EVENT ▸ RETURN TO HQ

[futurologists]

RETURN TO HQ After a tough mission, it's time to return to Headquarters for a well-earned rest. Hathaway's medics and healers are there to patch up any lingering injuries (as are any teammates with healing abilities!), everyone's room is tidied up for them, and the entirety of Hathaway HQ is ripe for exploring. Take your time -- you earned it. Also sharing downtime at HQ are Guilds Horatio, Montague, and Watchman, composed of humanoids of various shapes and sizes. Temporary pop-up shops down in the promenade include a spa where one can get a manicure, pedicure, or other beautifying procedures; a yoga studio; and an imported salt cave for meditation. After a few days of silent relaxation, members of Guild Ophelia will all receive a text message on their magitek from Imogen -- their Guild Master, if they don't remember. Imogen, while not directly involved in any world-saving affairs, has a rather sizable amount of inheritance that she puts towards the Hathaway cause. Specifically, she uses it to finance Ophelia's endeavors. This sort of makes her in charge, or as much in charge of this rag-tag team as any one person can be. Hello, Ophelia! Once again, allow me to congratulate you on your successful mission in Hanabira. I hear the wedding went smashingly. Hathaway's analysts should rift down someone to check in on your success in several years, but the mathematicians are confident your solution has brought peace to the region. One should never rest on their laurels, however. From what I've seen in magitek messages, this guild is sorely lacking in the ability to work together and trust all guildmates, regardless of who they are. I've spotted more than a few barbs exchanged. Hanabira will be only an exception if you continue to behave this way. We'll be conducting guild bonding exercises today. While they are not mandatory, I assure you I've procured incentive for you all to participate. It isn't cheap to finance your exploits, and I won't spend my resources on a group of ruffians slinging insults at each other. Meet by the memorial fountain in one hour, and do try to bring a positive attitude. Your Guild Master, Imogen Those who choose to participate will find Imogen, a very prim and graceful elf dressed in elaborately embroidered robes, standing near the fountain. She greets everyone by name -- "nice to see you" and "glad you could make it" -- before directing them to the training rooms on the upper deck. The training rooms include run-of-the-mill exercise equipment and the training simulation room, both of which are free to use by participants and non-participants alike. A tall, strong-looking man whom some may recognize as their recruiter is making use of the equipment. His name is Khalef, and he is happy to answer questions about the training facilities or anything else about Hathaway. Between exercises, Imogen is available at the memorial fountain to chat but she's otherwise busy with paperwork. ▸ SECRETS Two partners sit in a room furnished only with two (very comfy, if it matters) chairs and a table between them. On the table sits -- floats, really -- a colorful orb, softly glowing. It is comfortably warm to the touch. The instructions automatically flash across the participants' magitek, thanking them for participating and asking them both to answer the following questions with complete honesty to gain the most from this exercise. Then, the first question pops up: What is something you like about your exercise partner? It seems simple enough. If a participant tells the truth, they will notice the orb's glow brightening, almost as if it is starting to flame. If a participant lies, they will notice the orb's glow dimming. Otherwise, there is no penalty for lying. The questions slowly get more personal, with the aim of getting the two partners to open up to each other: If a crystal ball could tell you the future, what would you want to know? What’s the one thing you would like to change about yourself? What are you most proud of accomplishing? What do you think existed before the universe was created? What do you think is the worst crime a human could commit? Do you think jealousy has value in driving people to improve themselves, or is it a purely negative emotion? If you could start your life over, what would you do differently? If you were given only one week to live, how would you spend it? Who had the greatest impact on your life? What was it? What’s the difference between justice and revenge? Is it possible to live a normal life and not ever tell a lie? Do the ends justify the means? Are some people’s lives worth more than others? Why or why not? Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share..." If a loved one died, but someone created a perfect copy, would they be the same person and would you love them just as much? If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. ( Mod note: the above are just ideas! You can pick and choose, or come up with your own. Whatever is most fun for you! ) If the two partners truthfully answer their questions, the orb will eventually catch fire, although it will curiously still remain only pleasantly warm if anyone attempts to touch it. It will blaze until it burns out, leaving two small marble replicas in its place. When one of the partners grasps it in their hand, they will be able to see through the other partner's eyes for one minute (although they will not be aware of their own surroundings, so you might want to be in a safe area). The other partner will be aware of this and able to sever the link by removing the marble from their person. These items are bound to their owners and cannot be used by others. If one or both partners lie, the orb will eventually fizzle out entirely, and the magitek will inform them that the exercise was failed due to deceit. ▸ RIFTING Next, guild members are directed to the rifting pad located on the upper deck. Technicians scurry about in the rifting area, spinning dials and taking readings, as volunteers are directed to