epidemiology | i'm losing blood, i'm gonna leave my bones

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i'm losing blood, i'm gonna leave my bones

CHARACTERS: Sieglinde & visitors (mostly current CR but wanderers welcome)
DATE: Four days after the return to Oska, weeks following
WARNINGS: Potential squicky feet stuff
SUMMARY: A bedridden witch would appreciate some company

[The pain becomes a bit more manageable each day. Some people might say a doctor should never be their own patient, but Sieglinde was managing her own regimen, dosing herself with herbs to reduce the swelling, taking teas to numb the pain, and let sleep come a bit easier. She could have fixed it in an instant with magic...

But it was bad enough she had asked Masamune to rebreak her feet so that she could realign the bones and attempt to return the twisted and damaged muscles, tendons, and nerves back to something resembling their original position. Bad enough that she'd taken away the proof of her ignorance, an act that to her seemed just as if she was trying to hide what she'd done.

Pain was the least she could accept in return.

She wouldn't be able to put an ounce of weight on them for quite some time, even tightly bandaged and splinted though they were, and even after weeks, she knew she'd have to relearn how to walk, unable to remember well what it was like, the way one walked when you had a heel, and sole, and toes in play. But at least it was in Oska, somewhere... relatively safe.

And at least she had books, and visitors. Even though she hadn't told a single person her plan beforehand, she couldn't exactly hide it once it was all said and done... and she had requests. Like meals, and books from the library, and entertaining company. She occupies her time in that manner, curling carefully in bed so as not to twist or put pressure on her healing limbs, pouring over her most recent spellbook and occasionally getting ink all over her sheets writing notes. Chatting with those recruits she knew, as if she hadn't done what she had. Testing how her bones were healing, how the swelling was doing.

Wondering if today was the day she actually felt less doubt about what she'd done.]

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[Don't even give her that look, Loki, you're the one who went hard celebrating Christmas!]

I already have a hairbrush-

[It was around here somewhere... Sieglinde cast about for it, though she was somewhat limited to the scope of the many items scattered all over her bedcovers, which were mostly books and notes, (Loki's among them), and not the things on her floor... It definitely was somewhere around here... So it wasn't even a lie, it was true, so if she just bent the reality of the location the slightest bit-]

See, there!

[The little witch pointed eagerly to the hairbrush half hidden under a cast off dress, anxious to show off that she'd been diligently studying what materials he left her, practicing, too.

Admittedly, the hairbrush would glitch and disappear almost the moment Loki laid proper eyes upon it, but.

It was a start?]

[ look, some things are just a crazy ironic novelty, and a Norse god in a terrible Christmas sweater is one of them. ]

Erm—[ while he tries to be casually indifferent, his lips quirk up in amusement. ]—that's ... not bad.

[ his art was trickery, and he wasn't shy to admit it. he was the god of chaos and lies, and the methods that he undertook weren't ones that anyone without dubious morals would praise. backhanded and manipulative, these sorcerous arts were shunned, seen as cowardly by his brethren, even when they proved useful.

even when he saved everyone.

and here was a little witch, clasping proudly to an illusion that she had spun through a lie that he had taught her. it was both heartwarming and baffling. ]

You've been practicing.

[Though Sieglinde did deflate slightly when the illusion didn't stand up to proper scrutiny from another person, she was still bursting with pride and the innocent hope for praise specific to the young and unloved, quick to preen a little bit for Loki's words, (praise enough, to have her hard work noticed, she didn't need much).]

Of course! I have not been wasting all of this time- I have practiced every day.

[Her finger tapped tapped a rhythm out on the notes he had left her, trying not to smile overly. Perhaps it was considered cowardly by some... But she saw no shame in illusions as a magical study- maybe because of her handicaps and her line's talents predisposing her to defensive and non-wounding spells, but. Either way, she found herself glad to have been able to show progress, show him that she was putting in effort and wouldn't let him down.

... Maybe he wouldn't be let down if she failed, he was a God and she was a mortal, and who knew how long they'd be with ALASTAIR together... But. She still wanted to impress him if she could.]

I think I have had a breakthrough!

[ she does impress him; it's just in the way that she's eager to do so. ]

Have you? Why not try again?

[ it's a partial tease, a partial challenge. Loki's been hanging around enough, even if it had just been to leave her this and that while she had been sleeping, but now he's curious as to how far she's progressed. you can't exactly measure something like that through osmosis.

he's critical, but surprisingly not judgmental. she wanted to learn from him, and that in itself was a novelty. ]

Lie better this time.

[Performance anxiety hadn't ever been a real concern of Sieglinde's. She was a lord, she gave speeches in the village square, she performed her magics before the assembly of "werrwolves" in the basement of the manor... But of all the magics and sciences she was trying to learn...

