epidemiology | CLOSED.

Entry tags:

CLOSED.

CHARACTERS: Ahad & Loki
DATE: Return to HQ
WARNINGS: Blood. I mean, def watch out for dubious subjects, but I'll update if anything comes up.
SUMMARY: Loki's anger is dissipating, and Ahad comes for a chat.

[ it had come, and it had gone. his run in with Kylo Ren had left him partially satisfied in the way that he disliked. for Loki, doing something for someone who was not himself was foreign, and always left him with an odd taste in his mouth. it was the dissonance that kicked in, his memories of what he was intersecting with the thoughts and feelings of a new Loki. it still struck him at times, remembering just who and what he had become. it was left unhealed like an old wound, still haphazardly sewn together with stitches ready to tear.

King Loki is on his mind. Asgard is on his mind. Keith, Rey, and Thor are on his mind.

as a god, there could be easier ways to get rid of the blood, but instead he scrubs his hands in the sink of his room at headquarters, working his fingers around his nails meticulously with soapy water. it runs pink in droplets, falling in bubbly polka dots that scatter when the water runs. ]

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[ There was something wrong. Ahad had the sense of it, but had waited to act. It wasn't until he sensed that Loki was alone that he decided to move.

He's quieter than usual, when he lets himself into the room. Loki will still be aware of him, but he doesn't do much to announce his presence. What he will do is lean against the door jamb, watching the blood run down the drain. There's always something nearly hypnotizing, about that. ]

Well. [ It's drawn out, but not terribly so. ] Was there satisfaction to be had?

[ he knows when he's sought. even as he feels Ahad's presence, he doesn't look up. not yet.

there's a pause. ]

It wasn't about satisfaction ... [ a very strange, different feeling. ] It wasn't for me, not this time.

[ There's silence for a few beats, then a nearly silent shift as Ahad moves to stand behind Loki. He'll attempt to meet his eyes in the mirror, if Loki will look up.

If not? Then he'll simply be a presence behind him. ]

What was it about?

[ lots of things is too broad to say. there's not many times when Loki considers what he's going to say, but for the moment he does, mulling over the events of the last few hours, and the hangover of anger that's now dissipating.

he lifts his eyes. ]

He tried to kill someone I care for. [ Loki figures that Ahad's been around, watching. it wouldn't be surprising. ] Entitlement with no regard for consequences, so I offered consequences.

[ Ahad will hold the eye contact, in that unblinking way he has.

He does not seem surprised by anything Loki has said, but then it's always difficult to tell if that's just Ahad or he actually was paying attention. Either way, it will not take him long to process this, tasting the connections between things. ]

This isn't enough blood for him to be dead.

[ He'll reach out to take one of Loki's hands, if he doesn't meet resistance. ]

[ there isn't any, and the blood is washed clean, Loki's hand cold from the water. ]

No, but certainly enough for him to be frightened of someone who holds far more power than he does. [ the dark nails wiggle curiously in Ahad's palm. ] I took Gram, and Kylo Ren has a lot of baggage.

I made him think, which may be worse.

[ a hint of a smile crosses his face. ]

I never have patience for that.

[ There's more reason that Ahad is quick to kill. Fortunately for everyone, he's rarely that angry...

He'll turn Loki's hand palm up, slowly tracing the lines with his thumb. He doesn't speak, but it's a weighty silence. Not oppressive, but more indicating a willingness to listen. ]

[ while Loki doubts that Hathaway would've looked kindly on the demise of one of their team members, he's certain that he could've found a way around it if so needed.

however, he was a remnant of a friendship. as much as Loki prided himself on new starts, there were some things he just couldn't let go.

bright eyes fall half-lidded. ]

He's Anakin's grandson. [ his fingers curl around Ahad's hand, brushing against the skin. ] He deserved a chance to see where this path would lead him.

[ He'll lift Loki's hand, and kiss the back of it. It likely still smells of blood, to Ahad's senses.

This does not give him pause. ]

What happens now?

[ it's still bloody with his primitive means of clean-up, but it's deliberate. he doesn't want to rid himself of it completely, not yet. ]

I suppose it depends on what he does with the truth that Gram has shown him. [ a pause, a breath. ] He's no longer ignorant, and cannot remain so—what he does next will shape him.

Though I warned him not to touch others that I care for. He'll me a more unfortunate edge.

