we bought a zoo (semi-open? ish? i think?)

[skelepun]

CHARACTERS: Sans, Papyrus, Mettaton, Undyne, + whoever they bring into their den of monstrous iniquity.
DATE: March 13th-March 23rd
WARNINGS: Fun kidnapping and Mettaton's here so who knows honestly
SUMMARY: Sans and Mettaton stole a kid, so now they have one of those. Don't worry, it's chill.

General prompt log for Monsterhaus shenanigans. Feel free to jump on any of them and thread it out w/anybody!

march 13th; yeah this is still happening.

Since Sans formally settled in to their temporary apartment, the tide of mess was inevitable. It started with socks, graduating slowly to bowls of half finished cereal, advancing to a literally nest of sheets and blankets swathing over the entire couch.

To say nothing of the seven year old child inside those sheets and blankets, watching a grainy VHS version of The Little Mollusk for what must've been the twentieth time in two days. Who is she? Where'd she come from? If Sans and Mettaton aren't around to explain, don't worry. Sans left a post-it note, helpfully attached to the side of the little girl's head.

don't worry about it.

She doesn't seem to mind.

march 18th; run childcare.exe.

What do a group of adult monsters know best? Entertaining human children, that's what.

Suffice to say, the boredom-induced damage on their apartment was mounting steadily by the day. A grape juice stain from several days prior is all but encrusted into the couch (apparently it looked enough like Undyne for Sans to sharpie and eye patch over it), fruit rollup wrappers are everywhere, and the girl herself is starting to smell.

Whether the strategy is amusing her, teaching her, feeding her properly, or simply hosing her off in the courtyard, someone's going to have to step up to make sure this kid doesn't die of boredom and an overdose of high-fructose corn syrup.

march wheneverth; wildcard.

(( Whatever you wanna do! Cooking lessons? Simply hanging out in the house, no kid whatsoever? Consider it a catchall, friends. And lemme know if you want me to write you a custom Sans starter.))

Comments

[boneafide]

NO, WE'RE GOING TO THE KITCHEN.

[ And he goes to the kitchen. Because he's not going to drag you. If you want to keep this conversation, you're going to have to go there!! Ha!! ]

[headlining]

[ANGRILY GOES TO THE KITCHEN IN AN ANGRY MANNER]

Papyrus...Papyrus... [He's not shouting anymore at the least, but he's pinching the bridge of his nose in complete exasperation.]

Please, for the love of everything that is good in this world, please tell me this is some kind of joke. Please. That's all I need to hear right now.

[boneafide]

Keats, you really need to calm down, or you're going to scare her!

[ Because so far, a house full of monsters hasn't done it. ]

It's alright, really! I've done this before!

[headlining]

...

Say that one more time. I must have not heard it right.

1/2 again i know

[boneafide]

Really Keats? I'm the one without ears.

[boneafide]

[And, exactly as he said it before:]

Keats, you really need to calm down, or you're going to scare her!

It's alright, really! I've done this before!

[headlining]

[oh]

[my]

[god]

THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE KIDNAPPED A CHILD?

[boneafide]

It was for a good reason! Both of them! I couldn't just leave Frisk passed out in the cold after we fought, and Sans couldn't leave this human girl in the mall, when he couldn't find her mother!

[headlining]

Why in the world would you fight a child?! [this can't be happening right now, this has to be a dream, he'll wake up and everything will be nice and reasonable and this will NOT BE A THING]

Why didn't you take her to the police? Papyrus, if people discover you have a child that isn't yours, they'll arrest you! Because kidnapping is a crime! A CRIME!!

1/4

[skelepun]

[Behind Keats, Sans suddenly appears in front of the fridge, yawning and half dressed. Yes it's 4PM. Yes he's only just waking up. Gotta get that grub on, yo.]

2/4

[skelepun]

[glance @ papyrus.......]

3/4

[skelepun]

[glance @ keats.............]

4/4

[skelepun]

[aaaaand, he's gone. again. good luck, bro. he's going to benny's.]

[boneafide]

I had to stop them from going anywhere! But this was a long time ago now!! And I took care of them very well afterwards!

[Oh hi Sans. A small wave.]

I-It's not a crime to help someone! Sans told me he didn't see her parents anywhere, and there were Infected people! He didn't want her getting sick too! We're not going to keep her after everyone's cured, and it'll be fine!

[headlining]

[S I G H S]

Okay, okay, fine. I mean, I get why you did this, but...

[He glances towards the room where the kid is.]

Like I said, you could get in trouble for this. You have to return her, or give her to the authorities. You can't keep her now, Papyrus.

[boneafide]

People are having a lot of problems right now, Keats.

[ And he's being real right now, sounds genuinely fucking worried. ]

The police have a lot to do!! I could ask Koltira if he could take her, but...

But she's safest here, for now, and you know it! None of us can get infected, and we can all protect her if trouble comes here! I promise we'll give her back when the mission is over! You have to trust us!

[headlining]

Oh please, for the love of god, don't give her to Koltira.

[He says, automatically, because even though he's tried his best not to be so judgemental of Koltira...he's still pretty judgemental of Koltira.]

How are you going to explain it when you give her back? If you get arrested, I can't say any of us are particularly willing to stage a prison break out of the blue.

[boneafide]

Well, he's the only police officer I know!

[ So there you go, reason enough to not give her to the police. ]

Sans would.

[ A true brother will break you out of jail at any given moment. ]

[headlining]

Please get to know other police officers.

[MOVING ON...]

I know Sans would, but still, we can't have you stuck in jail while we're trying to get to the bottom of this zombie apocalypse.

[He folds his arms, giving Papyrus a stern look.]

As far as it looks, though, it doesn't seem like any of you know how to take care of the poor girl.

[boneafide]

[ Papyrus crosses his arms as well. ]

What are we doing wrong? If you're going to complain about food, I'm making her dinner right now.

[ Which is... ravioli. But actual, hand-made, ravioli, which looks 100% actually decent. But that's because Ban step-by-step taught it to him. ]

If you're going to complain about the movie, she really likes that one, for some reason, so that's why she's watching it more than once, the fort made of sheets is entirely kid-friendly! I just haven't gotten around to cleaning Sans' cereal bowls yet!

[headlining]

First off, you need to wash her. If she remains dirty like that, she's going to catch an illness. And don't feed her just sweets, good lord, even if she asks for them.

[He lets out a huff. He's no good at parenting himself, but he, at the very least, knows how to take care of a kid.]

You need to change her clothes, too. Do you have any?

[boneafide]

I haven't been feeding her sweets, if she got them, she got them from someone else. I can't control everyone else, Keats! And I don't know how humans bathe! So if you'd like to help out with that, be my guest!

[ Huff huff. Still, he calms down a little, even if Keats is being EXTREMELY condescending. ]

...I don't have any clothes that would fit her right, but I could go find some, if you give her a bath. Please?