stand on the rifting pad and wait. It's just like rifting to a different universe for a mission -- the world goes bright and then, in a flash, you're standing somewhere else -- except the technicians emphatically explain this is not a mission. It's still part of the training exercise, you see! Participants have been rifted to an unpopulated garden planet, in the middle of a forest clearing. The grass is tall -- nearly 150 cm in height -- and is surrounded on all sides by forest. A notice pops up on your magitek that informs you there is no aggressive local wildlife, but there are aggressive plants: including, unfortunately, your goal for this part of the exercise. Spread throughout the forest are aggressive willow trees, sentient flora that will lash out with sharp, clawlike branches at anyone who comes too close. The branches have incredible reach, but the trees have no other defense, and are rooted to the spot so they are also unable to maneuver. The goal of the exercise is to gather as many willow seeds as possible, ostensibly without hurting the trees themselves. Willow seeds are around the size of a small marble and have a fluffy attachment that will allow them to blow away on the wind; you can scour the forest in search of them, of course, but the highest concentration is below the willows themselves. Once participants feel they have gathered enough seeds -- or if they simply want to give up -- they need only speak to the rift technicians via magitek and they will return back to Headquarters immediately. The participants will each receive a pot of soil and a seed to plant within it. The plant that sprouts from it will be no ordinary plant; it will require no water to sustain itself, but it will require something else: friendship. As the relationship between the two participants strengthens, the plant will grow, its appearance representing how the other participant feels about the plant owner -- pink and red blooms may represent romantic love, whereas bright, multi-colored petals may simply represent a strong friendship or budding blooms may represent... well, a budding friendship. (Of course, there's no "flower guide", so it's up to them to decide how to interpret this.) As the relationship weakens, the plant will wilt and, if the relationship turns sour enough, die. So take care of your relationship and take care of your plant! ▸ COMPOSURE This exercise completed, participants are free to return to the first deck and go about their business. But on the elevator back down from the rifting pad, the elevator suddenly jerks violently and then stalls. You're stuck! The emergency button doesn't seem to be working, no matter how many times you press it. And for that matter, no messages seem to be going through the magitek, either. You're effectively trapped in here with whomever you stepped aboard -- a friend, an acquaintance, or even a stranger. But don't panic -- surely Hathaway hired you for your ingenuity and not just your pretty face, right? The elevator can be broken out of in a number of ways: If you brute strength the doors open, you'll find that the elevator is stuck halfway between floors. This means that you must either climb up or down to escape the narrow opening, and, if your partner isn't the athletic type, help them out as well. If you hack the elevator's control panel (prying the panel door off first, obviously), you may be able to guide it up and down the shaft. Depending on your expertise in this sort of thing, the ride may be jerky and uncomfortable, and there's always a risk of the elevator plummeting down to the bottom if you lose control -- although strangely, there's never any impact if this happens, only the elevator springing back up the shaft after the fall. Either way, you should be able to figure out how to get the doors open. If you open the access hatch at the top of the elevator, you'll be granted access to the elevator shaft. It's a dimly lit tunnel of cables and wires, and unless you're lucky enough to find a service ladder in the midst of all of it, you'll have to use the cables to climb. It's dangerous -- you could lose your footing at any moment and slam back down onto the elevator below -- but you should be able to find a door eventually. And then it's only a matter of figuring out how to get it open. Or you could try a combination of these, or something entirely different! No matter what method you choose, once you find your way onto solid ground, your magitek will light up: Congratulations! You passed the final exercise. Rest assured, you were never in any real danger, I promise! Your Guild Master, Imogen Indeed, if you found yourself falling too far down the shaft, you would have found yourself instantly buffeted by invisible winds to keep your landing soft -- and if you found yourself unable to find a way to escape within two hours, the elevator would automatically start up again. Those who succeed will receive a flashlight that does not seem to work at first; however, it is capable of taking and storing light from its immediate surroundings, which it can then release into similar light sources or, in the absence of those, floating orbs of light. It is incapable of taking light out of an entire building, for an example, but can darken a room. ▸ OOC NOTES If you have questions about this log, please direct them to this comment on the plotting post. Questions about the game in general can be directed to the FAQ. ▸ Up now: Hanabira Bounty Board is still open! Bounties must be turned in by the start of the next mission on 15 April. Congratulations, Guild Ophelia now has an official uniform! The uniforms may be modified in any way characters like. The FAQ and Headquarters pages have been updated to include the uniform information. ▸ Coming next: 25 March: Mandatory How's My Driving meme. Participation is required to pass March AC. 28 March: April calendar, including news about apps. 01 April: March AC begins, ending on 5 April 23:59 UTC. ▸ Plotting ▸ Hathaway Headquarters ▸ Hanabira Bounty Board ▸ March Calendar

