EVENT ▸ RETURN TO HQ

[futurologists]

RETURN TO HQ After a tough mission, it's time to return to Headquarters for a well-earned rest. Hathaway's medics and healers are there to patch up any lingering injuries (as are any teammates with healing abilities!), everyone's room is tidied up for them, and the entirety of Hathaway HQ is ripe for exploring. Take your time -- you earned it. Also sharing downtime at HQ are Guilds Horatio, Montague, and Watchman, composed of humanoids of various shapes and sizes. Temporary pop-up shops down in the promenade include a spa where one can get a manicure, pedicure, or other beautifying procedures; a yoga studio; and an imported salt cave for meditation. After a few days of silent relaxation, members of Guild Ophelia will all receive a text message on their magitek from Imogen -- their Guild Master, if they don't remember. Imogen, while not directly involved in any world-saving affairs, has a rather sizable amount of inheritance that she puts towards the Hathaway cause. Specifically, she uses it to finance Ophelia's endeavors. This sort of makes her in charge, or as much in charge of this rag-tag team as any one person can be. Hello, Ophelia! Once again, allow me to congratulate you on your successful mission in Hanabira. I hear the wedding went smashingly. Hathaway's analysts should rift down someone to check in on your success in several years, but the mathematicians are confident your solution has brought peace to the region. One should never rest on their laurels, however. From what I've seen in magitek messages, this guild is sorely lacking in the ability to work together and trust all guildmates, regardless of who they are. I've spotted more than a few barbs exchanged. Hanabira will be only an exception if you continue to behave this way. We'll be conducting guild bonding exercises today. While they are not mandatory, I assure you I've procured incentive for you all to participate. It isn't cheap to finance your exploits, and I won't spend my resources on a group of ruffians slinging insults at each other. Meet by the memorial fountain in one hour, and do try to bring a positive attitude. Your Guild Master, Imogen Those who choose to participate will find Imogen, a very prim and graceful elf dressed in elaborately embroidered robes, standing near the fountain. She greets everyone by name -- "nice to see you" and "glad you could make it" -- before directing them to the training rooms on the upper deck. The training rooms include run-of-the-mill exercise equipment and the training simulation room, both of which are free to use by participants and non-participants alike. A tall, strong-looking man whom some may recognize as their recruiter is making use of the equipment. His name is Khalef, and he is happy to answer questions about the training facilities or anything else about Hathaway. Between exercises, Imogen is available at the memorial fountain to chat but she's otherwise busy with paperwork. ▸ SECRETS Two partners sit in a room furnished only with two (very comfy, if it matters) chairs and a table between them. On the table sits -- floats, really -- a colorful orb, softly glowing. It is comfortably warm to the touch. The instructions automatically flash across the participants' magitek, thanking them for participating and asking them both to answer the following questions with complete honesty to gain the most from this exercise. Then, the first question pops up: What is something you like about your exercise partner? It seems simple enough. If a participant tells the truth, they will notice the orb's glow brightening, almost as if it is starting to flame. If a participant lies, they will notice the orb's glow dimming. Otherwise, there is no penalty for lying. The questions slowly get more personal, with the aim of getting the two partners to open up to each other: If a crystal ball could tell you the future, what would you want to know? What’s the one thing you would like to change about yourself? What are you most proud of accomplishing? What do you think existed before the universe was created? What do you think is the worst crime a human could commit? Do you think jealousy has value in driving people to improve themselves, or is it a purely negative emotion? If you could start your life over, what would you do differently? If you were given only one week to live, how would you spend it? Who had the greatest impact on your life? What was it? What’s the difference between justice and revenge? Is it possible to live a normal life and not ever tell a lie? Do the ends justify the means? Are some people’s lives worth more than others? Why or why not? Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share..." If a loved one died, but someone created a perfect copy, would they be the same person and would you love them just as much? If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. ( Mod note: the above are just ideas! You can pick and choose, or come up with your own. Whatever is most fun for you! ) If the two partners truthfully answer their questions, the orb will eventually catch fire, although it will curiously still remain only pleasantly warm if anyone attempts to touch it. It will blaze until it burns out, leaving two small marble replicas in its place. When one of the partners grasps it in their hand, they will be able to see through the other partner's eyes for one minute (although they will not be aware of their own surroundings, so you might want to be in a safe area). The other partner will be aware of this and able to sever the link by removing the marble from their person. These items are bound to their owners and cannot be used by others. If one or both partners lie, the orb will eventually fizzle out entirely, and the magitek will inform them that the exercise was failed due to deceit. ▸ RIFTING Next, guild members are directed to the rifting pad located on the upper deck. Technicians scurry about in the rifting area, spinning dials and taking readings, as volunteers are directed to