& this child i would destroy [semi-open]

[grunehexe]

CHARACTERS: Sieglinde & maybe you
DATE: post-Koltira'ing, 10/11 onward
WARNINGS: angst and mentally unhinged children?
SUMMARY: semi-open log for visitors, etc., when Sieglinde shuts herself in her room to work post run-in with everyone's fav elf

[It had been a while, since she'd been reminded so viscerally of how helpless she was. How weak.

Sieglinde had returned from her encounter with Koltira unharmed, though her familiar had not been so lucky. Isengrim slept the sleep of the drugged, the pits of his eyesockets dark, one leg splinted and bandaged tight. But Sieglinde hasn't slept since then, not really- she hasn't left her desk.

If she could isolate what it was that triggered the frenzy... if she could determine what it was about coffee that made it palatable to ghouls... if she could find a spell that would return a huntsman's heart...

Her own project lay neglected, a cure for the Ultimate Magic... it could wait. She'd let the others wait too long, and look what had happened... Along the way, sleep began to wait. Then food. Then bathing. Days slipped by, she was sure, but she didn't leave the room.

She had everything she needed there.]

Comments

FIRSSSSSTTTTTTT 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[dishearten]

( he visits Sieglinde enough to realize something is amiss quite quickly. he can justify the fact she doesn't answer the first day with the possibility she's found someone else to be her transportation. the second day he doesn't get an answer, he starts to think something might be amiss. when he convinces his Brother to help him track her down, they only end up back at her door, with the wolf whining at the door jam, distressed by things he can't even see yet. )

Sieglinde?

( he sounds mildly concerned, at best, though the fact that much emotion managed to crawl into his tone indicates he's far more than mildly concerned. his knock is impossible to sleep through, sound and a little jarring in the relatively quiet hallway.

considering the conversations he's had with Sieglinde, it doesn't bode well. he knows nothing of what she's gone through, but apparently he's determined to change that. ) Sieglinde, if you don't answer then I'll break the door down. ( he is heartless and only human, but don't doubt that he's perfectly capable of kicking down a door. don't test him, he will Leon S Kennedy this bitch to the floor. )

[grunehexe]

[If she ignores the people who come to her door, the entire world outside of the room she'd converted into her lab, she might finally make a breakthrough. Might finally make progress on the things she's neglected for too long.

Even if it meant ignoring the subjects of those experiments. It was for their benefit, to keep working, keep focusing.

... Except she couldn't get any work done if her door was broken. Pulling herself from her microscope, she squinted around a pounding headache, shooting a tired glare towards the voice.]

I am busy!

[He just said she had to answer, right?]

[dishearten]

( well, good to know that she's still alive in there, if unwilling to leave her room. it's a relief, even though it's a distant one. everything seems rather distant to Graham, after all. he chews over the response in silence, and it might even be long enough that Sieglinde thinks she's free of his disturbance.

she's unfortunately not. )

You're always busy, what's so different today? ( it's frustrating, to guess that something is wrong and not really have a gut instinct to fall back on. logic didn't work as well in situations like this one, yet it was all he had to lean on at the moment. ) I haven't seen you leave this room in days, have you been eating?

( he knows a little too well that Sieglinde's own health is easy to put on the wayside when she's concerned about the health of others. knowing that, it's hard to just leave with only the reassurance of her voice to assuage his concerns. )

[grunehexe]

[Where was her headache tonic? The thought occurs to her while she tries to think of a response to that, (good point, she was always busy), rifling through her papers and potions to come up with a vial, sticking a finger in and rubbing the oily concoction into her temple with a growing frown.]

I have been!

[Hadn't... she? She's not been seen down in the dining area for days but... hadn't Masamune brought her something the... It might have been the other day.

... It might have been the plate she suddenly notices on the side table, grown cold and off.

Ah.]

[dishearten]

( he could certainly be bluffing, Graham was horribly hard to catch in a lie considering his condition. he didn't give off any obvious signs, without a heart he didn't have the obvious tells. it was completely possible he didn't know that for certain, but Sieglinde was one of the few he kept distinct tabs on. he was certain something was amiss from the fact he hadn't seen her in a few days.

the sudden silence after her answer really couldn't indicate much. Graham pressed his forehead against the door, trying to decide if he should push harder or take her word for it and give her the space she seemed to want. if she wanted to be left alone, shouldn't he let her? )

Sieglinde, are you going to let me in or not?

