we bought a zoo (semi-open? ish? i think?)

[skelepun]

CHARACTERS: Sans, Papyrus, Mettaton, Undyne, + whoever they bring into their den of monstrous iniquity.
DATE: March 13th-March 23rd
WARNINGS: Fun kidnapping and Mettaton's here so who knows honestly
SUMMARY: Sans and Mettaton stole a kid, so now they have one of those. Don't worry, it's chill.

General prompt log for Monsterhaus shenanigans. Feel free to jump on any of them and thread it out w/anybody!

march 13th; yeah this is still happening.

Since Sans formally settled in to their temporary apartment, the tide of mess was inevitable. It started with socks, graduating slowly to bowls of half finished cereal, advancing to a literally nest of sheets and blankets swathing over the entire couch.

To say nothing of the seven year old child inside those sheets and blankets, watching a grainy VHS version of The Little Mollusk for what must've been the twentieth time in two days. Who is she? Where'd she come from? If Sans and Mettaton aren't around to explain, don't worry. Sans left a post-it note, helpfully attached to the side of the little girl's head.

don't worry about it.

She doesn't seem to mind.

march 18th; run childcare.exe.

What do a group of adult monsters know best? Entertaining human children, that's what.

Suffice to say, the boredom-induced damage on their apartment was mounting steadily by the day. A grape juice stain from several days prior is all but encrusted into the couch (apparently it looked enough like Undyne for Sans to sharpie and eye patch over it), fruit rollup wrappers are everywhere, and the girl herself is starting to smell.

Whether the strategy is amusing her, teaching her, feeding her properly, or simply hosing her off in the courtyard, someone's going to have to step up to make sure this kid doesn't die of boredom and an overdose of high-fructose corn syrup.

march wheneverth; wildcard.

(( Whatever you wanna do! Cooking lessons? Simply hanging out in the house, no kid whatsoever? Consider it a catchall, friends. And lemme know if you want me to write you a custom Sans starter.))

Comments

not here (yet)

[aspearation]

[ THE BOTH OF YOU

PUT THAT THING BACK WHERE IT CAME FROM OR SO HELP ME?! ]

march 13th

[headlining]

[Keats is here not only to just check in to see what Mettaton is up to, but to collect his very-needed prize of Mettaton's statue. It's his now. Mettaton can't argue against it.]

[Except...there's a kid here. Not a kid he knows, and definitely not a kid he expected to be here in the first place. He's not expecting a kid at all. The post-it note only adds to the confusion. He can't be hallucinating this, right?]

[He bends down, his tone turning sweet as he addresses the girl directly:] And what is a little one like you doing here?

[As he says that, his eyes are glancing over the apartment, hoping that somebody, anybody, will tell him what in the world is going on.]

i know keats wanted to see his bf but deal with this bff first

[boneafide]

Oh!! HELLO, KEATS!

[ Didn't anyone ever think, "man, what a bad idea it'd be, to have Sans, Papyrus, Mettaton, and Undyne living in the same house"? No? They should have. ]

I see you've met my new daughter!!

[ soMEONE PLEASE TELL PAPYRUS HE CAN'T KEEP ADOPTING PEOPLE ]

its okay, he'll take his bff any day

[headlining]

Your...new daughter?

[He looks down at the girl. Then back up at Papyrus. Then back at the girl.]

Uh...well, I don't know if you've noticed this, Papyrus, but she isn't a skeleton.

[boneafide]

Keats, we really have to work on your "says the obvious a lot" thing!

None of my children are skeletons, Keats!! I mean, they have one, inside of them, but it has to finish growing first, obviously!

[headlining]

...That's a horrifying mental image that I never want to hear you say ever again.

[THIS IS SO CONFUSING]

Why is she here? Where are her actual parents, Papyrus?

1/2

[boneafide]

Sans found her in the mall!

2/2

[boneafide]

And then he made a really bad joke about how adults were full price, but kids were half-off.

1/2

[headlining]

[Keats just smiles down at the child.]

Could you cover your ears for me, just for a few seconds?

2/2

[headlining]

[When she manages to get her hands over her ears, he's no longer sweet.]

[Quite the opposite.]

YOU KIDNAPPED A CHILD? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??!?!

[boneafide]

SHE DEFINITELY COULD HEAR THAT KEATS!! AT LEAST LET'S TAKE THIS TO THE KITCHEN!!

[headlining]

[nope he's still going to yell about this]

YOU LITERALLY KIDNAPPED A HUMAN CHILD, ARE YOU AND SANS COMPLETELY MENTAL?!?!?!

[boneafide]

NO, WE'RE GOING TO THE KITCHEN.

[ And he goes to the kitchen. Because he's not going to drag you. If you want to keep this conversation, you're going to have to go there!! Ha!! ]

[headlining]

[ANGRILY GOES TO THE KITCHEN IN AN ANGRY MANNER]

Papyrus...Papyrus... [He's not shouting anymore at the least, but he's pinching the bridge of his nose in complete exasperation.]

Please, for the love of everything that is good in this world, please tell me this is some kind of joke. Please. That's all I need to hear right now.

[ex_mettacrusher33]

[By the time Mettaton actually arrives, all that greets him in the living room is 1) a horrendous mess, what the hell, Sans and 2) their guest standing in the middle of the floor with a post-it note on her head and her hands over her ears. Mettaton strides over to her, plucking the note out of her hair and nudging her hands away. She stares up at him with big, smiling eyes and tugs on his shirt.]