stand on the rifting pad and wait. It's just like rifting to a different universe for a mission -- the world goes bright and then, in a flash, you're standing somewhere else -- except the technicians emphatically explain this is not a mission. It's still part of the training exercise, you see! Participants have been rifted to an unpopulated garden planet, in the middle of a forest clearing. The grass is tall -- nearly 150 cm in height -- and is surrounded on all sides by forest. A notice pops up on your magitek that informs you there is no aggressive local wildlife, but there are aggressive plants: including, unfortunately, your goal for this part of the exercise. Spread throughout the forest are aggressive willow trees, sentient flora that will lash out with sharp, clawlike branches at anyone who comes too close. The branches have incredible reach, but the trees have no other defense, and are rooted to the spot so they are also unable to maneuver. The goal of the exercise is to gather as many willow seeds as possible, ostensibly without hurting the trees themselves. Willow seeds are around the size of a small marble and have a fluffy attachment that will allow them to blow away on the wind; you can scour the forest in search of them, of course, but the highest concentration is below the willows themselves. Once participants feel they have gathered enough seeds -- or if they simply want to give up -- they need only speak to the rift technicians via magitek and they will return back to Headquarters immediately. The participants will each receive a pot of soil and a seed to plant within it. The plant that sprouts from it will be no ordinary plant; it will require no water to sustain itself, but it will require something else: friendship. As the relationship between the two participants strengthens, the plant will grow, its appearance representing how the other participant feels about the plant owner -- pink and red blooms may represent romantic love, whereas bright, multi-colored petals may simply represent a strong friendship or budding blooms may represent... well, a budding friendship. (Of course, there's no "flower guide", so it's up to them to decide how to interpret this.) As the relationship weakens, the plant will wilt and, if the relationship turns sour enough, die. So take care of your relationship and take care of your plant! ▸ COMPOSURE This exercise completed, participants are free to return to the first deck and go about their business. But on the elevator back down from the rifting pad, the elevator suddenly jerks violently and then stalls. You're stuck! The emergency button doesn't seem to be working, no matter how many times you press it. And for that matter, no messages seem to be going through the magitek, either. You're effectively trapped in here with whomever you stepped aboard -- a friend, an acquaintance, or even a stranger. But don't panic -- surely Hathaway hired you for your ingenuity and not just your pretty face, right? The elevator can be broken out of in a number of ways: If you brute strength the doors open, you'll find that the elevator is stuck halfway between floors. This means that you must either climb up or down to escape the narrow opening, and, if your partner isn't the athletic type, help them out as well. If you hack the elevator's control panel (prying the panel door off first, obviously), you may be able to guide it up and down the shaft. Depending on your expertise in this sort of thing, the ride may be jerky and uncomfortable, and there's always a risk of the elevator plummeting down to the bottom if you lose control -- although strangely, there's never any impact if this happens, only the elevator springing back up the shaft after the fall. Either way, you should be able to figure out how to get the doors open. If you open the access hatch at the top of the elevator, you'll be granted access to the elevator shaft. It's a dimly lit tunnel of cables and wires, and unless you're lucky enough to find a service ladder in the midst of all of it, you'll have to use the cables to climb. It's dangerous -- you could lose your footing at any moment and slam back down onto the elevator below -- but you should be able to find a door eventually. And then it's only a matter of figuring out how to get it open. Or you could try a combination of these, or something entirely different! No matter what method you choose, once you find your way onto solid ground, your magitek will light up: Congratulations! You passed the final exercise. Rest assured, you were never in any real danger, I promise! Your Guild Master, Imogen Indeed, if you found yourself falling too far down the shaft, you would have found yourself instantly buffeted by invisible winds to keep your landing soft -- and if you found yourself unable to find a way to escape within two hours, the elevator would automatically start up again. Those who succeed will receive a flashlight that does not seem to work at first; however, it is capable of taking and storing light from its immediate surroundings, which it can then release into similar light sources or, in the absence of those, floating orbs of light. It is incapable of taking light out of an entire building, for an example, but can darken a room. ▸ OOC NOTES If you have questions about this log, please direct them to this comment on the plotting post. Questions about the game in general can be directed to the FAQ. ▸ Up now: Hanabira Bounty Board is still open! Bounties must be turned in by the start of the next mission on 15 April. Congratulations, Guild Ophelia now has an official uniform! The uniforms may be modified in any way characters like. The FAQ and Headquarters pages have been updated to include the uniform information. ▸ Coming next: 25 March: Mandatory How's My Driving meme. Participation is required to pass March AC. 28 March: April calendar, including news about apps. 01 April: March AC begins, ending on 5 April 23:59 UTC. ▸ Plotting ▸ Hathaway Headquarters ▸ Hanabira Bounty Board ▸ March Calendar

