epidemiology | ( open + closed ) i bet you didn't know that i was dangerous

[ he was secretly hoping for a hug ("secretly," as if he wasn't always hoping for a hug to some degree). he may have just seen Rhys, but that doesn't negate the whole year-long "I thought you were dead" thing somehow. he hugs Rhys back tightly, still thankful even now that it's all over.

he laughs off the comment about his body as he steps into Rhys's room. why are you looking, bro?? ]

You always have to bring that up, don't you? [ he shakes his head in mock disapproval. ] You have like an entire foot on me, dude. Height totally counts for something.

[ Listen, sometimes u just gotta check a bro out. ] Yeeeaaahhh, you're right. [ Was he just fishing for compliments? Possibly. He closes the door behind him, then flops down to sit on the edge of his bed, pulling up his legs to sit criss-cross applesauce as he glances at Vaughn expectantly. ] Soooo?

[ He realizes, belatedly, that this may not be entirely clear. Vaughn knows him pretty well, but he can't read his mind. Yet. He's holding out hope for cool telepathic conversations. He leans over, putting his elbows on his knees and resting his chin in his hands. ] Just to make sure we're on the same page here... tell me everything. Annnd, not that you have to, but, you know. If the urge strikes, I humbly request you do the voices. [ He's dying to hear Vaughn do a Loader Bot impression, just dying. ]

[ he's happy to feed Rhys the compliments he knows he craves. it's what bros do.

he squints at him when he's interrogated, though, crossing his arms. really? voices? ]

Everything? Man. [ he huffs. ] You'd know exactly what page we were on if you were in the library just now.

[ God forbid a man wants to be entertained once in a while! He raises his eyebrows, lost; the confusion is written all over his face as he furrows his brow, frowning. ]

...What, is that, like. An expression or something?

[ About... pages??? And libraries??? ]

[ ...ah. there's a moment of mutual confusion before he realizes he made some kind of weird, completely unintentional book pun. he grimaces, a little ashamed even if he didn't do it on purpose. ugh. ]

—No, I mean I was literally in the library right before this. Before that, I was running around collecting Vault loot. Then suddenly I was back here, and I dropped it all, and then it all just disappeared right in front of me. [ he sighs wistfully, shaking his head. ] It was awful. And embarrassing. What a waste...

[ but he snaps out of his whininess and rallies another moment later, optimism back in full force. ] But, assuming we get dropped back in the same spot when this is over, it'll be fine, right? Plus I'm kinda glad to be back here, to be honest. Even empty-handed.

Oh. Yeah, that— that... makes more sense.

[ He laughs a little, shaking off his own shame about sounding dumb. They're both embarrassed, so it's fine, it cancels out. He laughs again a moment after, saying, ] Oh, yeah, oh my god, you guys were so cute. You were all running around like little kids on Mercenary Day morning. [ He moves his index and middle fingers back and forth to imitate running. You know, just in case Vaughn didn't know what running is??? It just felt like the thing to do. ]

I'm pretty sure they can drop us back there. I hope. I mean, I never did get to see what was in that Vault, sooo. I'm definitely curious. [ He squints, thoughtful. ] What do you think's in it? There was this big box, it's something that fits in a box.

[ yes, that is definitely an accurate depiction of what running looks like. thanks, Rhys. ]

Hmm... [ he glances up at the ceiling in thought. ] Well, outside the Vault was mostly guns and money and stuff, so maybe it's just more money and bigger guns? I dunno, lots of things can fit in a box. Especially if the box is big. It's gotta be a lot cooler than what was outside, which is saying something because that stuff was still pretty awesome. [ he looks back at Rhys and shrugs. maybe the real Vault treasure was the friendships they made along the way?? ] I guess we'll find out as soon as we're done here. Just leave some for me if you get to go back first, will you?

[ Shut up, the journey was not the treasure! Probably. It better not be, he'll be really pissed. ]

Oh, man, more money.

[ The guns don't matter, obviously, because he can't use them. Yet! McCree taught him how to punch ~~good~~ passably, maybe next he can teach Rhys to shoot. He grins, flopping back on his bed for a moment (probably imagining rolling around on a bed of money) before sitting back up. ]

Is it weird?! It was weird for me. It's been, like, forever since you were back here or seen most of these people, right?

[ it's okay, roll around in that imaginary money all you want, bro. believe in your dreams. ]

It's... really weird, yeah. I mean, obviously I just saw you guys, but... I dunno. I have some other stops to make, for sure. [ as if there was any point in trying to be vague. ] I had to come see you first, though, of course. Still really glad you're not dead.