( not quite the same no-nonsense tone as threatening to break down her door. she had the right to refuse his company if she wanted to. still, there was a tinge to his voice that was obvious, even heartless; he was worried, he couldn't help himself. )

[ex_adept136]

[Paying visits to Sieglinde had long since become routine for Haise. The more she was able to observe and notate, the better, and he understood why. Forcing down human food so she could document the results was a painful but necessary thing, and Haise has lived a brief existence rife with painful but necessary things. So as with any other day previously arranged, he arrives at the appointed time.

As always, he takes pause at her door to knock first. And as has become a habit of his, he brings with him two meals: one he'll have to choke down and one he hopes she enjoys far more than he can. It's only polite that he provide dinner, and it's the very least he can do when she's set aside this time to help him and others.

It's a kindness he wouldn't easily dismiss.

When he doesn't get an answer though, he frowns and checks his watch. It's the same time he's always striven to report in, and so he supposes that she might be engrossed in her work. With that thought in mind, he tries knocking on the door]

Sieglinde, are you there?

[grunehexe]

[Time had gotten away from her again.

She doesn't realize it until the knock at the door jerks her out of a semi-conscious state not quite yet sleep and certainly not wakefulness. A large tome falls to the floor, but she can't quite catch it, only try to rub the sleep from her eyes. Ah... it was dark outside.

Haise's voice registers a moment later, and she drags herself up out of her chair, stepping awkwardly over Isengrim to make it to the door. Normally she just had to call out that it was open... but she'd taken to locking it. Too many people kept trying to bother her while she was working.

But it was time to test the next step for her Ghul Projekt.

The lock clicks, and Sieglinde cracks open the door, making sure it was Haise before opening it wider to let him in.]

Ah... Haise. Come in.

[And nevermind the fact that it looked like she had slept in that dress... more than one night. Also ignore the bags under her eyes, the oil in her hair. All of that. She certainly seems to be.]

[ex_adept136]

[It's strange to find that she'd locked the door, but Haise only has a brief moment to reflect on this. Once he gets a better look at Sieglinde, he's far more concerned with her than the door. At the very least, it seems she's been so absorbed in her work that she isn't taking care of herself. He frowns at the thought as he steps quietly into the room, taking in the familiar scenery]

Did I disturb you?

[She looks so tired now, and there isn't any way that he'd fail to notice. Although by now Haise has observed Sieglinde's tendency to focus very sharply on projects, he hasn't seen her weathered quite like this.

Once his gaze drifts over Isengrim's form, it lingers there, though he doesn't yet question it. Something had to have happened. He does want to know what it was, but with Sieglinde looking so exhausted, it seems best to ask one question at a time rather than inundate her with several at once]

[grunehexe]

I am very busy at the moment- everyone is disturbing me. But I have something for you.

[That was... a harsh way to put it, perhaps, but she softens it by inviting him in and closing (and locking) the door behind her. Isengrim stirs just slightly, unsplinted leg kicking a bit in his sleep.

There is more... mess than there usually is. And that was saying something. Parchments, a tablet PC, microscope, blood samples, vials, everything every which way, though she tries to clear some space for the dinner she vaguely registers Haise has brought in.]

Here- have a seat.

[Some... where...]

[selfimage]

[ it wasn't hard to find people, all it took was a simple spell. he had been watching her ever since he spurned her in Oska, keeping an eye out on her while he nursed his own wounds. it was when she began to run herself on a thread that he thought it might not be a bad idea to intervene, giving into the realization that he'd have to face it and apologize, eventually.

there was very little that Loki felt the need to apologize for, and with another Loki running around, showing vulnerability was not high on his to-do.

he doesn't even bother knocking, dismissing whatever spells were on the doors to let himself in. ]

This is how people get wrinkles, you know.

[grunehexe]

[She'd found something in the blood. Something that was present in trace amounts in the samples she'd taken weeks ago and something that was thrumming in the sample it had taken her days to clean, sifting out impurities and dirt to get to the purest grade she could find.

Something she'd overlooked before.

It's this discovery that fuels her, keeps her awake and working far past when most people would have given in to sleep... dulls her senses to the point that she can't even notice yet that if someone has entered the room, it meant they passed the door, and her wards, slowly pulling her gaze from the microscope, already speaking.]

All people eventually get-

[Dulled as she is by exhaustion, there's... no mistaking Loki, her expression slowly draining to a certain schooled professionalism. There was little point in protesting that the door had been locked, and warded to boot... he was powerful.

And despite the fact that she'd been careful not to get underfoot around him since Oska... he was here.]

... wrinkles.

[Had she been right to think that his attentions were fickle, and that his arrival now meant that she had simply caught his attention again? She didn't know, and so for the moment, she kept her eye from the scope of her equipment, sullenly staring up at him, unsure.]