Comments

[sololoquy]

[In this, it is perhaps most obvious where their life experiences differ. Where Rey sees value, Kylo Ren only sees exploitation. She speaks of protection and sanctuary, but he cannot conceive of those things coming from other people. Even having witnessed it, in the form of Rey coming to protect him from Loki’s wrath — she’d been protecting herself.]

You cannot rely on others to give you purpose.

[He hesitates in sharing this with her. It was a recently learned lesson — taught by failure, and in part by Loki. Living up to Darth Vader’s legacy...not only was it impossible, but he was chaining himself to expectations.

It feels a little too close to truths that he doesn’t want to acknowledge. But it is also a fact he cannot shy from — not anymore.]

You will only find disappointment there waiting for you.

[forcevisions]

[ So he says in the same breath that he shows how badly he yearns to give her some kind of guidance. Rey cannot help but think in this, Ben is sorely lacking in self awareness. However, she's not an idiot. She can trace this back to his sudden professed desire to murder Snoke with her. He regrets dedicating himself to another like that.

He doesn't see that the purpose she speaks of isn't just the Resistance's values adopted as her own — firstly because they were always her values; secondly because it's more about finding value and purpose in compassion, in protecting those people, rather than making those people themselves into her purpose. It's a distinction she could never articulate, and so she doesn't try. ]

Only if you pick people who disappoint you.

[ Rey straightens to her full height and reaches up to touch the side of his face, no longer gentle in the way she insinuates their relationship into this. Her eyes dart all over his face, trying hard to read him visually, and in doing so, she taps automatically into the Force, reaches across the bond as well.

As far as she's concerned, that's Obviously what this is really about — his concern that Thrawn will use her against him, whether via her weaknesses or something else. The subject at hand is ostensibly his own fear that he cannot depend on others, that doing so would only be a weakness to be exploited. Maybe it's not even a conscious projection, but for Rey, it's clear as day. ]

I won't.

[ And she was sure now that Poe and Finn and Keith wouldn't disappoint her either. Not in the long run. Not in the way that leaves scars for decades.

But she's not really thinking about them just now. In fact, most of her brain power seems officially dedicated to resisting the magnetic pull she feels. It's not unlike that night in Doro's castle before it went Terribly Wrong. (Is that the Force too? Or is that just them? The uncertainty is no small part of what gives her the resolve to restrain herself.)

At least Rey's self restraint is a) better than Poe's, and b) offering Ben the chance to Get Away. ]

[sololoquy]

[Well, that sure is a lot all at once.

She rises too quickly for him to put any real distance back in between them. He still sets his weight on his back foot when her hand finds his face, shoulders locking instinctively. But instead of avoiding her eyes as he usually does, he holds them firmly — uncomfortable with the way she reaches for him, but trusting that she isn’t seeking harm as several other parts have. But even as she reaches for his face, he feels something twist uncomfortably in his stomach and his chest.

He wants so badly for what she claims to be true, but has simultaniously convinced himself that nobody would ever be capable of it. The conflict of his desires crackles inside of him and momentarily stuns him to silence.

Nothing she guesses at is wrong, but promises simply couldn’t be enough for how torn apart he’s found himself as a result of all those that had been broken already.]

And when I disappoint you?

[Not if. The wounds are fresh — not just from her, but from Snoke. Older wounds, like those from Luke and his parents. To him, it is inevitable, and though it stokes at his bitterness, he believes it bares repeating. Failure followed him like a specter, no matter how hard he fought to overcome it.]

[forcevisions]

[ The conflict in him has rarely been so palpable as in this moment. Perhaps because of the way she reaches for him with her mind as well as her hand. She's seeking it out. It's a wonder he can bear all that weight, truthfully, without being crushed, but he's a survivor. Like her. He found ways to adapt to what he had to survive; it was just different than hers.

She feels compassion for that. Understands how a life lived trying to survive disappointment and betrayal and misery and the Dark would leave its scars. She did not come to him because he understood her joy, after all.

Sympathy twists in her expression. When he asks that, she can see the cracks that run through him. They're wide enough that they expose the frightened boy for what he is, wounded by disappointment after disappointment. Luke had blinded himself to that boy and seen only a monster, a weapon, a trophy until it was too late. Likely Snoke had done the same. They wanted Ben's power; he was an inconvenience that came with it.

Rey's not much with words. She spends a moment working through some, trying to find the right thing to say, the right way to make him believe that she won't just turn her back when it's convenient. But he's asking this question ever after everything in Doro's castle. Words won't convince him. Telling him that she has suffered disappointment before — Devi and Strunk, her parents, even Finn when he'd left on Takodana — and forgiven it, always forgiven it, that won't mean anything.

But she's patient. She doesn't mind waiting and hoping that one day he will believe her if she just keeps showing him.

Her lips press together, giving up on speech. She pulls her lower lip between her teeth briefly, suddenly conscious of how dry her lips are as he looks at her. There's a warmth spreading in her chest and rising up her throat that she hasn't felt before, but it brings with it decisiveness.