Oooh, other stops.

[ He elbows Vaughn in the ribs a little bit, but backs off after a second, since he's just being annoying; he will expect full details later, though. ]

I'm glad I'm not dead, too. And you. Both of us. ...Pretty much all of us, actually, it was— a bit dicey there for a while. What with the... Vault monster trying to kill us and everything.

[ He grimaces, but after a moment, shrugs his shoulders like it doesn't really matter. Because it doesn't — they all survived, so the precariousness of the situation is irrelevant. ]

Speaking of... I never got to ask you. We're going to be filthy rich, what are you thinking you're gonna do with all that? Stay with the Children of Helios?

[ he rolls his eyes at the jabs, but he can't help smiling in spite of himself. yeah, he knows. ]

Yeah, "dicey" is a good word. [ not that he had anything to do with that. no massive screw-ups on his end. nnnope. ] It shouldn't have worked, honestly. Buuut who cares, right? It worked. Happy endings for everyone.

[ speaking of endings, though, Rhys's question is a good one. he hadn't had much time to think about it, between showing up here almost immediately after and the odds being so stacked against them to begin with. he furrows his brows, shrugging in a resigned kind of way. ]

I kinda have to, don't I? [ he's not really asking for confirmation; he knows he has to stay. ] I can't exactly abandon them. I mean, yeah, some of them are starting to get the hang of things, but they're not called "children" for nothing, you know?

Sooo, are you saying you need to babysit them?

[ That's cute and all, but he frowns anyway. Vaughn has so much more to offer the world than babysitting a group of displaced corporate shills. It's admirable, yeah, but it's also not something he should have to do forever or even for the foreseeable future if he doesn't want to. Admittedly, Rhys can't see why he would want to in the first place, so he's a bit biased. ]

I'm just saying. If you decide you maybe want to do something else, there's always a place for you with Atlas. You could be my number two! Annnd not just because we'd be the only two people working there.

Eh, I dunno. Maybe not "babysit," but they did pick me to lead them. I'm not saying they'd all die without me, but I do feel kinda responsible for their continued existence. It'd definitely be a dick move to just leave them, but... [ he pauses, thinking. ] I guess if I decided to leave I could try to, like... groom a replacement? It's not like it'd be hard. I mean, it wasn't that long ago that I was just like them, so...

[ he's basically just spitballing at this stage, but he grins at Rhys when he brings up Atlas. ]

Oooh, are you offering me a job? I'm flattered. What exactly would I be doing there?

I mean, not so much a job as a share in the company? You're way better with numbers than I am, so you could handle that stuff. And anything else you want to do. If I'm going to trust somebody to not run this thing into the ground before it even starts, it's you.

[ Everyone else is either 1) Pandoran, yuck, or 2) ex-Hyperion, double yuck. Technically, Vaughn is, too, but Rhys doesn't hate him, that's the difference. His competition isn't particularly stiff, but he'd want Vaughn involved in some capacity even if it was; starting something like this is incredibly daunting, but he's been able to handle daunting before with Vaughn around.

He shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly, as if it isn't a big deal. ]

But whatever, it's whatever. Just spitballing.

Hmmm... [ he makes a show of considering this—crossing his arms, squinting hard at the ceiling, rocking back and forth on his heels in mostly-feigned uncertainty. ] I dunno, if it's really "whatever," that might not be enough to sway me one way or the other. Now, if you said you really wanted me, then maybe...

[ he's mostly just being an asshole. mostly. he drops the act and smiles with actual sincerity. ]

No, I'm really glad to hear you'd trust me with that much. It's definitely tempting. I mean, CFO of Atlas? Who'd turn that down? And obviously I'd rather be with you than them, but... [ he tilts his head. here's where the actual uncertainty comes in. ] I wonder if I could really go back to doing that stuff. I might be good at it, but after everything that's happened, it still seems kinda... [ he clicks his tongue. ] Boring. Maybe I could think of something a little more exciting to go with it? No idea what that'd be, but it's not like I don't have time to think about it.

[ he pauses again, suddenly realizing he's rambling, and shrugs. ] Orrr maybe by the time we're done here I'll have had my fill of danger, and I'll be totally ready to go back to financial reports.

[ it's a very distant possibility. ]

[ He should be offended that Vaughn now thinks the corporate world (AKA his world) is boring, but considering the kind of thing he finds exciting, Rhys is actually okay not having an exciting life by his standards. Humming in thought, he makes a doubtful face. ]

Cooonsidering you apparently haven't had your fill of danger yet...