Comments

[sololoquy]

[Oh. He said something wrong, probably. His expression relaxes some, trending back to awkwardness. It is easy for him to forget that — someone actually has genuinely nice things to say to him, sometimes. Still, it sounded like flattery. He is pretty sure it was flattery.

The bar is positioned somewhere at the center of the earth. When someone corrects you after you have acknowledged your failures: a concept.]

No.

[Was it a rhetorical question? He answers like he isn’t sure whether or not she is looking for a real answer herself.]

If I wanted you gone, I would have told you to leave.

[Duh.]

[forcevisions]

[ That's what she'd thought up until he made offering compliments sound like a criticism of her. (To be fair, now, in retrospect, she recognizes that may have been entirely her perception and none of his tone.)

Still. Hearing him say it out loud, Rey feels her chest simultaneously tighten and loosen. She gets it, Finn. She does. Nauseous excitement and nervousness and all the paradoxical feelings that went along with it. Achievement unlocked: admitting you want to be in each other's company for the sake of it. ]

Alright.

[ Nailed it. Unfortunately that leaves Rey to parse how flattery had gone wrong and what comes after 'yes, I would like to be in your present beyond necessity.' Someone help these idiots. ]

I wasn't being insincere. [ Her defense is less, this time. ] Everything I said was true. You're good enough with customs and politics that you got by even though our approach wasn't how you'd have handled it on your own.

Me, I was just … [ She gives a gesture of disappointment. Perhaps a nosedive. Then, soberly, ] It was humiliating. The whole thing. [ She'd talked to Thrawn about it. She can't talk to him about it now. ] I'd never felt ashamed of what I am until we were in Hanabira.

[ Which is all to say she agrees, of course, that she can't wait for a mission that's better suited to their skills. Just … she thinks his skills are a little different than hers. He has a refinement that she doesn't. They may both be impulsive, but she's rough around the edges. Straight outta Jakku.

Anyway, she figures this is welcome given his open distaste for Hanabira. He might be surprised to hear how visceral her discomfort was as well. ]

[sololoquy]

[He could say something to make her feel better. Remind her that he was raised in the middle of a Republic capitol, that he’d been surrounded by that life for most of his time growing up — but the thought of acknowledging it makes his stomach churn. Really, the fact that he picks up on his desire to fix his mistake at all is uncomfortable beyond words.