It's hard to lean up to him. Though she's never considered herself short, he's taller than her by what feels like a mile. She braces her free hand on his chest and strains on the balls of her feet to bridge the distance.

And in place of reply, Rey presses an earnest kiss to his mouth.

The kiss is mostly chaste, though clumsy enough to make evident that she's never done this before. It begs for more faith than that in her, and cuts through all those complications as recklessly as Rey can. She prefers things straightforward. ]

Yup. That's me. You're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation.

[sololoquy]

[He senses her intent before she acts. He has ample time to stop her -- but he is so busy thinking about the fact that he could stop this that he doesn't think about whether or not he should -- or how. When he finds his conclusion, her lips are already there, and his reaction plan slips through his fingers like sand.

This is perhaps one of the things in life that is most beyond his ken. He never really had a reaction plan, because displays of -- affection? Trust? Belief? All of these things are foreign, uncomfortable, and new. He's only ever witnessed them as a third party, or as parodies of the emotion they were meant to convey. Lies. Deceptions.

But as Rey lifts herself, bracing her weight against his chest and on the balls of her feet, he understands that this has been stirring for some time. This is not deception -- its honest. He remembers, while she kisses him, when he had deliberately made attempts to cause her discomfort when he first recognized the signs that she found him physically attractive. Even if he hadn't really understood its source -- he would have had to have been blind not to have seen.

And he had encouraged that, knowing. Maybe not really knowing as much as he thought.

Somewhere in the middle of it, his hands had unclasped from the center of his back to catch her at her biceps -- but he cannot bring himself to hold her there or to push her away. Its an effort to take some control, but he doesn't know what to do with it when he has it. In the same way, the kiss is not exactly reciprocated just as he does not attempt to distance himself from it.

The Force betrays him instantly, as does the rest of his expression. His cheeks grow warm to accompany his deer in the headlights sort of look he wears half the time -- where he is focused somewhere inside his own head rather than what is going on right in front of him. He must be imagining this -- why was he imagining this? When had this become something he wanted on this level?

When she finally pulls back, he's left holding her like he's been handed something he doesn't know what to do with, but also something he doesn't want to let go of or give back. It wasn't an answer to his question, not really -- or if he was, he doesn't know how to translate it.

But...something about this answer is better, even if it just leaves him staring at her and struggling to find something to say in the wake of it.]

[forcevisions]

[ She's not afraid of what ifs and whens and disappointment. People disappointing each other feels outside of her control. She has gotten him nearly killed. She has exposed them to Thrawn. And he's not only still here, but he's opened himself to her since then in ways she'd never expected.

So. She's here. Kissing him.

It's not exactly how she'd pictured it. (She had pictured it, yes.) Some part of her had hoped (assumed?) that it would cut through all the muddy uncertainty between them like a knife and everything would come out the other side better, clear, solved. She had at the very least imagined he would kiss her back.

Instead she can feel in him confusion and — not quite panic, but the sort of paralyzed mental shutdown that goes with it. He has even less of an idea what to do with this than she does.

That's what prompts her to pull back and give up hoping that he'll just … go with it. If she waits. She pulls her lower lip back between her teeth, hesitating for a moment, searching his eyes and his face and — he's flushed, a little. Some part of him did want it; she can feel that too.

And she's almost a little amused by that? Enough that she bites down on her lip a little harder to wrestle with a smile. It's a nervous smile, though. He hadn't exactly participated. He might push her away instead. But Rey's an optimist, so she doesn't pull back completely. Settling back on her heels, yes, but keeping close to him.

When a few moments pass without him chasing her off or otherwise repulsing her— ]

If you don't want me to do that again, I won't. [ She doesn't think this is true. Again, Ben has really strong do-not-want reactions to things. Non-reactions are generally positive. ] But ... [ It seemed like the obvious (and failed) way to make him understand. ] I don't give up on the people I care for.

[ Hence the kissing. She cares for him. And — Well, he's seen more than once instances where maybe he wishes she'd give up on someone, but she won't. Not five minutes ago she was like maybe there's still a chance for Thrawn to change his mind ... She's no good at it. That applies to him now too.

[sololoquy]

[Does he want her to do that again? He's not sure. Some pre-programmed response chastises him for wanting it. You have compassion for her, a scolding growl that might have made him flinch were his mind not already racing a mile a minute.

Even in this, he feels like something of a disappointment -- he has yet to relinquish his hold on her, or to act on it in any fashion. But the more he tries to find some sort of proper follow up, the more he comes up empty, and the worse he feels. She says she won't give up, she's even sought to show him -- and yet...

