( closed ) when there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire

[winces]

CHARACTERS: olivia & co.
DATE: the second week or so of november
WARNINGS: extreme melodrama seriously don't look
SUMMARY: honestly tho

Comments

in that instant it started to pour | koltira, lucina

[winces]

[ by the time her legs give out on her, olivia realizes she has gone too far to even see the town in the horizon. for a brief, trifling moment she feels a spike of fear, knowing that it is not safe now, alone, and without even the comfort of her sword should she be caught by wild animals or bandits... or worse.

but that worry is but a small part of her that is easily ignored, her main focus drawn instead to the hollowness in her chest. it is cold out here, without the fires from camp thickening the air, and olivia is forced to buckle down and curl in on herself to retain what heat her adrenaline has granted her.

like a switch, her body takes note of her fetal position and proceeds to react accordingly. the tears she had miraculously been free of this whole venture suddenly breaks free, crashing through gates of resolve already made weak by the lack of energy left in her. her entire body shudders with every broken sob, muffled only by the desperate press of her hands though it doesn't do much to quiet her.

and she should be quiet, or at the very least try to be, because it's only so long before others begin to take notice... and these creatures may not be so understanding of broken hearts. ]

[respired]

[ Let's not sugarcoat things. Koltira's something of a stalker when it comes to his friends. ALASTAIR gave him a magic mirror that lets him check on them--or anyone else--and by the Light, he uses it. He's making his rounds tonight--there's Ramir, carefully placing a long, tattered coat on a cactus--when he sees something concerning. It's Olivia, racing distraught into the desert. He lets the brief scene play out, watching her curl into herself, watching the tears spill down her cheeks.

The mirror goes dark. Koltira's already out the door.

It doesn't take him long to find her, but he sees something else stalking ahead of him as he draws near. A razor-backed coyote, twice the size of even the beasts of Azeroth, its slavering jaws open and hungry. Olivia's whimpering had caught its ear, made it think there was easy prey close by.

The coyote lunges, but it falters mid-leap, impaled suddenly on the blade of Koltira's Byfrost. It howls, twists, struggles--and then falls still, as Koltira yanks his weapon out of the beast's gut and kicks it aside. ]

Olivia.

[ Blood runs up the center grooves cut into sword, disappearing as it's absorbed, first into the metal itself, and then directly into Koltira's body. He reaches for her, and his hand is oddly warm. ]

It's not safe out here.

[winces]

[ had she been in a better frame of mind, she would have probably had more of a reaction to the suddenly slaughtered giant coyote at her feet. as it is, the only shock that registers is the sudden cold whipping around her, which she realizes only due to the contrast of the warmth in his hand. she doesn't move, though she hardly resists as he holds her, her puffy, watery eyes wide and struggling with recognition.

no, she agrees, belatedly, her gaze falling to the carcass beside them. it isn't safe here, and yet she feels no fear, and no remnant of it in her bones. everything feels so muted, so distant, she can barely make sense of it all.

in fact it is only moments later that it occurs to her, his unspoken meaning in taking her elsewhere, taking her back. when it hits her, she cannot help but recoil as if burned, sucking in a sharp, wavering breath. ]

Koltira, I — I can't... I can't go back there, p-please don't make me—

it's nothing but time and a face that you lose | nami

[winces]

[ for the first few days, she becomes something of a ghost around the camps. koltira and twisted fate had been nice enough to let her stay with them in their room those first few nights, but she could not let herself become too much of a burden on the two, and the farmer whose home they'd been staying in.

(in truth, there had been a tiny, petty, bitter part of her — the corner of her heart that has grown small and brittle and shriveled — that could no longer stand to be in their company, the two of them, happy, together. she appreciates all that they do, and all that they are, but the wound is so raw, just the sight of the the quiet glances they share has her threatening to burst into tears all over again.)

eventually, she convinces them she will be fine on her own, fine with the reverend and the others who have taken residence within the church. the chores give her something to do, and the walls help keep her away from too many curious eyes.

but while her body and mind might have things to focus on, they are mechanical at best, and some common, everyday things unfortunately slip through the cracks. ]

Shower?

