have to move them, then, I guess. Like, Pied Piper them or something?

I don't know, you probably shouldn't take my knowledge of wildlife too seriously. I was a bit of an indoor kid. Shocking, I know, but try not to scare the birds with your astonishment.

[ because he has absolutely no idea what would happen. ]

That's probably a good way to start. Less chance of dismemberment. Usually a good thing.

Pied Piper them. [God, he's so dumb. She knows what he means, though, and she frowns in thought.]

Okay, but... what'll keep them from just coming back? And building a new dam. -- oh! We could build a new dam? Like, a better dam. [Which is exactly what he said, but they're not houses. It can't be that hard to just slap a mound of sticks together, right.] Can you... look at how they constructed it?

Like a dam, Fiona. They constructed it like a dam.

[ He shrugs, throwing his arms out. ] —I don't know, I didn't go to imp dam college. [ What does she want from him? ...Oh, she probably wants him to scan it, doesn't she. He realizes this only after making an idiot of himself, and he's already committed to that, so he says, ] Wait, I just got an idea. ...Absolutely no thanks to you at all.

[ He glances back over to the imps, scanning their dam and frowning. ] Ohhh, this looks complicated, [ he groans under his breath, then adds, turning back to Fiona, ] First things first, we're gonna need, like, a bunch of logs. Soooo...

[ He stares at her expectantly. She's the more lumberjack-y of the two, she should know where to get wood (haha). ]

[She makes an over the top, shocked expression at this totally unforeseen development -- Vaughn? An indoor kid?? Impossible.]

Alright, well. Let's get to it. [After looking around for a second, she finds a bucket of... delicious-looking assorted meat. Bits. It's like offal or something. Hoisting up the bucket, she follows Vaughn over.]

Oookay. Dig in?

[She stares back at him for a second expectantly, waiting for him to finish his thought... then realizes he did just finish his thought and rolls her eyes, curling her lip.]

You're impossible. [Impossibly WEAK. She ducks away so she can creep back a bit, motioning for him to follow her.] I don't have anything to get logs with. We'll have to go back to the farmhouse, maybe I can sweet talk them into giving us supplies.

[Fiona is not a really big fan of tea, but it's apparently a super important part of Hanabiran culture -- enough where she's hoping she'll get a nice, fat reward for tracking this shipment down. Maybe a castle. (Probably not a castle.)

She's just left the tea seller further up the road and is trotting back to retrace her steps when she sees a familiar pink haircut coming her way.]

Zarya! Hey. [She slows down and waves.] How are you at investigation?

[ He follows her, albeit much less gracefully, as he has far more unwieldy limbs than she does. And just far more limbs in general. So much limb. ]

Ha. Sweet-talk. Okay. This I'd love to see. Dooo you have a plan for what you're even going to say, or are you just going to go in there and wing it? [ He pauses, then says, ] Why am I even asking, you're going to wing it, aren't you.

[ funny how he would have been so grossed out by this before he spent some time on Pandora. he doesn't even bat an eye now. how's that for character development? ]

Mmm, roadkill. And it smells just as delicious as it looks. [ he reaches into the bucket and grabs a piece of who-knows-what, holding it for a moment before tossing it at the birds. ] Nature sure is majestic, don't you think?

[ Zarya pauses to be hailed, not at all bothered to keep the giant sack of rice she'd been hauling over one shoulder, and is quick to start on a broad smile to see a familiar face — but the question put to her pauses it. ]

Investigation? [ She asks it with some wariness. Honestly, why is she everyone's go-to lately for this? Does she look like a detective? ] I have some experience. Why?

[Once she's close enough to Zarya to hold a normal conversation, she pauses to look at the gigantic bag she's holding, raises her eyebrows silently, then continues.]

Beeecause. I just got a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and you're the first person I saw! Sooo, what do you say we team up, just two hyper-competent women tracking down a very important missing shipment of, uh... goods. Important goods. Which involves a handsome reward!

[She might be trying to talk this up to make it a little more exciting, mostly because it's going to be hella boring if she searches for a bunch of missing tea by herself, she is aware.]

[closed] BOUNTY DOUBLE FEATURE

for rhys: dam imps

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for vaughn: in one basket

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for zarya: tea-m work

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