epidemiology | closed

[he wants to die]

Give me a break! I never agreed to do anything this stupid! [He takes the sign anyway because even if he's argumentative, he's at least got honor.

He didn't read the dossier (AGAIN), and he sure as hell didn't think to use any kind of outfit or cloaking device--so Lissa has him at his worst: feudal hanyo Straight Outta Hanabira.

The good thing is he's attracting a lot of attention. The bright red robe and white hair stand out in the rainy, drab street much like the neon signs winking in disarray. The ears, when people get closer, help. They move with his emotions, twisting, listening, folding back, and people think it's hilarious or cute.]

I'm not a fox, dammit! Shippo is the fox!

[ Inuyasha's loud protests are apparently enough to get one of the amused passersby to actually swing inside the building in search of the deli, wondering if maybe there's a second show inside just as good as the first.

Lissa, meanwhile, refuses to let Inuyasha's scowl dampen her excitement in the slightest. She does, admittedly, huff a bit at his disdain of this whole thing. ]

It's not stupid, it's helpful. Whatever happened to proving to everyone that you're a good de— [ ERRRR HANG ON they're undercover ] person?

[ Another person stops to gawk. Lissa waves her own sign and yells out something about the best food in Drakstaden. ]

Grr... [Don't pull a fucking Kagome and use the "HELPFUL" and "GOOD DEMON" schtick on him! HE HATES IT, THANKS.]

This is just a waste of time! [He's at least not yelling quite so loudly anymore. It's a wonder anyone at all wants to try the deli with the sour scowl on his face as he holds the sign and glares at passersby.

It's definitely the ears.] What's it matter to us whether or not they get people to go in? That's [His voice lowers to a hissed whisper:] not why we're here!

[ She'll take whatever she can get, tbh, even if it means using Inuyasha's physical appearance as the equivalent of bait.

Also, why's he gotta be this way, can't he just play nice for like ten minutes? She shoots him a Look, like one of those looks moms give their kids, and replies back in her own hushed whisper—though only after the crowd has thinned a bit. ]

Well, what else are we supposed to do? We can't just fix everything overnight!

[His face bunches up, but he clearly can't find anything to say in retort to that since, you know, it's true.] Ugh!

We could be doing some-- [From behind, a small, soft voice says, "Um, excuse me," and he just KNOWS when he turns around--

Fuck, it's a slightly ruddy-faced little girl. One of her arms from the elbow down is now a bare-boned, but solid piece of machinery. He doesn't think, by her age, that she got it for aesthetic pleasures.

The girl wants to know if his ears are real, and honestly, he kind of wishes the ground would swallow him up.] Of course they're real. Why would I choose to put them on my head for if they weren't?!

[Obviously, this is a ruse, and the girl giggles about his denial. This makes the ears fold down in annoyance.] Is your nose real? That's what I thought...

[But she holds up the robotic arm to the two of them, flexing the fingers. "Yes," she proclaims proudly, "but this isn't."]

[ It's one thing to read about a place, another thing entirely to see a child with cobbled together augments, bits of metal where their fingers and toes ought to be. Lissa's face freezes at the sight, eyes widening as she takes in the metal arm, and the fingers wiggling in her face.

She realizes she's been staring a little too long when the smile on the girl's face wobbles, and quickly Lissa pulls herself together and slaps a smile back on her own face. ]

I wish I had an arm like yours. I bet you could win any arm-wrestling contest you wanted like that.

[ The little girl giggles again and asks, "You really think so?" To which Lissa replies, ]

Of course! I bet you could even beat him.

[ With a point towards Inuyasha. Thanks for volunteering as tribute. ]

[Honestly, Inuyasha doesn't think that's something to be proud about, but he's also an idiot half-demon that's never had a disability in his life. Angry and short and missing an arm? Wrong anime.]

What?! Yeah right! She's just a kid! [WHAT IS LISSA'S DAMAGE, HELLO! She can't just blurt out that some brat is able to beat him! He's a demon! He's got Tessaiga! He can kill a hundred fucking demons in one swing of his sword!

But looking down at the girl slowly softens his sour expression. He can't... be mad... about a... kid... Fuck.

Suddenly, he lets out a puff of pent-up breath, the biggest sigh, then looks away.] I guess, whatever.

But she ain't gonna be able to beat anyone like me if she doesn't eat at the Fox Deli. It's where I get all my strength.

[HINT HINT. See? He's trying.]

[ She is trying to foster some CONFIDENCE and SELF-RESPECT in this fine young lady, sheesh!