[ olivia echoes the words as she stares at the other woman, who had gone out of her way to stop olivia on one of the rare occasions she actually ventures out of the church.

olivia stares at nami as if she's never quite heard the word before, but in truth it is merely just something she hasn't... really thought about in a while. ]

[weatherscience]

[ it's strange, she thinks, how little she seems to see Olivia — she makes a point to see Riza, Lucina and Sonia almost daily, but now when she tries to find Olivia, it's almost like her friend has disappeared. but there is much to do, much to build and search and prepare for, and Nami can't spend as much time trying to see her friends as she'd like... and anyway, it's Olivia, isn't it — she's likely fine, out there helping people as she's wont to do.

but when finally she spots the familiar pink hair, the slight form walking on the street towards the church, it isn't the Olivia she knows; she's less bright, less vibrant, just less, like a light has been switched off.

and when she gets closer, calling out her friend's name, she can see the way her hair hangs limp, how her face seems dull and lifeless. no, she thinks, this won't do at all. ]

Yes, shower! I know you've heard of it before — come on, Olivia-chan, you're coming with me! You can tell me what's wrong when you feel like it... but I won't leave you here, looking like this!

[ and promptly, she takes Olivia's hand, starts walking towards the shower she's had made; fortunately, it isn't near the center of the camp, so they can reach it undisturbed. ]

[winces]

[ just as fortunately, olivia has no energy to resist or fight back. not that she would have, at least not initially, because despite the flare of worry that ignites in her heart at the prospect of being anywhere near camp, she knows nami to be a kind (if not.. necessarily gentle...) soul, and trusts that whatever she means to do must be fine...

still, her mind is struggling to keep up, looking from the back of the woman's head to the hand now wrapped firmly around her wrist.

a shower. yes, of course she's heard of it before. but now that she thinks about it... perhaps it actually has been days... ]

Nami— [ her feet stutter along, helpless against the force of nature that nami often is. ] This — This really isn't necessary...

live through this | sigma

[winces]

[ he will find her this evening, having stolen away for a few hours from the comfort of the small but cozy room of the qorral's farmer's home that koltira and twisted fate have so graciously offered to share, crouched before a small mound of snow that her now-frozen hands have meticulously begun to pat own into three different-sized balls...

her eyes are puffy, and her cheeks are red, but by now she has thankfully lapsed from the near constant crying stage to the quietly numb stage where her body and heart have grown too tired to muster up the proper response.

so it is with dry eyes and dry cheeks that she turns to him with a startled gasp, finally realizing she is no longer alone in this quiet little corner. ]

Oh — Sigma... you startled me...

[ she turns a little away from his line of sight, hoping not to be too noticeable as she continues to work on her mounds of snow. ]

and you won't look back | fiona

[winces]

[ hiding out isn't always an option when resources a limited. sometimes measures must be taken, and she has to venture out and get a few things in the little market the qorral have set up since the fire, because most of the time she remembers that even if she doesn't really feel like eating these days, that doesn't mean those staying in the church do.

most of the time it is mechanical, and most of the time she doesn't really have to worry about anything outside of making deals with the vendors. so she is always a little thrown when someone else approaches her, disrupting that easy routine. ]

—what?

[ she stares at fiona, recognition slowly working its way to her expression. ]

Sorry... did you say something?

[cachemoney]

I said-- "are you okay?"

[That's a lie. She actually said "wow, you look like shit," but now that she sees the dazed look on Olivia's face, she realizes that was just stating the obvious. She sets down the little bundle of goods she'd been set on buying (or "buying," as the case may be, but that's irrelevant now), tilting her head in concern.]

You're not going to pass out, are you?

[winces]

Pass out?

[ she repeats the words as if to make clear she had heard them, the burden of potatoes in her own arms growing more and more distant from her mind. ]

...No. No, I'm fine. [ she'd eaten. hours ago, but she had eaten, and her foot now feel steady on the ground. her mind is blank, when it doesn't drift, but she does not feel light or tenuous.

rather, her limbs feel unbearably heavy. ]

Sorry, it's — it's been a long day.