He knows at least one thing -- distance is not what he wants. Not anymore, not right now. Awkwardly, he pulls her back toward him, enveloping her smaller shoulders with his large gangly arms. While he is too lost to return the kiss she presented him with, he finds himself clinging to her as if she might slip away.

There is an underlying fear there, but one that he accepts rather than one that comes upon him suddenly. A fear that was always there, but that he stops shying from.

The silence stays. That piece that eats at him thinks him a fool for chasing that validation in her would no doubt rear its head when proven correct, but its been a stressful month. And yes -- he is weak, hiding his face over her shoulder so she can't see how desperate he is too.]

[forcevisions]

[ She feels a fraction of the shock he'd experienced when he pulls her in, encircling her in his arms. The warmth of his embrace surprises her. The sturdiness of his arms. She turns her face into his chest, savoring this. His tunic smells like sweat and burnt ozone and beneath that is just him.

Where he was paralyzed, though, she reciprocates. Her arms wrap tightly around his middle, pulling him tight against her. Her splayed palms settle on his back and she can feel the tension in the muscles there, stoked by conflict and by fear.

In all these ways, this embrace is a closeness like she has never known, an intimacy that has been absent from her life even despite the friends she has made in ALASTAIR and Hathaway, since coming away from Jakku. It's not just companionship; it's a charged sort of intimacy that makes her keenly aware not just of his feelings, but of his body against hers.

And of his skin touching hers where his bare hands grip her shoulders.

Rey's grip tightens on the back of his tunic, fists balling around the fabric to hold him for dear life. Clinging, yes. That's the word for it. She recalls the vision the Force had sent her, so nebulous, more feeling than fact, but she leans on it now. Maybe that's why he is so afraid, and she isn't. The Force showed her. ]

I won't turn my back. [ She whispers it now, a comfort for them both. ] We won't be alone again. [ Never again. Everything will be okay. She's sure of it. ]

[sololoquy]

[The longer the embrace persists, the more he relaxes. The warmth shared between them alongside her pretty promises eases some of his fear. Somewhere in between, he has shifted for comfort’s sake, and their breathing has synchronized. The intimacy of it scratches at the back of his neck, reminding him just how grossly he has overstepped his own boundaries.

Slowly, Kylo Ren unwinds himself — like peeling away a dried bandage away from wounded skin. He dares to meet her eyes, searching then for any sign that he’d somehow done something wrong. She is graced with the sight of his own, dark and slightly glassy against his reddened face.

The promises she makes could only be kept so long as their enemies were kept at bay, and she’s given him the resolve to put forth every effort to ensure that was so.]

Neither will I.

[Because Kylo Ren is incapable of doing things half way. Its a dangerous promise to put in the air like that — perhaps she senses that unhealthy sort of conviction he suddenly feels to the marrow of his bones.]

[forcevisions]

[ Honestly it's for the best that he starts pulling away because Rey wasn't sure she'd have it in her. Especially once he started to relax into it; it's the most at peace she's ever felt him, and for that to come on the heels of the anger he'd visibly taken out on his own quarters … she doesn't want to surrender that.

But she still loosens her grip on him fractionally, hooking her hands behind his waist as she lifts her chin to look up at him.

Some fearful piece of her flares, thinking he's ready to push her away, but it's not that. In his eyes, she sees only vulnerability and resolve. It's what she'd seen in him in that hut on Ahch-to, but magnified. He looks like he might cry, and honestly she's not so far off herself. Her own expression is a heady mix of fulfilled yearning and tearful awe and something torn between affection and desire. This embrace offers a contentment unlike any she's felt.

They're entangled in each other now. If ever there was a chance to extricate themselves from this, to cut through the tangle of the bond and find comfort in their opposite sides, it's gone. Lost with this embrace.

Which makes his next words draw a slight furrow into her brow. Not because of the words themselves, but the conviction she feels in him when he says them. Like he will follow and protect this at any cost. She's known him to be extreme in his feelings and reactions, so it doesn't entirely startle her.

It's probably just the intensity of the moment. It has affected her too. Instead of worrying, she welcomes the warm comfort his promise provides. It's all she'd wanted. They'd take care of each other. And when they went home, they'd destroy Snoke, save Finn, and then Ben would come home with her.

It's her turn to be silent. There's nothing more to say on the subject; they've professed these vows and anything else just feels small in comparison. So she just nods, accepting his promise as truth. And slowly, she starts to actually release him. Look at that. All that self control. ]

[sololoquy]

[His hands slip away, and abruptly grab for her arms as he thinks of one last thing—]

...will you stay?

[He blurts it out before she has a chance to pull away entirely, that fear rising in his throat again. This is uncharted territory for him, and though a piece of him yells for distance, a stronger voice doesn’t want to offer it.

And while they war, he clears his throat and forces out an amendment, in an attempt to appease both halves of his crumbling willpower.]

Just for tonight.