"A detective came and told me to cover my ears. Then he took Momma Papyrus to the kitchen and yelled at him. Am I getting arrested?"

[A detective? Mettaton glances toward the kitchen doorway.]

Sweetheart, why do you think you're the one getting arrested?

[The girl shuffles from foot to foot and shrugs.]

"Auntie Undyne said not to give Dogberry any more cereal."

[Ha...] How much cereal did you give him?

"...a lot."

[He ruffles her hair.] Thata girl. [She giggles before running off to her (ugh) nest of sheets. Vowing to pick that up later, Mettaton makes his way toward the kitchen.

Oh.

It's Keats.

Mettaton gives Papyrus a wave before turning back toward the living room.]

[headlining]

[Oh, he sees Mettaton over there, YOU CAN'T RUN FROM HIM, YOU CAN'T HIDE]

[He'll turn in the other's direction, raising his voice to get his attention.]

Hey! Hey now, where do you think you're going?

[ex_mettacrusher33]

The opposite direction of you. I thought that was clear.

[He's smirking.

The girl's crawling out of her nest to point at Keats.]

"That's the detective. Tell him I like it here."

He's not a detective, beautiful. He's just a dork.

[headlining]

I'm not a dork.

[He pushes up his glasses with a scowl, though instantly, that scowl turns upside down when he addresses the girl.]

Not a detective, either, sweetheart. I'm a journalist. [And then back to grumpy with Mettaton.] You didn't enable this whole thing, did you?

i thought of your MOM

[ex_mettacrusher33]

...

[What the hell is this? What is that- What is that thing Keats is doing with his mouth?? Is that a...? No. That can't be.

Is that a smile? That isn't completely out of spite or due to a drunken stupor? What is...

There's a tug on his wrist. It's Charlie, staring up at him with her big eyes.]

"What are you looking at, Uncle Tonton?"

A miracle. It's fine. [Ahem.]

No. I didn't. I told Sans--

[Charlie's bouncing towards Keats, excitedly grabbing at his coat and pointing at Mettaton.]

"He's a robot!!"

[...SIGH.]

WOW

[headlining]

Is he, now? [This is like a completely different Keats - he's just smiling down at the girl, even raising his voice up into a sweeter octave.] But he doesn't look like a robot to me. He doesn't even make robot noises.

[He glances back at Mettaton, his voice normal:] Well, someone is going to have quite the story when they're reunited with their parents.

don't just text me "mom" upside-down, you monster

[ex_mettacrusher33]

[Mettaton's about to open his mouth, but Charlie just... continues to talk. She's so excited for another friendly adult, not-talking just doesn't seem like an option.]

"He does! He makes a smoke-cloud and then POOF!! He's a big, scary robot on one wheel and big, metal hands!!! But I'm a better singer than him, so I defeated him and now I get to keep his room!" [Her eyes somehow light up even more before she runs back to the couch, digging back through her pile of sheets and pulls out...

Oh. Oh no.

Mettaton already has his face in his hands when Charlie waves the ice sculpture of him at Keats.]

"He looks like this!! See??"

the cyber harrassment will continue until morale improves

[headlining]

Does he, now?

[Now he's just staring straight at Mettaton with a look that really, clearly says "WE WILL DEFINITELY DISCUSS THIS LATER, YOU IMBECILE".]

[He's about to continue talking, though when Charlie brings out the ice sculpture, the one that he came here to get, he's speechless for a moment.]

That's a funny-looking thing. [Ha ha ha...] By the way...Charlie, was it? I do believe that doesn't belong to you. It was a gift for someone.

!!

[ex_mettacrusher33]

[The look Mettaton is shooting back can be easily surmised as "the guilty and distressed look a cat gives its owner when it's caught shredding paper-towels while under the impression that they were bought specifically for them to scratch." He points to the kitchen, to where Papyrus still is.

Whether he means that as "don't argue with me while Papyrus is here" or "blame a skeleton," the intention behind the motion never becomes clear. Charlie has made it her duty to be the biggest distraction in the room right now.

She gapes up at Keats, clutching the statue to her chest.]

"I found it in his room! He said it was my room, so it's mine! Right, Uncle Tonton? I won it!"

Ah... About that, sweetheart...

[He's never seen her look this angry and affronted before.] "But you said I won it!! No one's gonna believe me if I don't show them!"

[Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh...

...Hm.

Ha. Hahahahaha...]

Here's an idea! How about another game? If you win, the statue is yours. If Keats wins, then it belongs to him. Is that fair?

[headlining]

What, a game? Are you...

[He looks down at the girl, who seems very adamant that the sculpture is hers. He glances back at Mettaton. He could very well be rude and just ask her to give it to him, but...he can't.]

[He just can't.]

Fine. [Sometimes he hates having a soft spot, he does. It's annoying.] What is it?

MONSTER PILE

[skelepun]

[Eventually Sans comes back from Benny's, which means, eventually, appearing in their apartment. Still in his sleep clothes, still smelling of grease, and still with a few french fries tucked away into his pocket.

And wouldn't you know it, Keats is still here.

From his new spot in the living room, it's impossible to duck the man's eyeline. Still, Sans waves, as if he hasn't a care in the world, and walks over to where Charlie's sitting on the couch.]

Heya kid, what're we watching?

[Don't come over, don't call him, pretend he isn't even here.]