epidemiology | [closed] BOUNTY DOUBLE FEATURE

You sound like a— shut up.

[ He furrows his brow at her, confused. Thing, what thing? It takes him a few more seconds before it dawns on him; right, that thing. ] It's called an ECHO eye. Learn the terminology. [ She's only known about it for years now. Get with the times.

He peeks around the boulder, scanning the imps. He could also use his brain, but meh. ] Um, okay. It looks like they live here, that's why they build the dams.

[And she's been calling it a thing for years, he needs to learn to accept the Fiona terminology. The Fionology.]

What are they doing? Just... hanging out? We can't murder them if they're just living here. [As if Rhys was the one who was on Team Just Murder 'Em.]

...I wasn't holding a gun to their heads.

[ Why is she acting like he was just about to murder them? She's the murdery one. He's only the complicit one, usually. He just lets murder happen, for the most part. Except for all those times he actually did murder people, but he tries not to think about those.

He stops scanning the imps and turns to face her, worrying his lip. ]

Kicking innocent creatures out of their homes feels sort of like a cartoon villain thing to do.

[Don't call her a cartoon villain, you dink! She's gonna slap him, just slap him to the moon.

Frowning back at him, she shakes her head.]

Yeah... but, okay. [She peeks up over the boulder again, squinting as the imps go about their imp-y business, carrying sticks or whatever they're doing.] How do we get rid of the dam? Without... disrupting their. Habitat. Or whatever.

Um.

[ God, okay. Have some ideas, idea man. He can do it. There are little imp families on the line. ]

Okay, we... build them houses. No, that's terrible. ...It's terrible, right, that couldn't work? No, it's terrible. [ Neither of them know carpentry, anyway. It would be a mess. ] We're going to have to move them, then, I guess. Like, Pied Piper them or something?

Pied Piper them. [God, he's so dumb. She knows what he means, though, and she frowns in thought.]

Okay, but... what'll keep them from just coming back? And building a new dam. -- oh! We could build a new dam? Like, a better dam. [Which is exactly what he said, but they're not houses. It can't be that hard to just slap a mound of sticks together, right.] Can you... look at how they constructed it?

Like a dam, Fiona. They constructed it like a dam.

[ He shrugs, throwing his arms out. ] —I don't know, I didn't go to imp dam college. [ What does she want from him? ...Oh, she probably wants him to scan it, doesn't she. He realizes this only after making an idiot of himself, and he's already committed to that, so he says, ] Wait, I just got an idea. ...Absolutely no thanks to you at all.

[ He glances back over to the imps, scanning their dam and frowning. ] Ohhh, this looks complicated, [ he groans under his breath, then adds, turning back to Fiona, ] First things first, we're gonna need, like, a bunch of logs. Soooo...

[ He stares at her expectantly. She's the more lumberjack-y of the two, she should know where to get wood (haha). ]

[She stares back at him for a second expectantly, waiting for him to finish his thought... then realizes he did just finish his thought and rolls her eyes, curling her lip.]

You're impossible. [Impossibly WEAK. She ducks away so she can creep back a bit, motioning for him to follow her.] I don't have anything to get logs with. We'll have to go back to the farmhouse, maybe I can sweet talk them into giving us supplies.

[ He follows her, albeit much less gracefully, as he has far more unwieldy limbs than she does. And just far more limbs in general. So much limb. ]

Ha. Sweet-talk. Okay. This I'd love to see. Dooo you have a plan for what you're even going to say, or are you just going to go in there and wing it? [ He pauses, then says, ] Why am I even asking, you're going to wing it, aren't you.

[Once they're far enough away, Fiona straights up and tosses a sarcastic look backwards at Rhys, wrinkling her nose.] Don't trash my method.

[Back at the farmhouse, she does indeed wing it, spinning some ridiculous story about how they need an axe and a wheelbarrow because they need to dismember the imps and cart them off somewhere -- didn't you know? If you leave their intact bodies around, it'll just attract more imps. Like cockroaches.

The story works, and Fiona is whistling, very pleased with herself, as she wheels the wheelbarrow towards a grove of trees nearby.]

How are you handling the axe? If it's too heavy, we could switch.

[ He's practically dragging the axe on the ground, although that's because he's made the stupid mistake of mostly using his real arm to lift it. He could probably put all the weight on his cybernetic arm without much trouble, but like always, he forgets he has one. ]

I'm— handling it fine, thank you. [ Don't you patronize him. Once they make it to the tree, he makes a big show of being totally confident with the axe, even though it still feels like it weighs about a million pounds. He hefts it up to hack at a branch, but... misses, sticking it right in the tree trunk instead, where it stays, completely stuck. Goddammit. He pulls on the handle insistently, placing his foot up on the trunk for leverage. ] I'm handling it so good!!! This is what I meant to do!!!

[Oh my god, this baby manchild. Fiona just kind of hangs back and watches this... majestic, manly display, leaning one hand on the wheelbarrow.] Wow, whoa. I need to fan myself a little bit. That was capital-H hot.

[Just kidding, it was dumb. Anyway, she sashays over and nudges him so she can get at the axe instead. Not that Fiona is particularly Buff or anything, so they may just have to leave it there and break off twigs with their hands like peasants.]

Let me try, move.

Shut up.

[ It would have been capital-H Hot if it worked out like he was planning! It just turns out that it's harder to predict a heavy axe's trajectory than he thought; it has a little bit of a mind of its own. He does step aside a little bit, although not entirely. ]

Here, let's do it together. Divided we fall, united we stand. Teamwork makes the dream work. Clear skies, full hearts, can't lose.

"Clear skies, full hearts"...? [He's a walking motivational poster.

She shakes her head and ignores it, gripping the axe handle and planting her feet firmly in the ground for balance.]

Okay, ready? One, two...

Wait, on three, or after—? [ he asks, talking over her, although he then goes ahead and says, ] Okay, fuck it.

[ It helps to have a robotic arm, because his noodle arm isn't helping very much here; when they pull, though, they do manage to get it out of the tree, although he's trying so hard he ends up almost thwacking them both in the face with the butt of the axe. ]

Yes, okay, maybe you should... handle the axe part. And I can start working on plans for building the thing.

[Ow, her face!! Almost. Fiona stumbles a little when Rhys overcompensates, then gives him a little bit of the evil eye because her face is her bread and butter, don't ruin it.]

Yeah, okay. I'll let you take over the brains department for now. [Because Fiona is usually the brains and brawn, that's what she's saying.

She doesn't have a ton of experience felling trees -- her survival skills have to do more with the desert and, like, dumpster diving -- but she gets the hang of it quickly, chopping at some little baby trees.]

[ As Fiona lumberjacks over there, Rhys gets to work planning out a new dam for the imps, trying to figure out how to make it as realistic as possible. He goes through a face journey over there, but don't mind him. ]

If we make it look similar enough, do you think we can just... I don't know, um. Knock them out and put them over there and they won't know the difference? That sounds bad.

[Eventually, Fiona has, like, a triumphant pile of sticks. She's very pleased with herself for lumberjacking, don't make fun of her.]

I feel like that might end up in, like, rabies. Getting rabies. [Getting IMP RABIES.] Let's just leave snacks around and then knock their old shit down once they're lured over.

[Which is more humane, or something.]

[closed] BOUNTY DOUBLE FEATURE

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject