epidemiology | • closed • the truth of letting go lies in the answer

Entry tags:

• closed • the truth of letting go lies in the answer

who Masamune

wardance & Sieglinde

grunehexe
what serious life changing decisions and requests are being made.
when forward dated to after the Recollection Festivities have concluded.
where In Residence (Oska)
warnings bad mothers mentioned and some squicky bone breaking of a 12-year-old's feet ;;

[ Although he has spent plenty of time socializing already, Masamune has also spent more time than what most here who know him to have ever done silent and by himself. The library has been an unlikely background to see the young warlord in, but following the end of the end of the recollection ceremony, Masamune has spent a lot of his time flipping through bound pages.

Now, back in his room, he has brought that atmosphere with him to a chair, wearing more modern casual attire, a white dog loyally resting by his feet. For Sieglinde, the door is always unlocked and doesn't require or expect a knock (although manners would help....). He glances up over his the top of his book curiously when he hears it open, the white dog's ears twitching curiously as it raises its head to greet the newest company to join them, tail already wagging. ]

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[ If he knew-- whether it be right or wrong in reality --of being sideswiped with that harsh lining of truth, he would be none too happy with the originator. The fact remains, however, that Masamune has hoped Sieglinde would come around and stop punishing herself. To him, it is what concerns him most, although he wouldn't deny there would be ease in burden by her fixing something fixable.

That's one of the main reasons he doesn't ask about the sudden decision. He doesn't want to know because it would only curse an unecessary that shouldn't happen to begin with when even Masamune wants her to take this path rather than any other.

Without a word, Masamune closes his book gently, setting to rest it to one side as he goes to stand. ]

I could have just come over to you, you know, instead of you needing to take all the stuff with you.

[Though he moves to stand, Sieglinde goes to sit, dragging her satchel a few more paces into the room and over to Masamune's chair, which she then commandeered, leaning her crutch against the side arm and clambering up onto the seat, alcohol in hand.

She'd come prepared. Not just with tools and drink, but in a simple shift, (sweat, at minimum, vomit at worst), in only a single layer of bandages around her legs, wearing not the tight heels made to fit the strange arch of her feet but a pair of soft slippers Ban had conjured for her.

Once she got into the chair, though, Sieglinde felt nerves take root at the base of her spine, biting her bottom lip as she tried to get the cork out of the wine bottle. Maybe it would have been better to do this in Oska's infirmary... but. She felt safer here.]

My room's window faces the courtyard.

[And a girl's screams coming from the room would attract more attention that way.]

[ Masamune simply nods, moving to gently put a hand on her head and giving a light rub affectionately. Duran gets up from its lying position, proceeding to scoot closer to the chair now as if to provide more comfort from closer range to the girl.

Masamune lets Sieglinde preoccupy herself with the bottle cork, considering things a moment. It wasn't a practice that ever caught on in his country, so while he does know how to reset bones (...as well as break them), he's never had to do it in combination. It's fine, though. He's not concerned... he'll do it and he won't mess up. He can't mess up-- it's too important (she's too important)-- so it's simply not an option.

Still, he will wait for her to decide how she wants to go about it; she's obviously frightened and there are important things involved in this.l happening. One of them is giving her as much control over her own decision as possible. For the immediate moment... ]

You want help with that? [ he means the cork in the wine. ]

[Normally a cork wouldn't give her this much bother... but it wasn't about the cork, now, was it. It was about too many things, and for such a relatively simple seeming decision, (keep them bound or unbreak them), it had far too many nuances to it.

Her mother's influence. The guilt she felt for having been deceived. The masochistic desire to see herself punished, when everyone around her just forgave her. The importance those bound feet had held for nearly a decade of her life.

And she couldn't get the damn cork out. Sullenly, she handed the bottle over to Masamune for help, biting into her bottom lip as she moved to rummage in her satchel, coming up with a notebook that she flipped through until she came up with a diagram she'd drawn on two opposing pages. One, the bones of a normal foot, sketched in fine detail, and on the other, the grotesque shape she approximated her bones took now, the arch of the foot broken and forced upward, the toes broken and folded under.]

... I drew a diagram that might help.

[She trusted herself to do it correctly, but she lacked the pure physical power required to break bone with her bare hands... so she waited to exchange the opened bottle for her book, continuing to rifle through her bag one handed to pull out a vial of clear liquid and a needle.]

[ He takes the bottle from her and removes it, understanding the situation for what it is. Masamune gracefully takes the notepad in exchanging her the no uncorked bottle to look at the diagram. ]

Thanks. [ it's unusual for him to be grateful so easily but that also makes it obvious he's trying his best and actually thinking of her feelings. It also really is helpful to him. It helps any doubts or lapses that could occur (they wouldn't because he decided that but now he can relax a little with the reassurance. ]

...Sieg, did you ever learn about foot binding in other places and why it was done?

[ It may seem cruel to bring up the topic of foot binding as a conversation topic considering what's going to happen but...it has a purpose. While he waits to hear her answer he sets the notepad down and goes into another room. The sound of running water is heard and left running even as he comes back for the time being, still letting her do her thing.

Masamune does glance at her bottle, though wondering if she would be better off with... he doesn't know-- A straw? He's definitely picturing his men drunk off their asses right now with that bottle in place of Sieglinde. Considering they usually wear whatever they don't drink in place of their clothes...

...He makes a slight face with none of the mental context given. ]

[Once she had the bottle uncorked for her, Sieglinde murmured her thanks, (ones that had the same meaning as Masamune's, never the type to say it casually over something so mundane as uncorking a bottle), not even bothering with straws or glasses, just... using both hands to tip the bottle up and take a long drag, swallowing quickly.

She couldn't use a proper anesthetic for fear of clouding her mind and rendering her unable to supervise the procedure, but she could at least take the edge off. That question, though...]

... a visitor to my manor told me that women in the Orient had their feet bound because it was considered beautiful.

[She had an answer ready when he returns, but not an answer on how that made her feel. Which was worse? To be crippled by the hands or decree of your own blood simply to be made desirable, or to be imprisoned? Was one even better than the other at all?

Sieglinde didn't know.]

That's right. Especially as dancers in the court of the emperor.

[ He answers, listening to the water to make sure it doesn't overflow while he's talking.

He glances up over the pad of notes. His voice is low, not particularly forceful in his words, but there is no doubt that they are sincere and absolutely not up for debate. ]

You get it, right? That keeping your feet bound is not a punishment—it's only because you decided it to be. It doesn't balance for what you want to be punished for. If you do this, you need to understand you should never look back and feel you deserved it and that maybe you should have kept them this way, after all.

If you're going to be hard on yourself, do it by pushing further into your future. I won't accept you going backwards in thought on this, even in momentary lapses. Find a productive way to punish yourself. Take yourself to your limits and remind yourself that you have to be better than you are now.

... But, right ehere, of all the things you are feeling... there is no place for you to feel guilt as if you're "escaping" something you deserve. ... So, cast it off for good and lighten the weight on your shoulders so that you can take more on.

[Dancers in the court of the Emperor. Women who were viewed as epitome of beauty and grace. The idea drew her gaze back down to the feet she'd begun to avoid looking at ever since she'd joined ALASTAIR, frowning slightly at the misshapen things, barely a few inches long. The women in her village had always told her (lied to her) that as she grew, as the bones fused and she left girlhood behind that she would be able to walk better and better... But she was still a child, the bones still more soft compared to an adults, and her walk still wasn't anywhere near elegant.

She had asked Kojuro about it over the months they'd remained in Nalawi. How women danced in the court of the lord of Oushu.

When Masamune speaks she manages to look at him, but her gaze is slightly guarded, wavering with doubt. She had never longed to be able to skip and jump and run- not while she understood that her feet were something to be proud of, proof of her inheritance and commitment to her ancestors pact.

But it was so hard to give up on it now. So hard to imagine giving up that punishment she had grown to view it as, something that served her right. The price of ignorance. The reminder of how foolish and naive she'd been, a warning to herself not to be so eager to trust.

What would it be like, without that? Would she really feel better... or worse?]

I am afraid.

[Sieglinde didn't admit such a thing easy, hunching over her knees with fingers curling tight around the needle, the vial.]

I do not know why... I no longer wish to be bound to that place, and that woman, but I-

[Didn't think she ever could be truly free. Didn't think she deserved to be free.]

I do not with to be a burden any longer... That is all-

[And the desire to punish herself might at least be overtaken by the desire to help others. To be someone people didn't consider a weakness or a liability they had to watch out for.]

[ Masamune comes to crouch down in front of her in order to be looking up at her despite her downward cast gaze. ] You don't need to be fearless. You only need to be strong.

[ Wedging the notebook temporarily between her and the arm of his chair, the leader of Oshuu brings both hands up to cradle either side of her face and make sure she is looking at him. ]

And you will never know how strong you truly are until being strong is the only choice you have left. [ It's okay to be afraid of what has yet to come to pass. It's all right to not be completely confident in one's capability to live up to the task.

What matters is deciding whether or not the path that carries so many uncertainties will still be taken. He leans up to kiss her forehead even as he starts to rise in order to return to his feet. ]

...Faith is trust without concrete evidence it is sound. I have faith in you. [ To free herself. To make the right amends for what her mind and heart make her suffer guilt from day and night. To really be capable of being free. ]

Try your hardest always, to have some faith in yourself, no matter how many times in the past you feel you've screwed up or failed.

[ He lets his hands fall away, lingering only to grab the note before offering her a flash of a smile as he stands and turns. The pause on moving away again is for him to mention one last thing. ]

Hey, you have people you want to protect, right? That's clear to you?

When I have no idea what lies ahead or what will be required of me if I continue going forward... I always tell myself the same thing: So long as I know who I'm protecting—who I have chosen I want to keep from any harm I can— the rest will work itself out to guide me along.

Edited 2016-06-15 03:03 (UTC)

[When would strength become the only option? She had managed to find the strength to take the muzzle of a gun away from her head in the aftermath of the revelation, when her world had collapsed like a house of cards. She'd found the strength to walk from the apothecary in Chantes to the jail, the longest she had ever on her own, and smuggle in medications. She'd found the strength to put herself at the front lines, to get healing faster to those who needed it...

But it had never been for herself. It had been for the people she had potentially killed with her "magic". For Masamune, and Kidagakesh, and the others imprisoned. For the members of their team, and the Nalawi.

She had people she wanted to protect. That she wanted to keep from harm. That she one day might not be able to help or reach in time if she couldn't walk better.

Tears beaded in the corners of her eyes but didn't fall. She finally nodded, cheeks still warm from his hands, struggling for the appropriate words.]

I shall try. I really shall-

[To have faith in herself. To not regret this decision.]

[ He smiles, though she can't really see it as he leaves the room again. When he comes back he's bringing a basin with water and some towels. Setting the items down, he takes a small towel cloth and dips it in the before wringing it and folding it. ]

You seem pretty prepared, but in case you don't have something to bite on you can use this.

[ Offering her the folded cloth, he waits, letting her say if she wants to start right this moment or not. ]

When to start is your call, kid.

[She has her own things to tend to when he leaves the room. Undoing the bandages wrapped loosely around her legs and feet, baring the things that she'd once been so proud of and now could only view as her punishment and her cross.

They weren't pretty, those feet. For all that such small and delicate steps and shoes had been admired and judged to be desirable, no one desired to actually see what was underneath the bandages- the misshapen, unnatural bend and arch of broken and molded limbs, toes that had been bent under and nails removed, arches broken and shoved up towards the heel.

She didn't even feel the prick of the needle when it went in, injecting herself with something to dull the pain. It wouldn't take away even half of it, perhaps, but it should take the edge off... help her remain a bit better focused on directing the task at hand.

But then he's back, and she takes the cloth he offers, holding it tightly in her hands as she leaned back in his chair, offering her feet up to his hands, breathing deeply.]

... you should start with the arch, then the toes. It's alright if you can't align the bones properly... once they've been softened again, I can... fix it myself later...

[Swallowed, clutching the cloth tighter.]

If I should lose consciousness, do not continue until I can continue to supervise the procedure...

[Had she been this nervous when she was younger, before the initiation? She can't remember any longer.]

[ As a warrior that's developed his own style that had become so notorious based on footwork and movement, he at least understands a decent idea of the anatomy of the foot and how it naturally is meantto be. With Sieglinde, the biggest problem he'll have is her size. Nevertheless, he nods at her request to not continue should she pass out, but he's mostly observing the foot to be able to do the actions as fast as possible. His expression is gentle but neutral, although it shows a little discontent for a second or two, realizing once he's holding one of her feet in his hands that... He can do half of it very quickly, but the way the toes have been curled will require slower process.

It bothers him, a little, even if he knows he's helping and it's for her, to know he's going to hurt her in the process. All he can end up wondering, though, amidst that strange and detached upset gnawing at him is if this is anything like how Kojuro felt when removing Masamune's eye. ]

Obviously, you know you have not been forced to walk on them as much as would be necessary to reinforce the shape, and you're young enough that the bones are soft and still growing. This will hurt... but it will be over quickly.

...I'm going to rebreak them and clean you up and bandage them. But... I will have Kojuro make sure they are set since it's better for someone else to do it and you can rest, okay?

[ He's telling her all this now because he doesn't want to prolong any explanations.

Masamune is very particular about not meeting her face for once. He leaves his head bowed and attention toward the tiny foot in his palm. In a way it seems too easy to break them, too cruel and casual like a little doll.

He waits a moment for her to be able to process it whether she answers or not.

For better or worse, this will not be quite the same as when her feet were broken back home in terms of method nor in length of time it takes. The hand supporting the bottom of her foot gives out a sudden shock—more of a simply nasty static shock than anything else. It's meant to catch her off guard, to give her some other pain to focus on, but most of all to loosen any tensing she will be inevitably doing while bracing for the pain of the procedure.

He'll be able to feel the tendon shift when she goes from rigid to something more pliable in terms of muscles, an he will break the arch from its fused and bent position by forcing it apart and away from her heel, waiting for it to break in the same place it fused in deformity by the procedure. ]

... Alright.

[Even though she hadn't wanted anyone else besides Masamune here for this, seeing her like this, she knew it wasn't a poor proposal to have someone else look over the work... especially when she might be. Slightly compromised.

Her stomach was roiling, heart pounding, but there was nothing to do but wait. She remembered the first time in bits and pieces of snapshot memory- she remembered the speech the elder had given, remembered the nervous look on Wolfram's face, the tight grip her handmaidens had kept on her hands, the sound of the bones snapping, and the scream.

She bit down on the corner of the cloth, fingers dug into the arms of the chair as she looked down at his hands on her foot, ascertaining that he seemed poised to break the correct point. But maybe- Maybe she shouldn't do this. Maybe she didn't deserve it-

The shock made her wince, accidentally mistaking it for him beginning... but that was his point. It was a small distraction, put her off guard and less rigid for the-

Scream, muffled by her tight bite on the cloth in her mouth, but a scream of pain nonetheless, eyes squeezing shut despite her attempts to keep an eye on him, spine arching, knees pressing tightly together and instinctively jerking away in pain, mind searing white and forgetting momentarily how to breathe.]

[ It's as if he can hear the snap of the bone. Maybe he really does, he isn't sure.

He understands Sieglinde's desire to keep this private and it may be the reason he hadn't thought instead to bring Kojuro in to actually do the breaking. He can understand the shame and wanting it to be hidden away from everyone she could possibly get away with.

Masamune does not outwardly react to her screams, only holding firm her foot to not allow Sieglinde to pull it back as her reflexes want to. It doesn't take much effort from him, but he's determined not to let her experience even more pain by thrashing her broken foot around. He decides to simply continue rather than wait for her to calm down. He doubts she'll feel much from breaking the toes back (or at least nothing compared to the breakage of the arch) but he needs to be careful with them as he's noticed the toenails have been removed.

It's really infuriating when Masamune lets his mind wander. Infuriating and sickening all at once. Even as he holds her in place and carefully works to peel the toes back away from their crushed and folded state, he feels a sense of helplessness he doesn't understand.

When he is finished with the last toe after what seems to be forever too long, he reaches to grab some of the bandages and first provide a tight but thin layer to hold the bones together at adjusted angles that were more towards how the foot and toes should be when left to grow alone. He will wash them and then rebandage them properly with the real support necessary to allow the foot a chance to heal.

But first, he wants this process out of the way first. Masamune won't be surprised if he wakes up from hearing her screams long after this on several nights to come.

Maybe this will be a nightmare he will not so easily escape and put behind him. That's not important right now, though. What's important is getting them both out of this hell that consists of being here doing this as soon as possible. He wants to be able to relieve her of the pain not be the cause of it, for god's sake.

(Never has he been so glad that humans only have two feet.)

Edited 2016-06-19 05:07 (UTC)

[By the time he gets to the toes on the second foot, Sieglinde finally stops screaming. Her throat is too tight for it any longer, everything in her body on razor's edge, fingers digging in harsh and white knuckled at the arms of the chair, hips practically out of the seat, knees grinding together and struggling to keep from instinctively flinching away and jerking her feet from Masamune's hands. Nerve damage may have robbed her of most pain when her feet had been in their bound state, but now that they were being undone... There were new nerves to be found to be in pain.

There was only so much you could shave pain off of having the bones of your feet methodically broken piece by piece and rearranged, even if the shape they were beginning to retake was their natural one. Not near perfectly done yet, but a far more natural silhouette than they'd held not minutes earlier.

The tears are hot on her cheeks, teetering on the edge of hyperventilation and whimpering wretchedly around the cloth she'd bit down on, struggling to remain conscious, not to vomit, not to do anything but sit and let him finish the initial breaks. She tried to think about other things, tried to concentrate on the formula for the painkiller she'd prepared earlier that day...

But nothing would stay in her head, body drained of color and cheeks taking on a sick pallor as she cracked open an eye, tried to check on his progress in what seemed like it might be a lull, panting shallowly in between thick swallows. Don't vomit, don't vomit-]

[ It's no different than her feet being broken before. The body simply had no choice but to accept what it was subjected to and adapt. Going backwards would only make it have to readapt. In the long run, it would be better for her physically, but it's certainly not what her brain is being told by her nerves currently. Even now, although her feet more natural in their shape (while held together by the bandages, anyway), they are still incredibly small. That part will take time with the foot allowed to grow again.

When he finishes the second loose bandaging, one would think he would feel relieved. When Masamune doesn't, he supposed he won't until this phase is completely over with.

Still, it's now that he moves to grab the basin and drag it over as well as bringing another cloth towel to use. This is a little tedious because of the way he decided to do it, but the idea of leaving the kid with two broken feet and tiny crushed toe-bones was not an option even if more fluid and "practical."

Masamune still tries, however. He really does try to be as gentle as possible without neglecting the cleaning. For several reasons this is done, but his mind is blank and he's barely able to really think on anything beyond the task at hand.

But, by the time he gets to cleaning her other foot, that disgusted part of his mind has started to take advantage of his discontent over having to hurt Sieglinde to this.

Is he really bothered by this? Out of all the people he has killed—of the people he slaughtered that had only been guilty of being related by blood relation to the real perpetrator, he is having a difficult time processing his actions of breaking the feet of a child-- even though doing so in order to help her long term?

What the hell has he let this place do to him? What has he let this kid do to him?

( "What ails you, dragon?" )

Not now.

Dropping the cloth he finally reaches for the new bandages in order to strip the wet and flimsy layers he did earlier.

When you are snapping a bone in half rather than breaking it somewhere where two bones connect, it may require more precision to set the bone properly to allow healing. With the arch bone splintered or crushed, it's a lot easier to feel the way around to setting them where healing will not only take place but also correctly. Masamune firmly wraps the arch to its new positioning for support and alignment where it should be.

Any mistake he could possibly make would not set itself with hours. Kojuro will look sooner than that and even Sieglinde can do so when she's in a better state not exclusive main of agony.