But eventually, he settles on a more appropriate response that doesn’t apologize for his own advantages.]

Don’t be upset.

[Nailed it.]

Not everyone responds well to the game. Even those who know how to play.

[She’d have a better time with it if she weren’t so honest — if she didn’t empathize quite so much. But he doesn’t really know how to voice that advice, or if he really wants to. Rey had plenty of strengeths of her own that had nothing to do with politica.

She’d last a lot longer on a desert planet than he would, for example.]

[forcevisions]

[ She had chased Thrawn down for a way to correct herself, to fix some fundamentally failing aspect and prepare herself for an environment that she was never raised for. Most others who she had conveyed her feelings of inadequacy to had also drifted in the same direction — reinforcing her desire to fix it, to mitigate that failing.

Even after it had been these same failings to some degree which had caused her to make such an abysmal error in judgment with Thrawn, to expose them, Ben offers instead 'don't be upset.' Assurance that it doesn't have to be her strength.

She certainly hadn't expected that from him of all people. She doesn't quite know what to do with it, but she knows that she appreciates it, however stilted the delivery. It reminds her of the glimpse he'd given her of Chandrila. In these little ways, even though it doesn't come naturally to him, he — cares for her.

A smile tugs at her mouth as she looks up at him, gentle and grateful and for him.

For a moment after that, her eyes scan him, but whatever it was in consideration of, she wimps out and instead leans back on ambient conversation. ] Still. Like you said, I'll be glad when we play a different game. [ One she's better at. ] They sent out that announcement about the elective mission. Are you going?

[sololoquy]

[He exhales out of his nose thoughtfully, folding his arms in front of him while he more seriously considers his response.]

I hadn't decided.

[There hadn't been much information, except that they were to be helping new recruits with whatever the mission perimeters were. That could be anything -- and anyone.]

Admittedly, it has been a trying week.

[forcevisions]

With the exercises? Yeah.

[ Rey huffs out a breath. Somehow, those felt more laborious to her than climbing around in the guts of a Star Destroyer. ]

I think I will. [ Even without much information, Rey has that 'if I can help, I should help' attitude. And it'd be nice to get a break from trust exercises and team bonding, to get to know some of the new recruits to Guild Ophelia. ] And And hope that it's not more politics.

[sololoquy]

[He doesn't bother to note that he hadn't really participated in those exercises -- definitely not to the level they were likely expected to. Having the freedom to choose whether or not he had to do something that needed to be done is also a new concept for him.]

It might be.

[And judging by his tone, that's probably a big factor as to why he isn't sure whether or not he wants to go. He considers his reply for a moment, and narrows his eyes a touch as a thought occurs to him.]

I suppose it would also depend on who else was choosing to opt in.

[Not just Rey -- but Thrawn. Dameron.]

[forcevisions]

Because you want to observe him or you want to avoid him?

[ She guesses Thrawn, but not Poe. At this point, she makes a small gesture to his table, as if questioning if she can invite herself to sit at it. To actually settle in here instead of linger awkwardly. She wants to settle into his space, his life, and feel at home there. ]

[sololoquy]

[He doesn't quite understand the gesture out of hand, but finds himself nodding anyway before he's figured out what she is wanting out of him. The answer to her verbal question is probably both things, but Kylo isn't about to admit out loud that he is kind of scared of Thrawn, so:]

Observation is the only way we may find potential exploitation points.

[Thrawn had no doubt been doing the same since they met him.]

[forcevisions]

[ She settles into one of the chairs at the small table, leaning one elbow on it so she can face him still, looking up. Somehow she doesn't expect he'll make himself comfortable — she wasn't sure he knew what the word comfortable meant. Hulking awkward crow for life. But she's going to settle in. ]

Be careful.