[He remembers the last time he let a jedi anywhere near his sleeping space. Its something of a test for both of them. Could they stand one another’s company for that long or were they kidding themselves? Was the trust they were claiming born of something true, or something desperate?

(Both, probably)]

[forcevisions]

[ She doesn't expect him to grab her — he'd done it and blurted it out in the same instant it occurred to him, and so reading his intent was mostly useless — so it makes her heart jump up in her throat. Ben doesn't know how to do many things gently. He holds her like he's trying to restrain her.

But what he says cuts through that, and she's left staring up at him with wide eyes. Like maybe she must have heard him wrong. And then, when she realizes she hadn't ... For a moment, she's not quite sure what his intentions are there. He'd gone catatonic when she'd kissed him. He couldn't possibly be suggesting —Which, well, yes. He's not. She works through it and finds his meaning.

Comfort. Company. Need. He's never been so forthcoming with it before. She knows what it means to him. She knew what Luke had done. Some part of her thinks maybe this request means she got through to him, just now. ]

Of course.

[ Refusal never even crosses her mind. She thinks of the night of the wedding, feeling his back inches from hers, the ghostly heat of his body. She'd felt that primal, animal desire to curl up against him and share that heat, even as angry as she was with him. Now he's offering the real thing to her. Not a function of the bond.

Her hands settle on his hips instead of pulling back completely. At some point physical contact is going to have to end (maybe?), but this is not that moment. She wants to kiss him again. Only her earlier comment, the way she'd tried to clearly lay out that she needs to know he actually wants it, will actually kiss her back, stops her. Well, that and—

She's inventorying her nightly routine now, recognizing that she doesn't wear pants to sleep and she doesn't have a toothbrush and she hasn't eaten or showered. It doesn't make her want to take back her agreement, but it does have her realizing that there's an intimacy in actually being in each others' company that's radically different than what the Force bond has foisted upon them.

(It's fine. She'll just skip showering and sleep in her clothes and ... ) ]

[sololoquy]

[He glances over his shoulder briefly, as if expecting something to ruin what they’ve carefully constructed. When he is sure the coast is clear, he pulls her back to his chest and rests his chin on the top of her head. His heart races a mile a minute after he processes her agreement — he finds that it is making him a little sick to his stomach. That’s new and unusual.

He can feel her own anxiety thruming between them, and can’t help but wonder if maybe they were making a mistake. Was this the will of the Force, or something else? He will take the night to contemplate it.

For now:]

Will you be missed?

[Because they dont need anyone else keen on...whatever this is.]

[forcevisions]

[ He's shifty and a little paranoid, given that they're already in his quarters where no one would be able to see them like this, but it doesn't dissuade him, so she doesn't comment on it. She settles her arms around him, turning her cheek to his chest to listen to the hammering of his heart.

Is that paranoia, or sentiment? She can't tell. She wants to believe it's the latter. ]

No. [ That sounds a little depressing now that it's out loud. It's not, though. She just has to remind herself that the distance she and Keith are putting between themselves is for the best, and that Finn and Poe have each other and are still excited about that.

Since he's soliciting logic from her now — ] I just didn't bring anything with me. Obviously. [ Which explains all that's rattling around in her head. He, however, remains inscrutable. ]

[sololoquy]

[That is probably problematic. There is a stretch of silence before he answers.]

It is only one night.

[This comes out quieter, like he is still trying to process that she’d agreed at all — that he’d found himself so badly needing something solid to prove that Rey was really on his side. That she was interested in what he wanted, and not anything else that others wanted from him.

He might be in the business of judging her — but for this? Not so much.

Unlike Rey, he hadn’t given much thought to the night of the wedding. To him, it was like any other interruption. But now its hard not to call upon that memory — how he had remembered the unexpected weight on his mattress, how...strained it had felt. Would it be the same tonight? He had not thought that far ahead...or to the fact that he only had one bed in the room.

Whoops. So focused on not fucking it up that he might have fucked it up.

Either way, he recognizes that he has run out of things to say and run out of things keeping him from beginning his own evening routine, so he peels himself away again — a little more confidently this time.]

—you may always return if you must retrieve something.

[Its an awkward silence filler as he retreats for the refresher himself. Maybe he’ll just lock himself in there for a while]

[forcevisions]

[ That's not obvious or anything. Trekking across the Headquarters with an overnight bag stuffed with her toothbrush and whatever else. Surprisingly, it is this moment which solicits the greater caution from her.

She had been ready to tell Keith everything, to try and stumble her way through explaining the bond many times, had afforded little thought until prompted by Ben as to how it could be used as a weapon against them, but the thought of sleeping here drawing attention prompts her to immediate caution.