[selfimage]

[ Loki always looks unflappable, even when he should be looking something more akin to apologetic. he was aware of what he had done, though it was debatable how aware he was of it when he had done it. her conclusions weren't far off: he was a fickle, trying creature, built on a shoddy foundation of the other Lokis that had come before him. despite that, he was determined not to let those expectations guide him; not then, and not now.

it was partly why this was so hard. ]

Yes, and no. [ to the least, his eyes are on her, not distracted at this time. ] I meant the funny one you get between your eyebrows when you squint too much.

[ he says it easily, before lifting a dark nailed finger to peg her right between the brow. ]

I can almost see it forming.

[grunehexe]

[She doesn't move to avoid the poke she can see coming, not only because she's tired, shoulders slumped and brow furrowed, just like he said, but because she's perched on a desk chair and doesn't really... have anywhere to go. Instead, she frowns slightly at the contact, brow furrowing even worse against his fingertip.]

If a wrinkle is the price for work completed, I shall gladly pay it.

[She didn't want to ask, somewhat afraid of the answer, any answer she wasn't sure of, didn't know, staring up at him somewhat cross-eyed around the blurred dark shape of his hand so close to her face. But she can't just stare at him, either, stifling the urge to rub at her tired eyes.]

Is there something I might help you with?

[evantuality]

[It's a few days in to Sieg's real descent that Evan stops by. He's been preoccupied, distracted with -- with things he can do nothing about, or otherwise, with mission parameters. Tracking down the lost data. Learning about the mechanical animals. It's not till he hears word that Sieg was amongst those hit by Koltira's rage that he decides to go see her, spurred by worry and to some degree by guilt. He'd been meaning to speak to the little witch since that last week at Oska.

In fact, he makes a stop in at the kitchen before he goes up to see her, and arrives with a couple of enamelled tin cups and a carafe of the local lemonade equivalent. His knock is gentle but less tentative than it might be.]

Sieg? Are you in there?

[grunehexe]

[She's close- she feels it. Even with all the interruptions she feels like she's managed to isolate something even if she is yet unsure of just what that something was. Whether to classify it as magical or chemical she wasn't quite sure, the two blurring together in her mind the longer she spent with ALASTAIR and learned from various worlds, but it was present in much higher concentrations in her sample from Koltira's frenzy, and though the sample had long died, that first day... It ha sent the cells of his blood to boil.

Her gaze is focused on her samples, on delicately laying fingers on the lens she had pulled from the sea serpents eye and using a magnification spell through that catalyst to examine her findings- not on the outside world, not a thing outside her room.

To Evan's knock and call, there is initially only silence.]

[evantuality]

[As the moments stretch on with no response and no sign of life behind the door, Evan almost leaves. He's well entrenched in the habits of unobtrusiveness, as per his interpretation of the golden rule -- he knows if he doesn't answer his door, it's because he wants nothing to do with whoever's on the other side. But something stays his feet, leaves him staring at the door thoughtfully.

Things his older self had written in his long missive nibble at the edges of his mind, as they do. The note is a discomfiting thing, now folded and kept in the bottom of his pack, crabbed in handwriting too eerily similar to his own and containing dry, pointed comments that occasionally dip too deeply into familiarity. But it's been replete with deeply useful insights so far, why should the few ambiguous lines about Sieglinde be any different?

So he knocks again, more loudly, just in case.]

Sieg, if you're in there, I've got provisions.

[He offers that with a tonal attempt at cheer.]

[grunehexe]

[... Provisions.

That admittedly catches her attention just briefly, though she's intent on ignoring the temptation. She had better things to be doing, after all, and she's close-

But her stomach rumbles, and her gaze darts to the side to catch sight of the food Masamune had brought her before, gone cold and unappetizing on the side table. Ah. Well, if it was just fuel for the body, she would need at least a little to keep going...]

Jiggle the handle to the right when you turn it.

[Finally she answers, with the... much to her displeasure easy-to-get-through lock mechanism on the frontier inn's off-set door.]

[winces]

[ she had taken a day to rest, to recuperate. to check in on both achilles and koltira, though separately, and without either knowing of the other. olivia had always been a peformer, but jugglind had never been her forte, and so she's certain one day it will all come toppling at her feet, but for the moment, she manages.

she should have come sooner, in all honesty, perhaps the moment after leaving koltira's side that day. but she had been spent from all the healing, all the emotion, and by the end of the day she wouldn't have been of much use to the green witch as either friend or disciple.

so she comes two days after, after she has had some time to gather her strength again, knowing now more than ever she must be a rock for those around her. she approaches the young girl's room with nothing in her hands this time — no book, no food to offer. now is hardly the time for pretenses, at least not for olivia. she is worn too thin to bother with airs. ]

Sieglinde? [ her voice is soft, but firm. at her feet saffron sits, purring idly. he had grown restless standing vigil at achilles' side the past two days, and is eager for any opportunity to roam. ]

I'd like to come in, please.