[ If he hasn't grown tired of almost dying now, he probably never will. Rhys, on the other hand, is very okay with never almost dying again. ]

You could always be a Vault Hunter with Fiona. [ He's kidding, he's already displeased that Fiona wants a job with such a low life expectancy; Vaughn will end up handcuffed to him before he gets to do that. ]

[ he snorts. wouldn't that be an interesting sight? ]

Yeah, right. I think we both know I would die immediately. Even I know where to draw the line. Sure, it might be fun to operate near that line, but that's like pole-vaulting over it. [ he pauses, scowling. ] ...Horrible pun not intended.

[ he's thought about Woodhurst quite a bit, though, and it troubles him. he starts pacing around the room a bit, looking surprisingly grim. ]

I dunno, though. I feel like depending on how this mission goes, maybe I will be over that stuff? It's not the kind of thing I can get into at all. I don't want to get sick. I don't want to end up turning into some kind of mindless zombie and hurting people. And I don't want it to happen to any of us, either, but I know that it probably will, and then what? Just keep hugging them until they inevitably infect you, too? [ he stops and rubs at his face, quiet for a moment. ] Sorry. I guess that's been bothering me more than I thought.

Whoa, okay. Um, wow. Heavy stuff.

[ He's not judging, just trying to recalibrate, unprepared for talking about mindless zombieism. He takes a second to do so, making a face while he does so, squinting one eye and scrunching up his nose. ]

I mean, to be fair, you wouldn't be an actual zombie? You'd just be an alive person that tries to kill and eat people. [ That's not reassuring. ] And if you were! Which you probably won't be. [ Probably. He's not so sure what their chances of getting infected are, but it's Vaughn; Rhys always pretends to be more confident, competent, and calm than he actually is around Vaughn. ] I would totally hug you back to humanity, so it's not even a problem.

Yeah, okay, whatever, semantics. [ he huffs a little, but he can't be mad, especially not after that totally heartwarming addition about the healing power of hugs. aww. he breaks back into a smile pretty much immediately. he's still a sucker. ]

Thanks, Rhys. I'd do the same for you, of course, though I'd vastly prefer to skip the not-zombie part entirely and just get straight to the hugging. Buuut I guess that wouldn't be much of a mission, would it?

[ Ugh, Vaughn's so soft and pure, disgusting. He raises his hand, waving it in a so-so gesture. ]

Iiii mean. You can't say for sure that there isn't a world that couldn't be saved by us hugging, I'm not ruling it out. Buuut yeah, I'm looking forward to a mission where we just get to, like. Cuddle puppies. But knowing our luck, they'd be puppies that are secretly evil robots hell-bent on destroying humanity as we know it or something.

[ he nods with much feigned somberness. ]

Of course they would be. Why can't we have nice, cuddly things? It's just not fair. Do you think we should complain? I'm gonna complain.

Oh, my god, yes, yes, you should. Stick it to the man.

[ Is that what people say? Is it even applicable in this situation? He sounds a little unsure, but keeps going. ]

But in the meantime — you know, before our petition to get to puppy-cuddling-world is reviewed — you seriously have nothing to worry about with the... zombies. [ Yes, technically they're not zombies, but come on. They're zombies. ] Prrrobably? I know that sounds unsure—

[ He pauses like he's planning on continuing, but ends up not saying anything. He's got nuthin'. ]

[ he raises a fist in solidarity. fuck yeah, puppies. ]

Will do.

[ ...and then he drops it, because they're back to Serious Mission Talk. which is fine with him, honestly, even if he seems apprehensive. it helps to talk about it. or it helps him to talk about it, anyway. ]

...Yeah, I dunno. Hopefully you're right, but it's hard not to worry, you know? Maybe that sounds weird coming from me, but it's just... complicated, I guess. Like, the dossier says that if we can't find a cure, we just have to kill everyone who's infected. I really don't wanna do that. Especially if it applies to us, too.

Yeah, that's. Not... good.

[ To say the least. He frowns, staring down at his shoes; obviously, he'd rather not dwell — it's depressing — but it's hard to just go "...ANYWAY" to something this somber. ]

Sooo... yyyyyyyeah.

[ fortunately, when you've been best friends with someone for years and years, it's easy to read them. and Rhys is obviously uncomfortable with the dark turn this has taken, so he throws up his arms in sudden enthusiasm and smiles... somewhat convincingly. at least he's trying. ]

But, hey, you get to be a billionaire, right? Just what you always wanted!

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