If he hadn't cooperated she would have given him a good long glare, but it seems that Inuyasha is sometimes a demon of sense (or at the very least, a demon possessed of a sometimes squishy heart) and he waves towards the Dancing Fox Deli in a perfect transition.

What a good guy.

The girl looks towards the building, contemplative. "What kinds of food do you guys sell there?" A very good question, to which they definitely have an answer. ]

We have a lot of food! [ And now, because she honestly just wants to see how far Inuyasha will go, she makes up something completely on the spot, staring at him with a wide smile. ] We made a whole song for it. Wanna sing it?

[ Spoilers: this song does not actually exist yet. ]

[His heart probably stops dead for half a second, and it's a wonder he isn't pronounced deceased. He stares at Lissa like she's got two heads (and, like, one eye, and four teeth, and eight ears). She's gotta be kidding.]

What?! Nobody ever said anything about a song!

[He's not gonna freaking sing a song about this place! Does he look like he even wants to be holding the sign? No. Because he almost cracked it with his claws when she had the nerve to mention singing.]

If you know it, why don't you sing it?

[ Hm. This is backfiring on her.

Her own smile cracks a little bit when he turns it back around her and for a moment, she's struck silent with the need to find some way to rope him back in. (He doesn't look like he wants to participate at all.)

It's too late to renege on the plan in any case, the cluster of children stepping closer to chant, we want to hear the song.

There's only going forward from here. ]

Fine, but you have to sing the chorus with me. We're a pair, after all!

[Oh my GOD. His teeth grit. There's no possible way he'll be able to weasel out of this without a. busting the cover, or b. throwing her under the bus which will then bust their cover.

MORE kids. Thousands of wide, small, cute eyes looking at him expectantly. He can feel his soul wither inside him; the raging flame is nothing more than a puffing ember. He breaks under the pressure.] Fine!

Just hurry up, or they won't even have time to go in and buy anything!

[ It's ON. ]

I'm going, I'm going!

[ Don't pressure princesses, they need TIME to prepare! In this case, a whopping ten seconds, as she clears her throat, whips up a few mangled song lyrics, and desperately prays to Naga that this doesn't crumble apart around them.

And-a one, and-a two, and— ]

Cakes and cupcakes and sandwiches too! We've got everything that'll make your dreams come true! If you ever find yourself hungry and want to eat, the Dancing Fox Deli can't be beat!

[ Time for the chorus! She shoots a beseeching look towards Inuyasha. ]

The Dancing Fox Deli is where it's at! The Dancing Fox Deli will make you fat!

[ Okay, so maybe this wasn't the best idea. ]

[He's going to kill her, and then he's going to kill himself.

The rhyme sounds so childish and stupid. The kids eat it up, of course, and they can't tell any difference much less understand the embarrassment of having to hear the song--and sing the song.] Gimme a break.......

[The sign bends gently under the irritated grip of his fingers. In the least enthusiastic, most downtrodden voice he can possibly muster (while still somehow managing to sound like he's trying):]

The Dancing Fox Deli is where it's at! The Dancing Fox Deli will make you fat!

[And under his breath, hissing:]

Remind me to kill you after this...

[ Studiously, she ignores that threat aimed right at her as she continues singing, and somehow they in their mismatched tones - surely someone in town is wincing at how out of tune they are with each other - manage to convince not only a handful of kids to run inside, but also two more adults, who chuckle at the two of them before taking their leave.

Mission: success! All they had to do was completely throw away their dignity and shame.

But whatever passes for luck in this city seems to grace them now; the adults, having gotten a show, wander off on their way again, and the kids run off singing the song at the top of their lungs--some with new creative twists.

Lissa waits until they're all down the streets, then turns back to Inuyasha with a wobbly smile on her face. ]

That wasn't so bad, was it?

[ It definitely was. ]

[Thank God they're all gone. He can suffer in peace for this embarrassing travesty.]

It was awful if you ask me. [The sign comes down, and his grip loosens.] Are we done? Whatever, I'm done. Not standin' around singing to any more of these weirdos.

Come on. They got some people anyway. [He's heading back inside.] I'm tellin' her I quit.

[ Too bad she didn't have the foresight to record this whole thing on her Magitek, she could have made millions.

As it is, she's just thankful he didn't actually murder her on the spot and while his immediate resignation from his position as partner-in-crime is somewhat disappointing, she can't really blame him after this single afternoon. ]

Fine, but at least see if she'll give us a drink or something! It's cold out here.

[ And then Helga gave them a free meal and everyone was happy except for probably Inuyasha, the end. ]

closed

tags this right fast so i don't forget

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i have some regrets

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