[grunehexe]

[It's probably for the best Olivia had not come earlier. Sieglinde had cried herself to sleep in Masamune's arms, cursing her weakness, damning herself for not doing enough sooner, and hating the fact that she still shook in remnants of visceral fear to recall the hate-filled look in the eyes of someone who had once been tender with her.

It was Wolfsschlucht all over again. Another person to add to the list of nightmares. Grete, who had always been so gentle brushing her hair, in the tree with a sniper rifle. Anne, who had cleaned and smiled and hummed, in the tank. Hilde, who had always seen to it Sieglinde did not strain herself, lay a blanket over her shoulders when she fell asleep at her desk, her face half-burnt off and contorted in rage, a gun raised to fire.

It was the possibility of death all over again- and not just death, that was fine. She had almost let her own life go once before, unable to bear the shame of what she'd done. But death without having yet created a cure for the Ultimate Magic?

Terrifying.

She doesn't want to answer the door. Doesn't want to show Olivia of all people a weakness. Doesn't want to see anyone, not when she could be using that time to correct her mistake, find the something in Koltira's blood that would prove her theory correct.

... Perhaps if she just kept silent, the older woman would assume she wasn't in, and move on.]

[winces]

[ the silence isn't a surprise, though olivia can't say she isn't a bit disappointed by it. quietly, she steps a bit closer to the door, tentatively placing a hand upon the wood and leaning in. it is a gross invasion of privacy, she knows, but still she cannot help but attempt to reach out with her mind in that moment... to see if sieglinde won't tell her, then maybe... perhaps...

but there is nothing but more silence that meets her efforts. in a sense, she is a bit grateful. she isn't entirely sure she would have wanted to know this way, without the younger girl's permission.

and so, she must attempt it the old fashioned way. ]

Koltira told me what happened, Sieglinde. [ not entirely, of course, as she did not wish to cause him more pain by having him relive his horrors in words. but she had been there, she had felt it. ]

I know you're not okay. [ and this, she doesn't need her powers for. she knows anyone wouldn't be, even someone as strong and level-headed as her master. ]

I will get to you, [ she promises, almost like a threat if it weren't for the concern thickening her voice. one way or another, even if she has to break this door down herself. ] It's your choice whether you wish to have a say in it or not.

[grunehexe]

[Olivia can't see it, but those first words elicit a reaction. Koltira had... told her? Why- why would he do that? She didn't want anyone to know- it had been bad enough Masamune found out when she'd been forced to call for aid to get back to the town...]

If he told you what happened you would know I am uninjured.

[After a delay, her voice is barely audible through the door.]

I have no need for anything but peace and quiet to complete this formula.

[dailydouble]

[ The knock, when it comes, is firm but not demanding. While Ahad is...concerned, he dislikes placing demands on anyone or forcing interaction where it is not at all desired. Sieglinde has the option of pretending not to be here, if she wishes.

However, any words or movement from inside the room will be taken as an invitation. ]

[grunehexe]

[Sieglinde fails to notice what time it is until people knock and she's forced out of her too-intense focus, her world having narrowed to include only the desk in front of her until sounds interrupt her concentration.

Sighing, she tries to sit up straighter, wincing at the impressive crick in her neck and spine, hissing as she finally managed the movement, sullen gaze slowly moving to the door.

Was it him, outside?]

... who is it?

[dailydouble]

[ The response comes quickly, in his usual polite tone: ] Ahad. May I come in?

[ He'll wait for something he could take as permission, before he attempts anything close to entering. ]

[grunehexe]

[Ahad.

It wasn't him. She shouldn't be surprised. He wouldn't come, would he...

But it was someone she knew. A god, for all that he was also forced to be a member of this team. ... She had never imagined to refuse a visit such as that.

It takes her a minute to tenderly ease herself out of her desk chair and toddle to the door, stumbling a bit over the mess her room has become, (notes and ingredients and untouched food everywhere), pulling the door open to reveal the disaster and her own state, bags under her eyes and hair unwashed.]

... Ahad.

[She steps aside, to allow entry, even if she isn't quite sure why he had come. Had Masamune been blabbing about her? Surely he wasn't just dropping by...]