[ it's not even noon. ]

smiled and said "yes i think we've met before" | rocky

[winces]

[ as the week drags on into the next, olivia is finding herself a little more able to smile. not entirely, perhaps, not sincerely, but there is a smile on her lips nonetheless. and while it may be a mere shadow of the person she used to be, it is something, it is a start, and progress is always going to be progress, no matter the amount, right?

she practices now, when she spots the robot ai approaching her from the distance. she has begun venturing out into the campsite a little more these days, though always when she is sure certain parties are not around, and in spotting rocky, she recalls the bright light of his screen, the simple yet emphatic smiley face that would often pop up. she tries to emulate that now, forcing her lips into a wide smile as she lifts a hand to wave.

what better way to try practicing being a human again than with a robot, she thinks... ]

[friendlykillingmachine]

[Rocky may not be human or an empath, but even he can see there's something different about Olivia. She looks tired and stressed and there's a vacant smile on her face that looks far too much like something he himself would wear. It raises concern but he's still happy to see her and the smile on his screen is bright. On one shoulder he's carrying a bundle of firewood which he drops unceremoniously to greet her.]

Olivia! Hi there!

[As much as he's trying to hide his worry, he can't help but pull her gently into a hug to try and soothe whatever devastation has befallen her.]

It's good to see you again.

[winces]

[ she is taken aback by the sudden hug, a greeting so unexpected from someone she had only just met twice before — but it certainly not an unwelcome one. her shock lasts only a moment, and what little foundation she'd managed to built upon which to stand begins to crumble, just like she seems to within his metal arms.

turning her face into the heat of his chest, she muffles her own words. ]

I-It's... good to see you too, Rocky.

[ these days, she is in no shortage of hugs and physical comfort... but that doesn't make them any less important. ]

i gave what i gave | riza

[winces]

[ this time, she has no offerings of liquor or stories.

this time, she has only herself, lingering pathetically just outside of riza's tent when the last of the fires have begun to die down, and most others have fallen to rest like normal people would at this hour.

olivia's shadow is highlighted only by the faint embers of a campfire not too far away, and the planet's own moon shining down from high above. she has knelt beside the opening flap of the tent, but for the past five, ten minutes has not yet found the voice to call out to the other woman.

what if, she thinks, what if lancer is there, curled up with her now? a part of olivia doesn't want to disturb that, knowing the other woman deserves that sort of comfort just as much as anyone...

but there is another, smaller part of her that hopes he might be, if only so she can ruin it, as all her future nights now are.

it's this conflict that has her so silent, and even when she finally finds her voice, is it nothing more than a mere whisper. ]

...Riza?

[strictdiscipline]

[Riza's the only one left in the tent for once, Lancer long gone to do...whatever it is Servants do during their wealth of free time, and both Lucina and Sonia rooming with friends elsewhere for the evening. Well—alone save for Hayate, but he's always been more an extension of herself, a second shadow, rather than a separate individual.

Hayate's the one that notes Olivia's presence first, ears perking as he swivels his head to stare at the closed tent flap. Riza's own gaze follows his, and upon noticing the faint shadow cast against the tent wall, crawls out of her bedroll to lift up the flap.]

Olivia? [Looking smaller and more forlorn than Riza's seen her in some time. (Shouldn't she be with Achilles right now, warm and safe?)] Come in.

[And then, once they're both safely ensconced in the tent:]

What's the matter?

[winces]

[ she remains quite small, especially now in this meager tent, trying to occupy as little of the space as possible, knowing none of it is really hers to use. she can't help but glance around, notice the spots normally saved for others, and while she is grateful that none are here now, she also hopes that hadn't been her own doing somehow. ]

Um.

[ it is warmer here within the tent, yet her voice still quivers as if she were still outside in the snow. she hasn't yet met riza's eyes, and the twisting of the fabric between her fingers is sign enough of her sudden regret of ever even speaking up in the first place. ]

I, um. I'm sorry for waking you, I just, um... I didn't want to be alone...

there's one thing i want to say, so i'll be brave | haise

[winces]

[ daily life in the church has been a great distraction. every morning she wakes up, does a couple of chores, showers and eats when she remembers to, give koltira and lucina a call like she promised, then go back to sleep. lather, rinse, repeat.

most days, it's easy to get up, get started, just do things.

but some days...

some days she can barely open her eyes in the morning without crying. some days she wakes up, alone, looking to the great expanse on the cot beside her and remember a time she had felt so much warmer, loved.

those days, like today, she spends almost entirely in bed, dead to the world. ]

[ex_adept136]

[It doesn't take long for Haise to notice a change in the pattern of Olivia's habits, if only because he trains with her every so often. They keep something of a loose schedule, between her guidance with healing and his with judo, and soon enough he suspects that something must have happened. Olivia has far more power to heal with spells than he does, so extensive injury is an alarming though unlikely possibility...