Loki's was the one that she had most trouble with actually performing in front of people. It was easier to lie when the object of the lie wasn't present. When the person you were trying to trick wasn't on guard for just that. When you were lying upon being promoted to lie.

She does try. Stares at the place she wished the hairbrush to be, then squinted, then changed tactics and closed her eyes, tried to will it into at least visual if not spatial existence, one hand curling as if she were holding such an item...

But though the air in that space flickered a moment, almost became a hairbrush... It didn't, and Sieglinde peeked with one eye only to be met with disappointment.]

- perhaps not a very... large breakthrough. I shall try harder.

[It was so much easier when no one was watching... But they'd be little use if only she could see them, her expression twisted into a somewhat awkward mix between trying not to show her dissatisfaction with her efforts and the embarrassment of messing up in front of your handsome instructor.]

It seems you have plenty of time with your sudden constraint to the fluffy confines of your bed.

[ it's like he was waiting for the opportunity to point that out. it hadn't been her who had contacted him, he had found out about her bedrest on his own. there's a little sore spot in him where he hadn't been told, yet some satisfaction where he was going to weasel it out for himself.

he takes one of the chairs beside the bed, drags it out casually and flops himself at the bedside to make certain that it looks like he isn't moving from the spot he's settling. ]

Tell me about it.

[ since she obviously can't run off. ]

[Ah. Yes. That.

Sieglinde's expression fell slightly, easily, into something like guilt. She'd had plenty of time to wrestle with her decision, and though she'd found herself regretting it... that's why she'd had it done so quickly after her return from the extended stay in Nalawi.

Before she could talk herself out of it.]

... It is as you can see.

[Lying was harder in front of people even when it was just words and not illusions. Well, when you cared about that person, at any rate.]

I unbound my feet so that I would not be a burden any longer.

[So people wouldn't have to carry her any longer, or protect her at the cost of their own safety...

But she hadn't exactly expected to miss it so much- the physical proof of her own sins.]

[ there had been a small Loki once, Sieglinde's age in both stature and cunning. he had woven his own web of political manipulation, pulling players that were stronger than him here and there. at that time, he had worked on a handicap: no abilities, no powers, no nothing; all he had was his wit, and he had saved everyone with deception.

that Loki was dead, with the memory comes the fresh guilt.

and it's him, he knows, when he can see himself in her. the person that was, the child that was, before there was nothing. it makes it easier for the strings on his heart to pull instead of the snap, so uncomfortable that he finds himself wishing for the latter.

he's almost shocked that she tells him so easily. for him, he had anticipated a game and finally coaxing it out of here, but instead it's there, vulnerable in words between them. ]

And now?

[ his voice is not without sympathy. it sounds odd, coming from him, but it's there, thick with emotion in just two words. ]

[That much she's forthcoming with, because that much she can't deny. Her feet were broken, bandaged and splinted, and without using magic on them she'd be bedridden... two weeks, perhaps? Maybe she could begin testing her weight after that, stretching and trying to relearn what it was like to stand on two feet with proper lengths and only slightly arched soles.

But the rest... it wasn't something easily put into words without knowing certain details about her life that she'd not told anyone but perhaps two in all of ALASTAIR. If he wanted that, it would need coaxing, but the admission to how she felt- that she had been a burden...

Sieglinde's gaze dropped to the bumps under her covers that were her feet.]

They shall need tending, of course... I change the bandages each day and replace the poultices, tighten the splints... I suppose in a while I will try and test if I managed to align tendons correctly... I do not think I can recover most of the feeling in them, though, they have been bound too long for that...

[She knew that wasn't what he meant, but it was easier than the full truth. That she'd hoped unbinding her feet would help her feel free from her past, from the mother who had lied to her and done it to her in the first place... and instead, she'd largely felt only guilt for seeking to change something she'd come to see as the price she paid for ignorance.]

[ some lies were better kept as lies.

they were softer, made a story easier to deal with. she was becoming a fine liar, better at omission than rhetoric, Loki found. he had secrets of his own, and while he felt like there were those that he could pry from her, today would not be that day. while there were no qualms in manipulating information out of a bed ridden girl, a pang in his stomach tells him that it may be too cruel.

thus, he heeds it. ]

You've traveled through various worlds, and begun the journey into sorcery.

[ a heartbeat. ]

What I mean to say is ... we may find something yet.

[ there's a very important "we" there that he tries to hide. ]

[Sieglinde finds omission and technicalities easier to master, the words slide off her tongue because they are the words she had believed all her life- that is, until the very night ALASTAIR had found her. What was months compared to years of belief? It turned her words more true, because to her, they had been the core of her beliefs.

Just because they'd crumbled didn't mean she didn't remember painstakingly well what it had been like, when it was grand and true.

When it had been "I", and not "we".