( "You lack your roar. You lack your claws." )

Not now. Why is this all suddenly surfacing again now? Hadn't he gotten over this bullshit?

The young Date lord remains focused despite, although as he progresses through this part, it's clear (at least to a normal presence observing) that his movements become stiff—the same as someone trying to block out a nuisance nearby with their current task all the while their work execution mutating the longer they are left in the same situation.

( "If it were me, I would have made a better end for you." )

He can prop the toes to a general position but he lacks the knowledge to know if he should be giving them more support do to their size. ...Well, again, that's why Kojuro is going to be here.

He finally lets her first foot down from his grip to hang, moving his hand along with it until it's at the correct position. He's taking her to bed as soon as he's finished, anyway.

( "Do you even know how to run, little lord?" )

What the hell has he let happen to him here, exactly? Whatever it is, that part of his mind feeding him these past conversations from individuals he so strongly has said time and time again have no hold on him is persistent and derisive.

Keep lying to yourself, it says, ignore the warnings and wisdom in their observations just because you don't like seeing yourself for what you're really becoming.

Yet, had you simply heeded from the beginning, you wouldn't be so pathetic as to be shaken up by this situation that you need Kojuro to oversee any success.

("But an end is an end.")

If it hadn't been for knowing she didn't want anyone else a part of this, would you have bowed out with your tail between your legs and made Kojuro come do this too?

("A tame dragon is of little interest to me.")

Wasn't the first time lesson enough? Or do you really just enjoy—

Masamune's internal patience snaps, his his external control slips so that ends up pulling far too tight with the final bandaging wrap about the arch of Sieglinde's foot before he even realizes. ]

[There's a part of her that felt unfair, asking Masamune to be the one to do this. Even though she'd done it because he was the one she trusted most, the only one she felt even remotely comfortable with seeing her like this, which could be taken somewhat as an honorable role...

She knew it wasn't a pleasant task. She'd seen how perturbed Wolfram had been, taking her feet in his hands before the ritual. How he sometimes had looked still, when he changed the bandages and bathed her misshapen feet. She hadn't meant to saddle him with that responsibility... nor had she wanted to do the same to Masamune, even if she hoped that such feelings wouldn't linger, seeing as in this instance... it was supposed to help, in the long run.

But even though she had so many now that she cared about... she couldn't ask them.

Sieglinde bit down harder on the cloth, slowly regaining a bit of sense, a bit of control, as the pain shifted gradually from the sharp pains of actual breaking to the sicker yet slightly lesser pains of moving said broken bones about within her feet. She pressed the back of her skull into the chair cushions, sweat sticking her hair to the back of her neck, forcing herself to open her eyes and watch, trying to make sure the shape was at least vaguely correct for the initial work even though her vision was hazy along the edges, threatening to waver into whiteout-

Until her eyes shut tight again, the sound of her nails digging into the chair arms almost audible, sucking in air and biting back a little cry, shaking her head as she tried to find words... she was supposed to be supervising, so-

A word that might have been "tight" was barely audible around the cloth in her mouth, but she tried to get it out anyway, not contributing it to a slip on his part due to distraction so much as just inexperience with bandaging, which she didn't blame him for... she was grateful, but. It might be difficult to tell.]

[ That's more than enough for him to realize it and for a split second he looks... something caught between terrified and angry before it washes away to an expression of guilt. ]

... [ Masamune doesn't bother to say sorry (what's the point, what good will it do? Just to try and alleviate the feeling of guilt for having messed up for himself. ) Instead, he silently swallows and goes back to the task.

Carefully, before moving to finish bandaging the foot with keeping her toes from remaining limp and trying to heal back as they've been forced for so long, he moves to the last layer of bandage to undo the bandaging, this time retrying to a still tight (that can't be helped, the foot needs it) but nowhere near his initial mistake and further nothing like the binding she had to suffer through.

For the remainder he is extra careful, not caring what the mental frustration is (so goddamn stupid to be having a self pity crisis during this sort of thing. It's enough to make some as selfish as he is sick to his stomach. It was crossing another line.)