Ultimately, the only way that he can be sure is to check up on Olivia himself, and so Haise makes inquiries and finds she's been staying at the church. Ever since the fire, the recruits have been scattered to some degree, some talking their way into businesses and homes while others set up camp outside of town.

Wasting no time, Haise heads for the chruch without delay. Once he learns which room Olivia is in, he knocks on the door, quite aware that the priest is watching him all the while lest he barge right in]

Olivia, are you there?

[The scent of saline and heather...she's there, he knows. She's there, and she's been crying]

[winces]

[ the crying has, thankfully, petered down into little more than idle tear falls every time she remembers to blink. her body exhausted, she's barely able to turn her head towards the door where haise's voice filters from.

she does not want to see him.

she doesn't want to see him because she doesn't want him to see her, or what's become of her, this small shell of a person who he had only just begun to look up to now that she is helping him with his healing. it is a shame that doesn't burn quite as much as her heartache, but still stings nonetheless. she rolls onto her side some more, turning her back to the door, muffling her own voice. ]

I'm busy...

tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in | shuyi

[winces]

[ finally, there comes a time when olivia gets tired of crying. not just physically tired, but emotionally as well. tired of being so broken, so weak. tired of letting it paralyze her every morning, tired of doing nothing about it.

she is not fully aware of the time when she leaves this message, but she hopes shuyi will be around to see it nonetheless. ]

Miss Shuyi.
I was wondering if I might take you up on your offer now?

text; un: shuyi

[gunah]

[ Shuyi is rarely asleep, not yet used to sleeping through evenings or staying up through the whole day either, and Olivia catches her just waking from one of her naps. Text doesn't communicate urgency that well. ]

Shuyi will do.

Where should we meet, Olivia?

[winces]

[ she is relieved for the speedy response, half-afraid she would have lost her nerve if it had taken any longer. ]

I can meet you wherever you'd like to.

[ ... ]

Perhaps not around the main campsite if
If that's okay...

your ex-lover is dead | twisted fate, koltira

[winces]

[ it is still dark by the time she wakes. there is no particular reason for it, just a phantom urge that draws her back to consciousness, and in the warmth of the extra cot she occupies, she spares a few moments to glance around at the unfamiliar room. it is small, and shared, the late evening or early morning quiet enough that she can hear the heavy, measured breathing of slumber, tucked away on another cot on the other side of the room.

absently, her hand reaches out beneath the covers, and her body rolls — but there is no other body there to meet her, just cloth and the edge of the bed.

it strikes her then, like a thuderclap of a distant but raging storm — the aching in her heart, the deep and overwhelming void of loneliness and loss.

her sobs she tries to keep muffled, head buried and tucked beneath the pull of her blanket. but in the silence of their small room, it is not hard to hear her, the broken sounds of a shattered heart. ]

[fateality]

[The methods in which Twisted Fate has used to mend his own broken heart would probably not usually be the ways he'd suggest it to anyone else, especially not Olivia. The last time it had happened, he found himself more than a few bottles of mourning into bourbon and grumbling to himself about his own foolishness.

Love is a dangerous game, sometimes worth the risk. Sometimes it spits back.

He'd been asleep, comfortably so. It's a bit funny how quickly he's adapting to Koltira's chill, and at the very least the elf's body does warm up to his own eventually. That, and it doesn't hurt to have an extra blanket around. But his brand of life also means sleeping delicately.

Not that he hasn't already been, more so, for awhile now.

Twisted Fate cracks open one faintly glowing eye when he hears the pained sobs, and he does feel a regretful pain of empathy.

He knows.]

Cadence?

[respired]

[ Koltira, of course, does not sleep. More precisely, he hasn't had the wherewithal to give sleep a try just yet, concerned for what dreams may come--but that's a distant problem at present. He had heard Olivia cry, but he hadn't immediately jumped up to comfort her--mostly because he still isn't sure how. He had more skill with these things, once. Years ago.

Now he lies there beside Fate, listening quietly, trying to decide what he can say or do to help ... and then Fate wakes.

He sits up, brushing his long hair back from his face. Quietly: ]

We are here, Olivia.

[ We'll always be here. ]