It looks like she'll have time to weigh that against morning breath, though. He's headed for the refresher. She starts after him, then decides to just … use her words because following him towards the bathroom gives the Wrong Impression. ]

Wait. [ uh. ] Is it alright if I find something here to eat? [ If he's going to invite her to share his bed, he'd better at least share his food. ]

[sololoquy]

[He pauses to blink at her.]

Help yourself.

[There isn’t much there, of course. A mixture of herbal teas and a large selection of quick prep meals — nothing that requires actual engagement or thought on his part. With that communicated, he disappears and closes the door behind him.

Goodbye forever.]

[forcevisions]

[ Brief as ever. She stares at the door for a moment like she's waiting for something more, but … no, that's pretty much it. Her shoulders drop a little bit. The ghost of his warmth around her feels at odds with the perfunctory and evasive escape he'd made to the 'fresher. A little like whiplash. That part of the Ben Solo package apparently isn't going away.

She realizes she's still staring at the door to the 'fresher. Then she realizes he's probably undressing behind the door to the 'fresher, and she turns quickly back to the kitchen, ignoring the way the heat climbs up into her cheeks and even her ears while she starts going through his fridge and cabinets.

They've never shared a meal together either. She doesn't know what to expect. Surely, the relationship that they have, the intimacy they have shared, she should know what he eats. She doesn't. It's another jarring, dissonant note that becomes painfully obvious as she settles on something she can shove in the microwave. It's a convenience meal, but it's still worlds better than anything she ate on Jakku. She'll replace it later, if he gives her the chance.

While it heats, she straightens up the rest of his fit. Tucks sheets back in. Moves his calligraphy set so there's room for her to eat on the table. That sort of thing. She'd always lived in a cramped space; she knew all the ways to make it seem larger. And … she'd gone without, so she knew all the ways to take care of what little she did have. She's not trying to invite herself to his space. Just direct nervous energy somewhere while she thinks it over.

He probably has mouthwash or something. Stuff for the 'fresher. A towel — maybe not spare, but she could use his. Maybe an extra shirt so she doesn't have to sleep in this one, and no one would look twice at her wearing the same outfit two days in a row when she left in the morning anyway. That's just … Rey. So she doesn't strictly have to go back to her room, as long as he's willing to share that too.

The beeping of her food draws her back into the kitchen, and she settles down to eat it. And then, surveying his space as she takes stock of where he'd probably have a spare shirt, she finds herself staring at the bed. The one bed. She moves to the other chair so that her back is to it and to the 'fresher door, thank you very much. She's not going to overthink this.

Has he been in there a while? Around when she finishes eating, it starts feeling like he's been in there a while. ]

[sololoquy]

[The water starts running almost immediately, and keeps running for most of the time Kylo Ren is hidden behind that door. There are occassional interruptions of flow as he makes use of it (to brush his teeth, to wash his face — several times, to get the red out of it and to try and curb the nausea). Somewhere in the middle of it, he hears the microwave beep to confirm that she is still in the room.

He doesn’t think that she will leave, percisely, but now that he has gained some distance, he quickly realizes that he is way out of his depth. His outburst had likely been fueledby Rey’s compassionate heart, so close to his space. The Force Bond was rapidly looping back around to being an inconvenience.

Teeth brushed, face washed, tunic removed and pants replaced; he has no real reason to stay in the refresher any longer. But he spends some time listening to Rey shift around in his room, reaching with the Force for a clearer picture. She is nervous — that is almost a comfort, as much as it makes his nausea worse.

He opens the door and steps out, vaguely aware of the fact that his bare chest will probably elicit a reaction as it usually does. But this was how he slept — and he doesnt really possess any clothing comfortable enough to wear to bed, so he tries not to think too hard about it.

He pauses to glance at Rey at the table, and then slowly moves for the...one bed in the room. Granted, its a very large bed. Kylo Ren was tall, and spent too much of his time in here not to have a large bed. But he has no appetite to eat thanks to all the nervous energy in the room.

He sits on its edge and watches her, back straight, one hand on each knee. He’d imagined it might be easier to relax, now that they’ve passed this strange wall between them but — it isn’t.]

[forcevisions]

[ The sound of the door opening is accompanied by a jump in her pulse. Rey sits up straighter, glancing back over her shoulder and—

Nope.

Not yet. She takes the opportunity to clean up after eating to find her inner peace. Something about Jedi calm. And then she turns to look back at him, feeling like she's ready, and he's just sitting there on the bed staring at her.

The calm lapses. A lump rises in her throat. She makes a sort of croaking noise that tries to be a word, but she hasn't figured out what word it's going to be yet, so it never really had hope of becoming a real sentence anyway.