He does perhaps even better than before on the other foot with the concentration applied but he isn't in any mood to notice or feel it makes up for anything. Slowly he gets up, moving to push the basin and things out of the way so he can lean forward and pick her up, careful both to peel her off from plastering herself to the chair back and also properly scoop her up with as little disturbance to her feet as possible.

For now that he's done with it, he's able to submerge most of the uglier feelings boiling inside to simmer somewhere lower, which he counts as a blessing.

Carrying her to his room, he sets her down on the bed on her back. Before he goes to lift away and straighten back up, though, he brings a free hand to her forehead to move any strands of hair caught from the sweat and stuck to her face as a result. He also takes the time to finally speak to her since before the start of the procedure. ]

...Sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you like that. You'll be okay—it's done and you can rest now without worry.

[It seemed like it took forever, but she knew it could only be a matter of minutes. She knew that- knew why it was even that she felt that strange expansion of time... but that didn't change how long it felt to be, feeling as if she could feel each and every shift of bone, scraping, aligning, burning.

That couldn't be true. She knew that, too, but still... It suddenly ends. At least, the pressure and movement ceases, her feet tightly supported by splints and bandage, leaving only the throbbing pain to remain, pounding in time with her haphazard heartbeat, which she tried to steady along with her breathing, nodding to try and acknowledge Masamune's work, the movement from chair to bed, trying to wipe the tears from her cheeks with fingers still harshly curled as if they still gripped the chair arm, joints too tightly locked.

Her eyes closed again briefly, as he brushes the hair from her face, speaks, gathering herself and her thoughts.]

I asked you to... It is fine...

[She didn't think of any additions to her pain as his fault, because it would be painful beyond normal imagining either way... What would be a little more that might come from asking for assistance from someone based only on trust and physical capabilities rather than experienced medical knowledge?

She had that, at least, and as her thoughts slowly returned she gathered them up, trying to force her fingers to straighten, keep her legs ramrod straight, not to shift at all. There'd be swelling, surely infection, she'd need-]

Can you bring me my bag... And a drink, please...

Yeah. [ He gives her a bit of a sad smile, but in a way there is relief-- not because of her assuring him of being absolved of any blame in her eyes but the fact she's still moving and has the willpower to continue.

(When did he become so attached to this kid? When did she become so much of chain that he's become weak and unable to be certain he can give her the strength needed to get through even when her own gives out?

"'I would give all that I have in order to protect her.'")

... Is that what was meant back then? Masamune hasn't even thought hard on what nonsense the other was quoting and claiming to understand.

He doesn't know now, and he'll never find out—because he will never go back and bring that up to clarify.

Moving out of the room, he retrieves her things and brings them in to set on the bed for her easy reach. When he leaves and returns a second time, he's returned with something to drink but also a small-- toy? Setting the glass down, Masamune leans in to offer the plush for her to hold into. ]
This will help you sleep when you are ready to sleep but the pain is not dull enough.

[ Once she reaches to take it from him, his then empty fingers will spark to life and the lightning will twist and meld itself like vines or muscle twisting and wrapping until it takes and holds a specific shape. The Lightning familiar slowly spirals around Masamune's hand, the element crackling still here and there as it seeks completely stabilizes a form. ]

Dérkomai. [ he seems to be greeting it—it makes a static-filled and small cry of acknowledgement for its size before floating away from him and circling Sieglinde once before dematerializing near the toy dragon. ]

Try it after Kojuro sees you. Just squeeze between the wings once, it'll do the rest.

Edited 2016-06-23 00:32 (UTC)

[Anticipating the toll the rebreaking would have on her, Sieglinde had prepared everything she would need beforehand. Painkillers, herbs to reduce inflammation, and teas for sleep. In between his first and second trip she weakly rummages in her satchel and pulls out the appropriate capsules and satchets, waiting for the drink he offered upon his return. The satchets went into the drink to diffuse, and the small pressed powders she swallows whole, only to be confronted with... A stuffed toy.]

I have not had such a thing since I was a girl...