[ She's afraid for him. Not being able to get to him quickly enough to intervene with what Loki had done had — well, it felt like a piece of her had split open. She never wanted to feel that again. ]

[sololoquy]

He is bound to the same restrictions we are...

[He has something to lose. A great deal more than Rey — maybe not more than him. Hathaway was the easy ticket to victory, but so far it hadn’t been confirmed to be the only ticket. He had needed to calm down to recognize that, but here is some conviction in his voice. He won’t get away with threatening his future.]

Something to consider.

[He turns to face Rey, but predictably does not seat himself.]

[forcevisions]

[ It hadn't occurred to her until he says it, but yes. Thrawn is more subject to the rules of engagement that Hathaway has laid out than they are. His existence, his future, depends upon it. But ... ]

He's slippery.

[ If anyone could find a loophole to exploit, it would be him. Well before them. And they will indeed be looking for loopholes in order to undermine and sabotage him. They have to. ]

He was going to teach me how to do all of this. [ She finally gives that grief a voice. He was going to help her. He was— He had embraced the role she had foisted upon him, as Han was ready to before he was taken from her (it seems so distant now, a separate life, and dissonant with the affection that she looks on Ben with now). ] He tried to tell me he didn't want anything from me. He can make himself look innocent to Hathaway.

[sololoquy]

So can we. We have more direct influence in that regard.

[Now, he approaches her some, because he knows that she isn’t going to like that implication. They had the Force. Thrawn only had pretty words. But Rey was raised in the desert, where everything was a fight.

He can appeal to that. He understands that, from a different perspective.]

If he will not fight cleanly, then neither should we.

[forcevisions]

[ He's right. It's about survival now, and there's little Rey won't do to survive. She tightens her jaw at the implication. If he could, she is sure Ben would solve all his problems with the Force. But she hasn't relied on it properly for long enough to be the same. ]

And risk our place here because we tried to use it on someone whose own power we didn't understand. [ Survival is important. But surviving more often meant being smart than being aggressive. She knew better than to pick fights further up the food chain for no reason. Especially when she'd have to leave Urahara and Keith if she did. ] The Force isn't a shortcut for us to get away with acting without thinking. We need information on if we can bend Thrawn with the Force before we consider doing anything else.

[ This sort of hard line is hard to draw and she recognizes how snappish she sounds drawing it. So she sighs and shakes her head, deflating some then to get back to the point -- the need for caution if Ben plans to confront Thrawn directly -- and say: ] I don't want anything to happen to you. [ When Loki had cut them off from each other, just thinking something had, considering the possibility of losing him-- she doesn't know what she'd do. Kill Thrawn and damn the consequences, probably. There's a reason it was so easy to imagine falling to the Dark if something happened to Finn. ]

[sololoquy]

[He stops a few feet short from her, letting her get out the tired narrative that he's already heard from her -- that the Force wasn't a shortcut, that they shouldn't rely on it when there was nothing to support their absolute success, that it was amoral to use the Force to manipulate the thoughts of others.

She protests too much. And she gives him an opening that he seeks to lead on -- a test of sorts. After all, he was not so used to people being interested in his well being.]

Perhaps Thrawn is not the one we should aim to bend.

[He senses the honesty in what she says. I don't want anything to happen to you. This is where he should reassure her -- but it is an uncomfortable thought, encouraging her investment. So he settles on allowing her to stay in his space, as close as they could possibly come to one another short of engaging in actual physical contact.]

If the administrative eyes are upon Thrawn, he won't be able to act at all.

[forcevisions]

[ That closeness is like a fog in the forefront of her mind. For a moment, she just lets her gaze flick over him, weighing and considering the lack of space there as though deciding what to do about it.

But what he has said, that's what really demands reply. ]

You want to report him? [ She shakes her head, forehead creasing with confusion. ] For what? They must know already of his intentions to interfere with the timeline; he may have even gone to them about some incentive towards it.