She should have run while he was in the 'fresher. ]

I'm gonna — [ She gestures to the still-steamy refresher. And then without waiting or asking, she just beelines for it. She had this great plan where she had manners and asked to borrow his shampoo and stuff, but no. ]

[sololoquy]

[She disappears behind the door, and — that’s actually fine. It gives him the opportunity to settle in like he normally does, as if she weren’t there at all. He scoots backwards and turns his back to the door—

But he knows that she is in there. He’d asked her to stay for a reason, after all. So after only a moment, he flips himself over to face the door to wait and see what would happen next. Kylo Ren’s arms have wrapped themselves around a pillow which cushions his head and threatens to pull him into slumber.

Or it might have, if he wasnt so aware of another person in the room, sharing his space and his possessions — he frowns a little, at that. He was never much in the business of sharing, but until he gave it serious thought, the concept hadn’t nevessarily bothered him. Why was that?

Stress level: circular thinking about mundane self discovery.]

[forcevisions]

[ This is the coldest shower Rey has ever taken.

She feels keenly aware of the fact that she is disrupting his space at this point, so she's careful to pile her clothes somewhere unobtrusive and to put everything back in the exact way she'd found it as she goes through the motions of rinsing off the sweat and grime of the day.

The cold makes her hasty, but if she rushes then she's just back out there to shirtless Kylo Ren sitting on his bed sooner. She tries to strike a balance there, but that means she's grappling with shivering when she does finally get out of the fresher. Good times.

At least the cold keeps her from thinking about … anything much else. That's a small miracle.

Anyway, the worst is when she's dried off and realizes she's gotta decide what she's sleeping in. It's probably not a big deal. He's obviously not adjusting anything to account for her presence or he'd not have showed up without his shirt. She settles on resisting that overthinking too and just leaves her pants and wraps and boots with her belt in the corner of the refresher.

The last time he'd surprised her in this state of undress, she'd scrambled to cover up. What a stark departure, to now be coming out to join him in his bed.

And she does, hair damp and soaking through the shoulders of her tunic. Naturally, when she emerges, he's — well, staring. Had he been glaring at the refresher like that the whole time? That seems tiring. He's good at sustained quiet fury, though. Lots of practice. This line of thinking, she thinks, makes it easier to approach him, as does the pillow he clutches like it's his lifeline.

Did he always do that? She'd noticed the last time, but took it for stress and insomnia. Maybe that's just what people do with pillows.

Somehow, when she comes to the edge of the bed, it feels like she ought to say something. She lingers to that effect, searching for something, but ultimately comes up empty. So she settles on just climbing under the covers beside him.

It bears mention that her skin is still cold, given that there's a good amount of it exposed. ]

[sololoquy]

[He notices a few things right off the bat — one, that she’s left her hair wet after exiting the refresher. Two, she has no pants on. He gets hung up on two for a while, accompanied with the feeling that he’s made a terrible mistake. They skipped up the scale of intimacy far faster than he had meant to.

Really, it was just the thought that she would leave the room and that he’d have to remember that she’d left him after promsiing she wouldn’t. That’s next a level unhealthy coping mechanism, but there it is — self reflection. He’d asked her to stay not because he’d wanted more intimate interactions, he’d asked her to stay to keep what they’d suddenly established between them alive. Now that he thinks about it more deeply, the Force probably would have done it for them.

The lingering doesn’t help. He struggles to find something to say to her now. In the absence of things to say, she climbs under the covers and instantly he feels the cold that comes with her. Did people from desert backwaters only take cold showers? That almost makes sensw. It causes him to grip the pillow tighter in an effort to hold onto his warmth while he considers her presence in his sleeping space.

He is probably not sleeping tonight. This was definitely a mistake.]

There’s a hair dryer. Under the sink.

[Smoothly half-mumbled into the pillow.]

[forcevisions]

[ He withdraws in on himself as she gets under the covers with him and — It's hard not to feel a little rejected by the way he pulls the pillow protectively against himself. But she's trying to remember that they're both pretty high key. Their shared anxiety is like electricity crackling in the air, warning of a coming storm. It bites at her skin.

One hand goes up to touch the wet whip of her hair and— ]

A what?

[ Like the function is right there on the label but

I'm sorry if you thought Rey had ever used a hair dryer in her life? Like, let's be honest. Anyway she's trying to parse if that was an emphatic suggestion or a genuine impartial offer. The way he's recoiling from her, she guesses it's the former.

At least the uncertainty as her propped up on her elbows to look at him so she's only barely getting his sheets wet. ]

[sololoquy]

[Rey please be less of an animal child.

Kylo Ren squints suspiciously, as if she's fucking with him -- but no, that makes sense, why would you ever need a hair dryer in the desert?

He props himself up on one arm as well before sighing out his noise and moving to the edge of the bed so that he can lift himself and retrieve it out of the refresher. Its cordless, because its the future.

He stands at the side of the bed and flicks the switch briefly so that it blasts one short puff of hot air at her head in demonstration.]

Hair dryer.

[Self explanatory. He hopes.]