[ Well, it's not as if Ahad minds a little blood. ]

It would be the height of idiocy for him to come for any of us. [ Especially Ahad himself, it goes without saying.

But Ahad is still studying Loki, as if he's waiting for something more. ]

I made that clear.

[ Loki never cared if the whole world burned, as long as those he cared for were safe. that was a new thing. it used to be just him, as long as he was on top.

caring for others, and moving heaven and earth to keep them safe, that was different. ]

He's like a boy who considers himself invincible. I couldn't have that. Not here.

[ Ahad's in thought for a few moments. It strikes him that this isn't Loki's role, to confront boys that feel themselves invincible, but would saying that help in any way? Ahad has his doubts.

What actually comes out is: ] You're still angry.

[ It's not judgmental. Ahad isn't one to judge these things. What is mixed in there is concern. ]

[ it's far from it, but it seems to have found him. it was circumstance that found him at this crossroad, and he looks less comfortable for it. Loki never did anything simply—it was always one of either extreme. it made his anger particularly volatile. ]

It was an unwanted reminder.

[ of himself, of King Loki, and of his own crimes. ]

Ah. [ There's a lot wrapped into that one syllable. Ahad knows what it is to be reminded of something that would be better left buried.

But for now, he'll use his hold on Loki's hand to gently tug him out of the bathroom. ]

[ without complaint (which is something to be said, due to the situation), Loki follows his lead. there's a frown that's tugging on his cheeks, the lines in his face more prominent than normal, making him look far older than he is—or maybe he's just showing it. ]

...

I'm no one's example, Ahad. Being ... [ he's placing the words, which is strange for him. he always knows what to say. ]—better doesn't mean that I wish to be anyone's guide.

No matter how blatantly off course their path is.

[ he adds that with a huff. ]

[ That Loki moves without complaint is nearly more worrying than anything else that's happened. If Loki continues to not protest, Ahad's going to sit on the bed. ]

Has anyone asked you to be an example? [ He'll pause here, to stare off as he sometimes does. ]

You intervened because he harmed someone you care about. What he takes from it is entirely his own choice. [ He'll sigh here, uncertain if Kylo Ren will learn anything, even from having to face difficult truths. ]

[ he doesn't, not even a little bit of his normal defiance (the defiance that's just there to be defiance). Loki stands, still in his armor, leaning against the closest wall. there's a look of distraction in his expression, but comfortable enough with Ahad not to be much of anything. there's no need to perform. ]

No ... but it does become that, in some way. For those who follow the same path as another me had lifetimes ago. It's too obvious—too much the same ...

Then, how would you change it?

[ It's a serious question, one with some worry underlying it. He doesn't reach for Loki, but it's a close thing. Comfort is so often physical between them that he's not entirely certain what to do with words. ]

[ there's a long silence, one that sits heavy on him as he tries to rearrange his words to something where he seems to know just what he's gotten himself into. ]

I don't know.

[ and then: ]

I'm a story, a myth, ink dried on the surface of reality—I strived to be something other than evil, and now ...

Now? [ Finally he does reach out, to take Loki's hand again. ]

You've managed what few do, to rewrite yourself with some success. Is this not another form of rewriting?

[ with that little provocation, Loki sits on the bed beside him, the mattress curving where it meets his rear. sometimes it's difficult to fathom how far he's come—if he's even come far at all—if it's a convenient lie that he tells himself.

he wonders if it matters.

it still feels like it does. ]

Sometimes it seems no matter what I do, what gap I breech or how much I try to make things better, that it will never be good enough.

The universe will swallow me whole, and the person that wishes that I were the same will win.

No, it will never swallow all of you. [ He'll bring his free hand to Loki's chest, placing it over his heart. ]

I will remember.

[ for the majority of his existence, he's been by himself in struggling to find his own pathway. in this new incarnation, he's done what he can to set the story of influence on others on his own terms. he hadn't expected to receive help, and he hadn't asked for it—but this isn't quite like that.

it's not help.

it's something else that makes his breath catch in his chest.

he leans forward, hand spread across Ahad's chest, and his forehead to his shoulder. ]

[ It's not intended as help at all, no. It's instead defining meaning and space, in a way that Ahad typically avoids. But Loki's impact is one great enough that he can never be forgotten or pushed aside. He will always be here, even if no where else in the universe.

For the moment, all Ahad will do is hold him. ]

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