Discovering our bond is not a crime, and there is no way to express those concerns without explaining the nature of it to Hathaway's leadership.

[sololoquy]

[That is true. The nature of them all being there meant that timeline anomalies would be created by the offering of incentives. Kylo Ren works his jaw in frustration.

Yes, it would not be possible for them to act now. Annoying.]

...we wait for the opportunity, then. Or we fabricate one.

[There would surely be time to frame Thrawn for one misgiving or another.]

[forcevisions]

[ Finally, agreement. It comes with frustration but the fact that he states it means it has finally sunk in and he has accepted the idea as his own. Rey lets out a breath and when it sort of warms the air in front of her she is made keenly aware again of his closeness. They are together in this, inextricably linked. ]

We won't need to fabricate one. [ Thrawn will provide them with that opportunity. It just means they have to catch him slip. That'll be the hard part. ] Just keep your eyes peeled. We'll have a chance. In the meantime I'll find out if Poe knows more than I do.

[ Here to take the necessary steps to keep him from getting fucked up because of her again. Again. ]

[sololoquy]

[It becomes clear that Kylo Ren doesn't quite agree with her that they won't need to fabricate something, given the light drawing of his eyelids. She mentions Poe and he seems to focus on her a little more.

The truth has always been that Rey is far more vulnerable than he -- even if she does not realize it. She is too easily exploited, thanks to how many "friends" she's managed to acquire.

(Nevermind that he has an ego made of glass)]

If he believes you to be a threat, the first thing Thrawn will do is seek to turn your friends against you.

[forcevisions]

He won't succeed.

[ She hadn't always had that faith in Poe, and in Keith it had been shaken, but— She does now. After everything, with the dust settled on the fight with Kylo, she does now. Of course, this sounds indistinct from her usual blind, naive optimism, and maybe it's a bit of that too.

But they aren't just her friends. They're her family. The only family she'll ever have. ]

I already warned Poe, and he believed me about Thrawn's intentions. There's no way he'll trust him. Not over me.

[ 'Not after I lied for months and am still holding things back and expecting everyone to just be comfortable and okay with that. :)'

But some of this certainty also comes from experience. Once, Poe had turned against her, and she had survived it. Once, she had feared losing Keith primarily because she had invested in him over the Resistance, over her own galaxy. She … feels more balanced, now. Less desperate to cling to those connections at the cost of everything else.

If Thrawn does succeed, it will not destroy her.

Something occurs to her then; it's not news, exactly. She had considered it in many different ways, but now it seems obvious in how it informs the way he prods at her friendships. So she identifies his real concern — ] You're afraid that my friends make me weak. And that it in turn makes you weak because of our connection.

[sololoquy]

They force you to take risks you would not take otherwise.

[Not that she really needed the confirmation, but he offers it anyway. There is a disapproving expression set on his face, just short of a sneer.]

They represent weak points to be exploited.

[He knows that much — he witnessed it, on Starkiller Base. Finn’s wounds demanded that she take revenge upon him, instead of running. Had he not been wounded, she would have lost. And where would they be now?

He wonders, vaguely.]

You cannot deny simple fact.

[forcevisions]

No one forces me to do anything.

[ The way he doesn't mask his disapproval has her own expression creasing in consternation, not quite begrudging him the opinion because she had expected it, but challenging his disdain all the same. ]

I know they can be used against me, just like you can. Just like I can be used against you.

But protecting them also makes me stronger. Gives me purpose.

[ Could she have beaten him in the first place if it weren't for her rage over what had been done to Finn? She does not fear using that rage, as she once had, does not shy from it. Ben does not believe she can turn; why should she fear the possibility? Her anger is not her enemy; it's righteous. ]

I have drive for more than just surviving because of the people I care about. And … I have people I can trust would protect me in turn, if something happened.