That draws her gaze from her feet to Loki's face, searching briefly for something there before she tried to smile, to express something that wasn't guilt or self-loathing, managing a faint turn up in the corners of her lips.]

That is right... One never knows what can be found out in the world. Let alone worlds.

[She'd already seen more than she'd ever dreamed of from her tower bedroom with her broken little feet, the sort of things only books and tales could offer.]

... If we never find anything, though, that is fine. I will be alright even if they stay somewhat broken.

[In fact, she'd likely prefer it that way- however masochistic such desires were.]

[ dark lashes fall over bright eyes as he watches her, from the small smile to the way that her face softens. for a moment his stomach clenches like he's made a terrible mistake, then releases like a coil of snakes rushing from their lair. what it leaves behind is an odd feeling, one both full and warm but yet unsatisfying.

he's not used to having friends, or people he cares about. ]

Choice is the most important thing, isn't it? Broken or fixed—ah, who cares? You decide for yourself, first, last and always.

[ no matter what she decides. even if he ended up trekking her around, or she could support herself. it was her decision to make, and her decision to live with. he wouldn't constrict it with meaningless advice for a future yet to be written. ]

[It's a funny thing, isn't it? Filling one's world with people who you ended up caring about. Waking up one day and realizing people might actually not be using you, just... being your friends, or teachers, or... anything.

It seemed like something that could change at any moment. You wake up one morning thinking you were the the lord of a village with devoted servants, and at the end of the night everything you knew had turned out to be a lie, you've been shot at, almost murdered, and all your handmaidens killed before they killed you.

Or you were a god of chaos and mischief one day, and the next...]

At least now I have plenty of time to devote to my studies?

[She managed to smile a bit wider, in better spirits, striving to see some sort of silver lining in the choices she'd made and was torn on regretting.]

The notes you left have been most helpful.

["Thank you".]

I'm expecting you to find plenty of ways to use it for mischief when you're up and about.

[ it's good she didn't go into the realm of thank you directly, as there's only a few compliments that he knows how to take gracefully, usually hidden as self-depreciating nods. there's a certain satisfaction with passing down something to someone else, not as means of corruption, but defiance. ]

That's a given stipulation. There's no use if you're not causing someone trouble.

[It's something she's learned about gods. For whatever reason, they really didn't like being thanked... but considering how difficult she found it to say those words directly, she supposed she ought not complain.

Sieglinde just trusted he knew what she actually meant. He was better with words than her.]

... by tricking people into thinking I have not lost my hairbrush?

[Unfortunately, she was having trouble imagining how best to creatively use her abilities when they were still in their infancy. Fortunately, her mixed feelings on what she'd done to her feet hadn't completely ruined her humor.]

I'm sure you can be more creative than that, but it's a start. There's always a way to use everything, after all.

[ there's a little whimsy to his voice that says he's pleased with the words and with her. there was no need to dive head-first into mush, and he guards those feelings with intensity. they're his, after all. ]

You do have a long time to think about what pranks are best to pull.

[ his lips curl up on each end, as if this were part of a grand scheme, and he turns on his heels toward the door. ]

I cannot say I have ever dedicated myself to such a pursuit, but they say there is a first time for everything.

[A part of her didn't want him to go so soon, almost spoke up to that affect... but in the end, she didn't wish to appear so desperate for company as that, certainly not after what had happened on the island of the Dakal, but...]

- You will come by to check in on such efforts, I trust?

As needed, yes. You can contact me when you feel like you advance, then I'll teach you something new. How does that sound?

[ it's an odd way of saying whenever you need me, but they don't fill their exchanges with pleases and thank yous. she can take from it what she likes, and call upon him when she needs it. he's poor at opening himself, and even poorer at letting those he cares about know he cares about them. ]

[It was good enough for her.]

I am amenable to that.

[Though she could never be fully comfortable making too many assumptions about others, never having had anyone in her life beyond her villagers to expose her to the ranges of behavior possible in people... she her her bouts of insight.

Knew enough to come up with other ways to say "thank you", and to say "I feel better when you're around".

Smiled, a little bit.]

I shall work on the hairbrush first, then.

[Next on the docket: Actually keeping the illusion solid even if someone else was looking at it.]

[ caring about people always hit a note when it became uncomfortable. his thoughts of his own fate and well being put aside for less selfish pursuits, and more that had to do with others.

he had been away from Asgard, avoiding going back because of his own bitter feelings and the knowledge that he cared what they thought. it was easier to run from it, and to keep himself away. ]

I expect topnotch from my best student.

[ your only student, Loki.

with a wave of his hand he slips through the doorway, as if it were entirely casual. ]

Edited (what was that) 2016-07-27 14:59 (UTC)

[HIS BEST STUDENT!!!!]

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i'm losing blood, i'm gonna leave my bones

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