[She almost laughs but it's too difficult for her. (And another reminder, that to her, girlhood was already a thing left far behind.) She could remember it, she thought- a black cat, soft and warm, that she had named Eben, a name only a three year old could convince of as brilliant.

But when she reached for it the lightning crackles in his hand and she's momentarily fascinated even through the pain, not even broken bones enough to stop her desire to learn and observe. Her watery emerald gaze followed it until it faded from sight, a hand weakly trying to feel around for it to see if it was invisible or actually dematerialized.]

What will it do...

[ He smiles, figuring she would say that. It's so difficult for him to think of someone else having no childhood, of being isolated and deprived of love and care that all children had a right to, of having a mother that only cared about herself and the life from her womb only seen as another tool to further her goals or interests. It's not hard, in retrospect, to understand why this girl became so important to him. They aren't so different despite being ... So incredibly opposite of one another. Gender, age, timeline, country and culture.

But they both spent their childhoods chasing their mother's affections. Sieglinde to carry on her supposedly dead mother's legacy and dedication. Masamune to regain the love of his mother to be able to rightfully continue as the head of the family without conflict or heartbreak.

They both came out disappointed. He wanted to be able to help her like Kojuro had helped him. Masamune realizes, however, it's a lot more complicated a situation then he imagined. Maybe just caught up too quickly in bonding due to their circumstances... He doesn't know but he worries now, uncertain if he's enough to protect her from whatever she needs to be protected from-- partially because he doesn't have the skill Kojuro does. Sieglinde has plenty of other people here should he fail to be adequate or otherwise disappear... but he doesn't want to let others compensate for his lack thereof. He tries to akin it to her basically being seen as a sibling but... Masamune understands now that may be part of the problem. Being the one who killed his own brother, whom was coddled by their mother and thus treated him in similar manner as she did.

He has no idea what a good sibling relationship is but not in the form of the relationship being merely absent. ] It will send electricity into your body and disrupt the pain. Since it blocks and creates numbness, it'll be easier to sleep with. Works better than medicine, in my experience [ --but is a lot harder to control without hurting someone or providing a power source. ]

Should do the trick when other stuff doesn't. Use it to give yourself better rest for a quicker recovery. [ He knows quite well although using it on himself is rare due to being his own power source. Becomes messy. ]

It'll stay with you while you sleep, too. Think of it like as an extra guard dog, too, I guess. Give you peace of mind.

Mmm... And you said you could not do magic...

[Her attempt at a tease failed just as much as her laugh had, the consequence of pain that had rendered her near mute and without humor, but at least she tried, placing the dragon she'd been given by her pillow, adjusting it weakly,

Sieglinde had always failed to come up with the proper name for what Masamune was to her. It did not feel as if he was her "friend"... Not in the way Sakura was... And he wasn't someone she considered one of her "disciples", like Olivia or Graham... She had wondered for a time, in Chantes, when she'd lied and claimed to be his sister, if that's what this was supposedly like. Siblings? But in the end, she had always been an only child, and knew precious little of how a normal familiar relationship was supposed to be like.

Masamune was just... Important. Enough that she'd forgive him even for thing she hated most.]

Thank you.

[And she did mean it, because he was the only one she could trust to do this, and he had, and it was done. For better or for worse.]

[ Masamune responds gently to the tease despite it not managing to be done without pain. ]

...I can say that it's not called such back home but I would only be deflecting. If you are still interested in this topic when you are better, ask me then.

[ He looks about to make her a little more comfortable, but he knows there is no reason to do so in excess since she will be disturbed soon enough.

There is a small nod. ]

Thank you, also. [ For so many things, but she would hardly remember if he started listing, anyway. ]

From now on, remember the only real way to change the past is to face the future. [ He hopes when she has those miserable feelings that will surely come that she should have continued punishing herself for the guilt over things done, she will be able to sincerely believe herself that the only choice is to push forward.

Masamune now offers a final but more sincere smile, pushing away any sadness or concern that might be lingering on his face. ]

Sleep now. You've earned it.

Edited 2016-06-25 03:08 (UTC)

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grunehexe - 2016-06-25 15:13 (UTC) - Expand

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