[ Something in her expression softens on this, searching his face as if wanting to seek if he has any understanding of what she describes. He's known loneliness too. Not too terribly long ago, she wouldn't understand the benefit of those people.

But surely he had seen it in the way she came for him when Loki confronted him. He might think she was weaker for it, but wasn't he comforted to know that someone in this universe cared? Or was that just her desperation for connection, for something to fill her loneliness, that made her feel that way and hope he felt the same? ]

[sololoquy]

[In this, it is perhaps most obvious where their life experiences differ. Where Rey sees value, Kylo Ren only sees exploitation. She speaks of protection and sanctuary, but he cannot conceive of those things coming from other people. Even having witnessed it, in the form of Rey coming to protect him from Loki’s wrath — she’d been protecting herself.]

You cannot rely on others to give you purpose.

[He hesitates in sharing this with her. It was a recently learned lesson — taught by failure, and in part by Loki. Living up to Darth Vader’s legacy...not only was it impossible, but he was chaining himself to expectations.

It feels a little too close to truths that he doesn’t want to acknowledge. But it is also a fact he cannot shy from — not anymore.]

You will only find disappointment there waiting for you.

[forcevisions]

[ So he says in the same breath that he shows how badly he yearns to give her some kind of guidance. Rey cannot help but think in this, Ben is sorely lacking in self awareness. However, she's not an idiot. She can trace this back to his sudden professed desire to murder Snoke with her. He regrets dedicating himself to another like that.

He doesn't see that the purpose she speaks of isn't just the Resistance's values adopted as her own — firstly because they were always her values; secondly because it's more about finding value and purpose in compassion, in protecting those people, rather than making those people themselves into her purpose. It's a distinction she could never articulate, and so she doesn't try. ]

Only if you pick people who disappoint you.

[ Rey straightens to her full height and reaches up to touch the side of his face, no longer gentle in the way she insinuates their relationship into this. Her eyes dart all over his face, trying hard to read him visually, and in doing so, she taps automatically into the Force, reaches across the bond as well.

As far as she's concerned, that's Obviously what this is really about — his concern that Thrawn will use her against him, whether via her weaknesses or something else. The subject at hand is ostensibly his own fear that he cannot depend on others, that doing so would only be a weakness to be exploited. Maybe it's not even a conscious projection, but for Rey, it's clear as day. ]

I won't.

[ And she was sure now that Poe and Finn and Keith wouldn't disappoint her either. Not in the long run. Not in the way that leaves scars for decades.

But she's not really thinking about them just now. In fact, most of her brain power seems officially dedicated to resisting the magnetic pull she feels. It's not unlike that night in Doro's castle before it went Terribly Wrong. (Is that the Force too? Or is that just them? The uncertainty is no small part of what gives her the resolve to restrain herself.)

At least Rey's self restraint is a) better than Poe's, and b) offering Ben the chance to Get Away. ]

[sololoquy]

[Well, that sure is a lot all at once.

She rises too quickly for him to put any real distance back in between them. He still sets his weight on his back foot when her hand finds his face, shoulders locking instinctively. But instead of avoiding her eyes as he usually does, he holds them firmly — uncomfortable with the way she reaches for him, but trusting that she isn’t seeking harm as several other parts have. But even as she reaches for his face, he feels something twist uncomfortably in his stomach and his chest.

He wants so badly for what she claims to be true, but has simultaniously convinced himself that nobody would ever be capable of it. The conflict of his desires crackles inside of him and momentarily stuns him to silence.

Nothing she guesses at is wrong, but promises simply couldn’t be enough for how torn apart he’s found himself as a result of all those that had been broken already.]

And when I disappoint you?

[Not if. The wounds are fresh — not just from her, but from Snoke. Older wounds, like those from Luke and his parents. To him, it is inevitable, and though it stokes at his bitterness, he believes it bares repeating. Failure followed him like a specter, no matter how hard he fought to overcome it.]